Funny Wanted Quotes: top 89 famous quotes about Funny Wanted

Funny Wanted Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Wanted quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

If I wanted to be bored by 6,000 pages of unreadable dreck, I'd read War and Peace four times. — Lewis Black

Look, if I'd wanted a lecture on the rights of man, I'd have gone to bed with Martin Luther. — Rowan Atkinson

I wanted to be funny for people who didn't care about fashion at all, to just to kind of exist as a silly character. — Ben Stiller

My parents are both super funny, and I always knew I wanted to be on 'SNL.' My mom and I would watch it a lot. — Casey Wilson

I realized my family was funny, because nobody ever wanted to leave our house. — Anthony Anderson

I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough. — Rodney Dangerfield

I wanted to shove her typewriter on the floor. I hated it and I hated her. I wanted to be a Cosby. — Augusten Burroughs

Funny how it works out though that when you expect nothing from a person, they might just give you everything you didn't know you wanted. — Jamie Kain

When I was born I brought no joy, my father said he wanted a boy! — Rodney Dangerfield

As soon as I realized you could be funny as a job, that was the job I wanted. — Seth Rogen

All my life I've wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought — Robert Breault

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific. — Lily Tomlin

I never intended to make a living from music. That's the funny thing. I wanted to be a journalist. — Pete Seeger

My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her, so I said "Alright, fatty." — Jimmy Carr

My sister wanted a cat for a pet ... I wanted a dog, so they bought a cat and taught it to bark. — Chic Murray

I wish I wanted you, Rehv.
He laughed dryly. Funny. I know just what you mean. — J.R. Ward

I was attracted to people who were funny because I wanted to be in that world. — Anne Beatts

When I was a little kid I always wanted to be ginger. My best friend was ginger and he was pretty cool. — Noel Fielding

In that moment, I wanted to punch myself in the face. — Jennifer L. Armentrout

I wanted to be in show business, and I was funny. — Tom Smothers

All I wanted for Christmas was a New Years Eve party that I would never forget. Too bad I got too drunk to remember it. — Carroll Bryant

There was a part of my brain that wanted to ask if his wife had a beard, verify my theory. I told that part of my brain to shut up. — R.R. Virdi

Ceres wanted a united front in the plant war."
"The plant war," Percy said. "You're going to arm all the little grapes with tiny assault rifles? — Rick Riordan

Someone wanted to choke me to death on my own hair? — K.J. Charles

I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich. — Matt Groening

I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen. — Red Skelton

Growing up my mother used to tell me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Funny how I always wanted to be me. — Leona Keyoko Pink

I remember straightening my hair because I wanted to be like everybody else, and now the fact that anybody would emulate what I do? It's just funny. — Taylor Swift

I used to say I wanted somebody funny and intelligent, but kindness is the most important quality in a man. — Cat Deeley

I wanted to play with death, like a child with a new toy, I wanted to push all the buttons and see what would happen. — Holly Hood

When have I ever given him the impression that I was okay with him just stopping by whenever he wanted to use my body as an organic garbage disposal? — Nash Summers

She moved like water, graceful and soft and lovely. Every part of me wanted to stick out my foot and trip her, just to see her stumble. — Cassandra Rose Clarke

The thing is, Fallon ... I told you before to lock the door if you wanted me to stay out. Funny thing is ... " I leaned in. "You. Never. Did. — Penelope Douglas

Some girls want to be a princess when they grow up. I wanted to be in a bad bitch girl gang. — Natalia Kills

She bared her teeth at me. "Screw you, shifter!"
"Ah, is our honeymoon period over so quickly? You wanted to jump my bones just a second ago. — Cori Moore

Don't be a tourist. Plan less. Go slowly. I traveled in the most inefficient way possible and it took me exactly where I wanted to go. — Andrew Evans

I've never wanted to kill myself over anything major. It's always the little things that do me in. — Bill Burr

If they wanted their shit stirred, then stirred their shit was jolly well going to be. — Stephen Clarke

She wanted to be given a funny script so that she could make it funnier. — Nick Hornby

I was just getting acquainted with the wood. I wanted to see if it was maple or pine. — Kurt Rambis

Weirdly, for someone who wanted to be funny, I didn't like a lot of attention. — Michael Keaton

I wanted to see how funny I could be without making the choice that every 10 minutes something big and visual had to happen. — Judd Apatow

I wanted to write something tough, hard, sad, but funny. — Jennifer Niven

Jake Johnson wanted to make clear that he was the great American actor, not just the funny guy on 'New Girl.' — Colin Trevorrow

I always just wanted to be funny. I never really planned to be scary. — R.L. Stine

If God had wanted us to play football in the sky, He'd have put grass up there. — Brian Clough

I do not know what it was about that boy but just looking at him, even I wanted to clout him on the head. It was a head that invited violence. — Patrick DeWitt

I've always wanted to go out with a bang, that's why I carry two bricks around with me wherever I go, so when I leave a room I clap them together. — Nicole McKay

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle. — Mitch Hedberg

The fact of the matter is that I wanted to hold a grudge in some funny kind of way.Against everybody. — Mario Puzo

An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband wanted to know who the other man was. — Frank Carson

When I was younger I wanted to be a big movie star who'd get to be funny on talk shows and then I wanted to retire and write science fiction. — Scott Thompson

Never in his life had he hit a girl, nor would he. But, right now, he wanted to kick that NSA cutie in the ass cheek. — Shane Scollins

How funny it was. The very thing that had broken her heart, now no longer wanted. A trick of time. — Robin Black

You just wanted to walk in front of me so I'd have to stare at your butt — Laurell K. Hamilton

I really wanted to just be a musician. I didn't want to be anything else, but I was funny and all that. — Jamie Foxx

I roofied you because I wanted you naked ... and afraid, Tyler says again in a sinister voice — Tara Sivec

I wanted to be funny. And I'm always acknowledged for my pranks and jokes nowadays. — Steve Wozniak

Don't you think you're quite young?'
'I'm twenty-one,' said Brida. 'If I wanted to start learning ballet, I'd be conseidered too old. — Paulo Coelho

I've always wanted to have a suitcase handcuffed to my wrist. That's not a full joke there! It's filler. — Mitch Hedberg

I wanted to beat the heck out of the JV guys for that, except I wouldn't know what to do in a fistfight without a manual. — Carrie Harris

I rented a car. I didn't really need one, I just wanted to make one less available. I wanted one businessman on the bus with no car. — Mitch Hedberg

I wanted to be that quirky girl who writes funny songs that still have meaning. — Katy Perry

What I've always wanted to do is be as funny as possible. — John Cleese

And, you know, I liked writing humor. Well, I should say, I wanted to write seriously, but it kept turning funny. — Roseanne Barr

I have never wanted to punch a highway in the face as badly as I do right now. — Seanan McGuire

Kicking a police car? Really?' Caleb shrugged. 'Car offended me. It was sitting right where I wanted to stand. What would you do? — Sherrilyn Kenyon

Hayden?"
"Yes,Gia?"
"Nothing I just wanted to say your name — Kasie West

We had to break up, though. We wanted different things - like he wanted kids and I wanted him to hear. — Amy Schumer

When I was a little kid I wanted to be Face. I thought, cos I had blond hair and he did too, that when I grew up I'd look like him. — Noel Fielding

I was a theater guy growing up and I wanted to be Al Pacino, and I think I just looked and sounded too funny. — Charlie Day

Dark, cool, musty, smoky, where light fell funny and everyone looked like someone you knew or wanted to know. Or, more likely, wanted to forget. — David Baldacci

I drew the duck blue because I've never seen a blue duck before and, to be honest with you I wanted to see a blue duck. — Adam Sandler

Wanted: Steel toed Bible thumpers to reach a monster truck mad world. — M.J. McGuire

I've always wanted to work with children, to help people, and to be funny. — Kym Whitley

I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen. — Emo Philips

I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along. — Groucho Marx

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. — Mel Brooks

"I got up early because I wanted to." - Nobody — Jim Gaffigan

I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards. — Mitch Hedberg

So? I know lots of beautiful women. Nova wanted to chase ... I merely obliged her by running. — D.D. Chant

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor. — Joan Rivers

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives. — Billy Connolly

Roan tried not to stare, but the guard's head was almost perfectly egg shaped. He wanted to ask him if he'd ever had a hen sit on him by mistake. — Andrea Speed

I wanted to remind you that you do not allow me to deliver boats, as I have been known to crash them. — Jennifer Echols

I wanted to write at school - to write funny stories which the teacher might ask me to read out to the class. It's all basically about showing off. — Mark Billingham

WHY did she do this? She was a terrible drunk texter. All the things she wanted to say to people during the day came out at night, like a vampire. — Harriet Evans

Hey. I just wanted to make sure you got home," I say. "Katniss, I live three houses away from you," he says. — Suzanne Collins

Everybody wanted to be depressed. But your depression was supposed to be funny, too, and that was what had proved too much for Dolores. — Mary Gaitskill