Funny Tim Vine Quotes
Collection of top 38 famous quotes about Funny Tim Vine
Funny Tim Vine Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Tim Vine quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he?"
— Tim Vine
When I left home, my mum said "Don't forget to write", I thought, "That's unlikely" ... It's a basic skill isn't it ...
— Tim Vine
It's a shadelight. Some of my men put one up whenever I lose a member of the crew. To light his shade's way back to his bunk, so he can rest.
— Jim Butcher
So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."
— Tim Vine
You know, I'm not very good at magic - I can only do half of a trick. Yes - I'm a member of the Magic Semi-circle.
— Tim Vine
So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.'
— Tim Vine
So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions".
— Tim Vine
I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said, "You've got cholera."
— Tim Vine
I have rarely met a musical I haven't liked.
— James Snyder
So this bloke says to me, "Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?" I thought "That's all I need, a Je-hoover's witness".
— Tim Vine
There is nothing beginning nor end to the imagination but it delights in its own seasons reversing the usual order at will.
— William Carlos Williams
Our belief in God is not blind faith. Belief is having a firm conviction something is true, not hoping it's true.
— Max Lucado
I bought my kid an educational toy to help him make it through life. No matter how you put it together, it's wrong.
— Milton Berle
Skill is in your mind.
Talent is in your heart.
Genius is in your soul. — Matshona Dhliwayo
Talent is in your heart.
Genius is in your soul. — Matshona Dhliwayo
I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.
— Tim Vine
Pansy," Murphy sneered.
Thomas leered at her. "You make my stamen tingle when you talk like that, Sergeant. — Jim Butcher
Thomas leered at her. "You make my stamen tingle when you talk like that, Sergeant. — Jim Butcher
#Note: There is a wonder to life. Pursue it. Hunt for it. Your goal is not to live long ... it's to live!
— Milan Jed
My mate asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?" I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me."
— Tim Vine
So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.
— Tim Vine
Now did you know if a stick insect laid it's eggs in a jar of Bovril it will give birth to a litter of twiglets.
— Tim Vine
Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
— Will Rogers
If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.
— Dana Gould
We believe in the dignity of every life, the possibility of every mind, the divinity of every soul. This is our true North.
— Elizabeth Dole
The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it.
— Tim Vine
So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch."
— Tim Vine
The first 12-string guitar I bought was probably around 1957.
— Roger McGuinn