Funny Vine Quotes: top 40 famous quotes about Funny Vine

Funny Vine Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Vine quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. Exit signs? They're on their way out. — Tim Vine

I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he?" — Tim Vine

When I left home, my mum said "Don't forget to write", I thought, "That's unlikely" ... It's a basic skill isn't it ... — Tim Vine

Believe it or not, there are twice as many eyebrows in the world as there are people. — Tim Vine

I remember getting a Phoenix Suns T-shirt. I had that Phoenix Suns T-shirt forever. It's the funny things you remember as a kid, but it was a blast. — Jonathan Lipnicki

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one. — Tim Vine

I phoned the local ramblers club today and this bloke just went on and on. — Tim Vine

So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is." — Tim Vine

Personal development is the belief that you are worth the effort, time, and energy needed to develop yourself. — Denis Waitley

And if you hear something you know, please sing along. No wait - I take that back - you can't sing along - this is about me now - this is my show. — Audra McDonald

I'm so lazy I've got a smoke alarm with a snooze button. — Tim Vine

You know, I'm not very good at magic - I can only do half of a trick. Yes - I'm a member of the Magic Semi-circle. — Tim Vine

So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.' — Tim Vine

So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions". — Tim Vine

I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said, "You've got cholera." — Tim Vine

I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver. — Tim Vine

Love will always keep your heart warm. — Lailah Gifty Akita

A photograph is a biography of a moment. — Art Shay

I haven't done Vine in a long time, and when I first started, I just did stuff that I thought was funny. — Maisie Williams

I'll tell you what makes my blood boil? ... Crematoriums. — Tim Vine

My mate asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?" I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me." — Tim Vine

So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R. — Tim Vine

Now did you know if a stick insect laid it's eggs in a jar of Bovril it will give birth to a litter of twiglets. — Tim Vine

I always hope, in fact, that my interlocutor will be a policeman and that he will arrest me for the theft of 'The Just Judges'". — Albert Camus

So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch." — Tim Vine

The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it. — Tim Vine

I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best Before End ... ' — Tim Vine

You cannot simply discard God like a box that has been emptied. — Martin Walser

So this bloke says to me, "Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?" I thought "That's all I need, a Je-hoover's witness". — Tim Vine

Tis the taste of effeminacy that disrelishes ordinary and accustomed things. — Michel De Montaigne

I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it. — Tim Vine

This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me." — Tim Vine

In vowing ourselves to one another, we are entitled to stand before the Almighty and ask Him for His grace and His blessing. — Adolf Hitler

I'd hate to see any film I'm involved in fail, especially artistically but also business-wise. — John Malkovich

I met this gangster who pulls up people's pants. Name's Wedgie Kray. — Tim Vine

You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter. — Tim Vine

Godliness should promote the posture worth of exercise and fitness — Sunday Adelaja

And then one day, one of my daughters sat me down and told me that even though he was gone, I wasn't. That it was time to find a new life for myself. — Brenda Rothert

I was a horrible student. — Adam Carolla

I usually spend the hiatus of 'Dexter' in New York in a way to balance things. — Jennifer Carpenter