Funny You And Me Quotes
Collection of top 79 famous quotes about Funny You And Me
Funny You And Me Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny You And Me quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
She gave him a cold and enraged glare. 'You are so pathetic, you make me want to vomit.
— Morgan Rhodes
Remember, I'm the only person her who's paid to be nice to you. But not too nice. Give me any lip and I'll break your face. OK?
— Orson Scott Card
You call me a princess and sometimes we put on as much gold as we can, and you call me "Jay-Z," and then laugh so hard.
— Matthew Quick
MY FRIEND: SO DO YOU TAKE A FOREIGN LANGUAGE CLASS?ME: SURE DO HAVE BEEN FOR THE LAST 13 YEARS.
MY FRIEND: COOL WHAT LANGUAGE?
ME: MATH. — KanyaACoffman
Treat me like a king and I'll treat you like a queen ... Treat me like a queen and off with your head
— Josh Stern
Let me see you ride a donkey over my green again, and as sure as you have a head upon your shoulders, I'll knock your bonnet off, and tread upon it!
— Charles Dickens
She looks me dead in the face and says, "The safe word is going to be 'immigration,' because you know I'll stop it.
— Kayti McGee
Oh, hey, kettle, I'm pot and wow, you're black." - Owen
— Olivia Cunning
That's for me to know, and for you to find out.
— Ally Carter
Everyone's crazy except you and me.
— Mark Frauenfelder
Don't even think of arguing with me. I'm an old woman and if you fight me about it, it could give me a heart attack.
— Sara Humphreys
Being pretty on the inside means you don't hit your brother and you eat all your peas - that's what my grandma taught me.
— Lord Chesterfield
In Pizza Express you can get garlic bread with cheese and tomato. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but that's a pizza.
— Jimmy Carr
It reminds me how funny living in LA can be; You go to a friend's barbecue and you leave the face of Victoria Beckham's look book.
— Alice Greczyn
Cut the crap and tell me what color panties you're wearing.
— Susan Elizabeth Phillips
If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me.
— Bobcat Goldthwait
Do you reckon the Queen has ever pulled a blanket up so just her head's showing and gone 'Philip, look at me! I'm a stamp!'
— Russell Howard
Discovering Samuel Beckett in college was a big deal for me. I realized you could be very funny and very dark at the same time.
— Billy Collins
What do you do with all your money?""Me and the French hoard gold. — Dashiell Hammett
It's all chop-change chop-change with you. Either go out with me and treat me nicely, or leave me alone. As I say, I am not interested in fuckwittage.
— Helen Fielding
Some people come up to me and say "You know, in Italy, it's pronounced Ber-beel-lia" And I say "Well, here in America, you're annoying ... "
— Mike Birbiglia
A big girl once came up to me after a show and said "I think you're fatist." I said "No, no. I think you're fattest."
— Jimmy Carr
A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said "her brothers got a moustache!"
— Billy Connolly
I had no idea what time it was, but I felt boneless and it would take an act of God to get me out of this bed. Or chocolate.
— Jennifer L. Armentrout
I love how you still think if you tell me to do something, I'll just check my brain at the door and do it.
— C.J. Redwine
I didn't go to college at all, any college, and I'm not saying you wasted your time or money, but look at me, I'm a huge celebrity.
— Ellen DeGeneres
And all I know is, you've got to give me everything. Nothing less 'cause, you know I give you all of me.
— Gwen Stefani
We were talking briefly about cocaine ... yeah. Anything that makes you paranoid and impotent, give me more of that!
— Robin Williams
I don't think this is working out between us," I told him. "You and I want different things. It's not me, it's you.
— T.J. Klune
Let me just say it out loud so we can laugh together: You're going to find Johnny Depp, take him back to Vahalal, and put him in a zoo?
— Gary Ghislain
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
— Jack Benny
He smiled, surprised. 'This is for me?''No,' she said, 'it's ... ' She couldn't think of anything funny to say. 'Yeah, it's for you. — Rainbow Rowell
Hello, Mrs. Tran ... I have David's homework. And if you ever want to see it again, you'll pay me the two million dollars I asked for.
— Nenia Campbell
You'll see a lot of funny stuff, you'll see a lot of daddy-knows-best stuff, you'll see a lot of me and my wife trying to hold the family together.
— Russell Simmons
And all those things you listed right now, they'rethings Garrett and I do together. Dude, you don't want me. You want me and
Garrett. — Elle Kennedy
Back from where? you're not going out again and leaving me here are you?? Holy Hercules I sound like somebody's wife
— Ruth Downie
I'm going to need to save you.""Excuse me? No one needs-"
"I'm saving you, so shut up and be grateful. — Kelley Armstrong
I see no women out here, and you're chanting about a male organ, now tell me who's the fruit booty?
— John Layfield
Maybe you should make me a list of people I can kill and ways in which they're allowed to die," he said. "You are not funny." "I'm very funny.
— Ilona Andrews
I love being a dad, it keeps me fit and inspired and children are so funny. They always supply you with acting material!
— Wesley Snipes
You have a gorgeous ass, and it holds handprints beautifully.Oh, well, how nice for me. — Cherise Sinclair
The police are on the way to arrest you for stealing my heart, hijacking my feelings, and driving me crazy.
— Harriet Morgan
Fascinating," I said, turning toward Ian. "You never told me Simon went to Oxford.""Simon went to Oxford, Sophie. — Fisher Amelie
Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"
— Jimmy Carr
That depends. Are you going to call me an ass again?""That depends. Are you going to act like one?" -Ashton and Maya — Kelley Armstrong
I won't say that you're pretty because that dog already did. And I won't say you're funny because you have had me laughing since I met you.
— Melissa Landers
I used to drink wine. This girl asked me, "Doesn't wine give you a headache?" "Yeah, eventually, but the first and the middle part are amazing!"
— Mitch Hedberg
If I were you, I'd go and do that. : VikalpThat's why you're not me! : Yatharth. — Shubham Choudhary
You will stay with me. You will sleep here at my side and you will touch me. I am depressed but not when you stroke my chest.
— Laurann Dohner
Cause if you were my girlfriend and a stud like me was livin' in your house, I'd kiss you in front of the guy every chance I got as a reminder.
— Simone Elkeles
I used to go in for Disney auditions, and they'd tell me, 'You're cute and nice but just not funny.'
— Gattlin Griffith
The great William Shakespeare said, "What's in a name?" He also said, "Call me Billy one more time and I will stab you with this ink quill.
— Cuthbert Soup
If I was a mechanic and someone called me and said their car would not start, I would say, "Hey - maybe a killer is after you!"
— Mitch Hedberg
You could knock my teeth out and break my nose, and there'd be something funny about it to me.
— Chevy Chase
You're a sad little hermit, and it creeps me out.
— Rainbow Rowell
