Funny Work Humor Quotes: top 39 famous quotes about Funny Work Humor

Funny Work Humor Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Work Humor quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

How does gravity work? And if it were to cease suddenly, would certain restaurants still require a jacket? — Woody Allen

I have a roommate, and I signed a year lease. I screwed up! That's like I wrote a joke that didn't work, but now I have to tell it for a year. — Mitch Hedberg

I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning ... That can keep me awake for days.. — Billy Connolly

Part of being a good gymnast is being very disciplined - you have to know how to train right, eat right, sleep right. — Jonathan Horton

Nothing says work efficiency like panic mode. — Don Roff

This surely is a good rule: whenever you see a fault in any other man, or any other church, look for it in yourself and in your own church. — Warren W. Wiersbe

Stop scapegoating immigrants[Stop using] outrageous phrases like 'illegal aliens.' — Howard Dean

Inconvenience in progress, work is regretted. — Aravind Adiga

Youth is a question of energy. — Vanessa Paradis

You kill me and I'll see that you never work in this town again. — Steve Martin

Bringing a pot plant to the office, I believe, is a sign of quite serious commitment. — Danielle Wood

She became whoever she needed to be to survive,but she never let anyone else define her. — Jodi Picoult

I don't know how breeder marriages ever work, since the wife never seems to understand. — Andrea Speed

My mate asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?" I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me." — Tim Vine

He writes so well he makes me feel like putting my quill back in my goose. — Fred Allen

I've never met anyone that is their image. — Macy Gray

I used to work at the unemployment office. I hated it, because when they fired me, I had to show up to work anyway. — Wallace Wang

The human body is the best work of art. — Jess C. Scott

It's kinda weird sometimes going on tour with bands because you never really know what to expect. — Kellin Quinn

It was a well-known fact that Lorna was leaving in six months' time, since Lorna had been leaving in six months' time for close to twenty-five years. — Danielle Wood

Labor is a man crowning glory."
"Not this man's."
"I quote Marx"
I raised my hands. The pickaxe handle had been rough.
"I quote blisters. — John Fowles

If it doesn't work, at least it will be an interesting train wreck. — Craig Ferguson

I find it quite incredible how much peace and quiet a person actually needs in order to devote himself entirely to his thoughts. — Oddny Eir

Torn clothes are funny ... until your dad gets fired. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I do pauses, pauses work for me — Dylan Moran

I had heard of offices feeling like prisons, but in this case our prison felt, rather anticlimactically, like an office. — William Ritter

Blankets make great traps for the clinically insane, but a straightjacket might work better. — Nicole McKay

Really, he called me that? Ellen DeGenerate? I've been getting that since fourth grade. I guess I'm happy I could give him work. — Ellen DeGeneres

Just relax. Everyone around you is working too hard. — Bauvard

Your life is like a play. Your eyelids are the curtains. Sleep is intermission. And you are the audience. — Unklnown

If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work? — Steven Wright

I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens. — Frank Carson

What I want to do is to make people laugh so that they'll see things seriously. — William Zinsser

A vacuum of ideas affects people differently than a vacuum of air, otherwise readers of books would be constantly collapsing. — Georg C. Lichtenberg

You never get somewhere, without starting from somewhere". — Abdulazeez Henry Musa

We're all made of the same kind of stuff, and there's none of us made of stuff that's flawless. — Susan Glaspell

Instead of committing suicide, people go to work. — Thomas Bernhard

Every Friday is black where I work. — The Covert Comic

It's funny how things work out sometimes. — Anthony Horowitz