Funny Vine Quotes: top 40 famous quotes about Funny Vine

Funny Vine Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Vine quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Funny Vine Quotes By Tim Vine: Black holes. I don't know what people see

Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. Exit signs? They're on their way out. — Tim Vine

Funny Vine Quotes By Tim Vine: I went into a shop and I said,

I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he?" — Tim Vine

Funny Vine Quotes By Tim Vine: When I left home, my mum said "Don't

When I left home, my mum said "Don't forget to write", I thought, "That's unlikely" ... It's a basic skill isn't it ... — Tim Vine

Funny Vine Quotes By Tim Vine: Believe it or not, there are twice as

Believe it or not, there are twice as many eyebrows in the world as there are people. — Tim Vine

Funny Vine Quotes By Jonathan Lipnicki: I remember getting a Phoenix Suns T-shirt. I

I remember getting a Phoenix Suns T-shirt. I had that Phoenix Suns T-shirt forever. It's the funny things you remember as a kid, but it was a blast. — Jonathan Lipnicki

Funny Vine Quotes By Tim Vine: I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah.

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one. — Tim Vine

Funny Vine Quotes By Tim Vine: I phoned the local ramblers club today and

I phoned the local ramblers club today and this bloke just went on and on. — Tim Vine

Funny Vine Quotes By Tim Vine: So I went in to a pet shop.

So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is." — Tim Vine

Funny Vine Quotes By Denis Waitley: Personal development is the belief that you are

Personal development is the belief that you are worth the effort, time, and energy needed to develop yourself. — Denis Waitley

Funny Vine Quotes By Audra McDonald: And if you hear something you know, please

And if you hear something you know, please sing along. No wait - I take that back - you can't sing along - this is about me now - this is my show. — Audra McDonald

Funny Vine Quotes By Tim Vine: I'm so lazy I've got a smoke alarm

I'm so lazy I've got a smoke alarm with a snooze button. — Tim Vine

Funny Vine Quotes By Tim Vine: You know, I'm not very good at magic

You know, I'm not very good at magic - I can only do half of a trick. Yes - I'm a member of the Magic Semi-circle. — Tim Vine

Funny Vine Quotes By Tim Vine: So I fancied a game of darts with

So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.' — Tim Vine

Funny Vine Quotes By Tim Vine: So I went down the local supermarket, I

So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions". — Tim Vine

Funny Vine Quotes By Tim Vine: I went to the doctor. I said to

I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said, "You've got cholera." — Tim Vine

Funny Vine Quotes By Tim Vine: I was in this restaurant and I asked

I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver. — Tim Vine

Funny Vine Quotes By Lailah Gifty Akita: Love will always keep your heart warm.

Love will always keep your heart warm. — Lailah Gifty Akita

Funny Vine Quotes By Art Shay: A photograph is a biography of a moment.

A photograph is a biography of a moment. — Art Shay

Funny Vine Quotes By Maisie Williams: I haven't done Vine in a long time,

I haven't done Vine in a long time, and when I first started, I just did stuff that I thought was funny. — Maisie Williams

Funny Vine Quotes By Tim Vine: I'll tell you what makes my blood boil?

I'll tell you what makes my blood boil? ... Crematoriums. — Tim Vine

Funny Vine Quotes By Tim Vine: My mate asked me "What do you think

My mate asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?" I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me." — Tim Vine

Funny Vine Quotes By Tim Vine: So I met the bloke who invented crosswords

So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R. — Tim Vine

Funny Vine Quotes By Tim Vine: Now did you know if a stick insect

Now did you know if a stick insect laid it's eggs in a jar of Bovril it will give birth to a litter of twiglets. — Tim Vine

Funny Vine Quotes By Albert Camus: I always hope, in fact, that my interlocutor

I always hope, in fact, that my interlocutor will be a policeman and that he will arrest me for the theft of 'The Just Judges'". — Albert Camus

Funny Vine Quotes By Tim Vine: So I went to buy a watch, and

So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch." — Tim Vine

Funny Vine Quotes By Tim Vine: The other day someone left a piece of

The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it. — Tim Vine

Funny Vine Quotes By Tim Vine: I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it

I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best Before End ... ' — Tim Vine

Funny Vine Quotes By Martin Walser: You cannot simply discard God like a box

You cannot simply discard God like a box that has been emptied. — Martin Walser

Funny Vine Quotes By Tim Vine: So this bloke says to me, "Can I

So this bloke says to me, "Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?" I thought "That's all I need, a Je-hoover's witness". — Tim Vine

Funny Vine Quotes By Michel De Montaigne: Tis the taste of effeminacy that disrelishes ordinary

Tis the taste of effeminacy that disrelishes ordinary and accustomed things. — Michel De Montaigne

Funny Vine Quotes By Tim Vine: I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't

I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it. — Tim Vine

Funny Vine Quotes By Tim Vine: This policeman came up to me with a

This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me." — Tim Vine

Funny Vine Quotes By Adolf Hitler: In vowing ourselves to one another, we are

In vowing ourselves to one another, we are entitled to stand before the Almighty and ask Him for His grace and His blessing. — Adolf Hitler

Funny Vine Quotes By John Malkovich: I'd hate to see any film I'm involved

I'd hate to see any film I'm involved in fail, especially artistically but also business-wise. — John Malkovich

Funny Vine Quotes By Tim Vine: I met this gangster who pulls up people's

I met this gangster who pulls up people's pants. Name's Wedgie Kray. — Tim Vine

Funny Vine Quotes By Tim Vine: You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust

You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter. — Tim Vine

Funny Vine Quotes By Sunday Adelaja: Godliness should promote the posture worth of exercise

Godliness should promote the posture worth of exercise and fitness — Sunday Adelaja

Funny Vine Quotes By Brenda Rothert: And then one day, one of my daughters

And then one day, one of my daughters sat me down and told me that even though he was gone, I wasn't. That it was time to find a new life for myself. — Brenda Rothert

Funny Vine Quotes By Adam Carolla: I was a horrible student.

I was a horrible student. — Adam Carolla

Funny Vine Quotes By Jennifer Carpenter: I usually spend the hiatus of 'Dexter' in

I usually spend the hiatus of 'Dexter' in New York in a way to balance things. — Jennifer Carpenter