Funny You And Me Quotes: top 79 famous quotes about Funny You And Me

Funny You And Me Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny You And Me quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

She gave him a cold and enraged glare. 'You are so pathetic, you make me want to vomit. — Morgan Rhodes

Remember, I'm the only person her who's paid to be nice to you. But not too nice. Give me any lip and I'll break your face. OK? — Orson Scott Card

You call me a princess and sometimes we put on as much gold as we can, and you call me "Jay-Z," and then laugh so hard. — Matthew Quick

MY FRIEND: SO DO YOU TAKE A FOREIGN LANGUAGE CLASS?
ME: SURE DO HAVE BEEN FOR THE LAST 13 YEARS.
MY FRIEND: COOL WHAT LANGUAGE?
ME: MATH. — KanyaACoffman

They came out in a dim, damp basement - a generic sort of place, full of moulding boxes. 'You take me to the nicest places,' Claire said, and sneezed. — Rachel Caine

Treat me like a king and I'll treat you like a queen ... Treat me like a queen and off with your head — Josh Stern

Let me see you ride a donkey over my green again, and as sure as you have a head upon your shoulders, I'll knock your bonnet off, and tread upon it! — Charles Dickens

She looks me dead in the face and says, "The safe word is going to be 'immigration,' because you know I'll stop it. — Kayti McGee

Oh, hey, kettle, I'm pot and wow, you're black." - Owen — Olivia Cunning

That's for me to know, and for you to find out. — Ally Carter

Don't try and make me feel better, Alex. I hate you."
"I hate you, too. — Simone Elkeles

Everyone's crazy except you and me. — Mark Frauenfelder

Don't even think of arguing with me. I'm an old woman and if you fight me about it, it could give me a heart attack. — Sara Humphreys

Being pretty on the inside means you don't hit your brother and you eat all your peas - that's what my grandma taught me. — Lord Chesterfield

Avery: Yeah right, very funny, when are you going to shoot me and dump my body at captree? This is Getting old. — H.M. Ward

There's pretty much no way for me to answer that without sounding like an asshole, so maybe you could do me a solid and not make me. — Alex Potvin

In Pizza Express you can get garlic bread with cheese and tomato. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but that's a pizza. — Jimmy Carr

She's laughing at me. "What's funny, Gidget?" "You love me." I laugh back. "I do, and I'm going to show you just how much every chance I get. — J.A. Huss

It reminds me how funny living in LA can be; You go to a friend's barbecue and you leave the face of Victoria Beckham's look book. — Alice Greczyn

Cut the crap and tell me what color panties you're wearing. — Susan Elizabeth Phillips

So just let me deal with it, I can be emotionally flawed and still love you all at the same time. I'm a great multitasker. — Holly Hood

If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me. — Bobcat Goldthwait

You kill me and I'll see that you never work in this town again. — Steve Martin

Do you reckon the Queen has ever pulled a blanket up so just her head's showing and gone 'Philip, look at me! I'm a stamp!' — Russell Howard

Discovering Samuel Beckett in college was a big deal for me. I realized you could be very funny and very dark at the same time. — Billy Collins

What do you do with all your money?"
"Me and the French hoard gold. — Dashiell Hammett

Do you recognise me?" he asked. Willie looked hard and considered before finally replying "Lie down so I can recognise you. — Willie Pep

Show me a woman who doesn't feel guilty and I'll show you a man. — Erica Jong

It's all chop-change chop-change with you. Either go out with me and treat me nicely, or leave me alone. As I say, I am not interested in fuckwittage. — Helen Fielding

Some people come up to me and say "You know, in Italy, it's pronounced Ber-beel-lia" And I say "Well, here in America, you're annoying ... " — Mike Birbiglia

A big girl once came up to me after a show and said "I think you're fatist." I said "No, no. I think you're fattest." — Jimmy Carr

A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said "her brothers got a moustache!" — Billy Connolly

I had no idea what time it was, but I felt boneless and it would take an act of God to get me out of this bed. Or chocolate. — Jennifer L. Armentrout

I love how you still think if you tell me to do something, I'll just check my brain at the door and do it. — C.J. Redwine

I didn't go to college at all, any college, and I'm not saying you wasted your time or money, but look at me, I'm a huge celebrity. — Ellen DeGeneres

And all I know is, you've got to give me everything. Nothing less 'cause, you know I give you all of me. — Gwen Stefani

We were talking briefly about cocaine ... yeah. Anything that makes you paranoid and impotent, give me more of that! — Robin Williams

I don't think this is working out between us," I told him. "You and I want different things. It's not me, it's you. — T.J. Klune

Let me just say it out loud so we can laugh together: You're going to find Johnny Depp, take him back to Vahalal, and put him in a zoo? — Gary Ghislain

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. — Jack Benny

He smiled, surprised. 'This is for me?'
'No,' she said, 'it's ... ' She couldn't think of anything funny to say. 'Yeah, it's for you. — Rainbow Rowell

Yes!" it exclaimed, bouncing up and down, its ears flapping like sails. "Yes, you hear me! Razor found you! Found girl and funny dark elf. — Julie Kagawa

Hello, Mrs. Tran ... I have David's homework. And if you ever want to see it again, you'll pay me the two million dollars I asked for. — Nenia Campbell

I rolled my eyes. "Do all narcotics officers lack basic human
compassion, or were you just not hugged enough as a child?"
Trust Me — L.A. Witt

You'll see a lot of funny stuff, you'll see a lot of daddy-knows-best stuff, you'll see a lot of me and my wife trying to hold the family together. — Russell Simmons

Rock-Paper-Scissors for it."
"But you always cheat," Blake whined. "And then you just punch me and growl that 'rock beats face'. — Kyle Adams

You amaze me. You're 229 years old and that's what you think is funny. — Max Wright

If you do not find me funny, that is your problem and I am not going away. — Greg Proops

And all those things you listed right now, they're
things Garrett and I do together. Dude, you don't want me. You want me and
Garrett. — Elle Kennedy

Anything for you, Dru. And I mean it. Now, be quiet and let me concentrate. — Lili St. Crow

You know, it's funny what you'll miss when you're away from home. Now me, I miss the smell of coffee ... and bacon frying in the morning. — Fannie Flagg

Back from where? you're not going out again and leaving me here are you?? Holy Hercules I sound like somebody's wife — Ruth Downie

It's so funny you judge me arrogant after I succeeded.
You didn't help me at all when I was so poor and needy. — Toba Beta

I'm going to need to save you."
"Excuse me? No one needs-"
"I'm saving you, so shut up and be grateful. — Kelley Armstrong

To me this is not yelling. I am not yelling. I'm just passionate about my opinions and I want to tell you all of them before you start talking again. — Bill Burr

I see no women out here, and you're chanting about a male organ, now tell me who's the fruit booty? — John Layfield

Maybe you should make me a list of people I can kill and ways in which they're allowed to die," he said. "You are not funny." "I'm very funny. — Ilona Andrews

Don't you just hate it, when you are in bed with three beautiful women, and the least attractive one whispers: save it for me! — Jim Carrey

I love being a dad, it keeps me fit and inspired and children are so funny. They always supply you with acting material! — Wesley Snipes

You have a gorgeous ass, and it holds handprints beautifully.
Oh, well, how nice for me. — Cherise Sinclair

A brick is ... ... ... Well it's a bloody brick what more do you want from me? — Nicole McKay

How long have you known me, Jack? And you still don't know how to spell my name. — Yogi Berra

The police are on the way to arrest you for stealing my heart, hijacking my feelings, and driving me crazy. — Harriet Morgan

Fascinating," I said, turning toward Ian. "You never told me Simon went to Oxford."
"Simon went to Oxford, Sophie. — Fisher Amelie

Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?" — Jimmy Carr

That depends. Are you going to call me an ass again?"
"That depends. Are you going to act like one?" -Ashton and Maya — Kelley Armstrong

I won't say that you're pretty because that dog already did. And I won't say you're funny because you have had me laughing since I met you. — Melissa Landers

I used to drink wine. This girl asked me, "Doesn't wine give you a headache?" "Yeah, eventually, but the first and the middle part are amazing!" — Mitch Hedberg

This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me." — Tim Vine

If I were you, I'd go and do that. : Vikalp
That's why you're not me! : Yatharth. — Shubham Choudhary

You will stay with me. You will sleep here at my side and you will touch me. I am depressed but not when you stroke my chest. — Laurann Dohner

Cause if you were my girlfriend and a stud like me was livin' in your house, I'd kiss you in front of the guy every chance I got as a reminder. — Simone Elkeles

I used to go in for Disney auditions, and they'd tell me, 'You're cute and nice but just not funny.' — Gattlin Griffith

The great William Shakespeare said, "What's in a name?" He also said, "Call me Billy one more time and I will stab you with this ink quill. — Cuthbert Soup

If I was a mechanic and someone called me and said their car would not start, I would say, "Hey - maybe a killer is after you!" — Mitch Hedberg

You could knock my teeth out and break my nose, and there'd be something funny about it to me. — Chevy Chase

You're a sad little hermit, and it creeps me out. — Rainbow Rowell

Don't come closer to me at any time without make-up. I may slap and make you feel the taste of death. — Jeevagan Nagarajan

His eyes widened. Oh, hell, you think I'm going to let him bite me? No way. It's too risky and way too guy. — C.C. Hunter