Funny Single Quotes: top 34 famous quotes about Funny Single

Funny Single Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Single quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose you more money than any single person in your life, with the possible exception of your kids — Harvey MacKay

If Rose's streak was still intact, with that single to left, the fans would be throwing babies out of the upper deck. — Jerry Coleman

There's not a single job in this town. There's nothin', nada, zip. Unless you wanna workforty hours a week. — Jeff Daniels

It was 10:30 in the morning and I was already running behind. This is hardly unusual, but it pisses me off every single time. — Julie Powell

It's in our own lives, every single day, whether we recognize it as funny at the moment or not. — Sean Astin

I have a friend named Doris who argues, on good authority, that the single biggest cause of global warming is menopause. — Dave Barry

Incredible to think isn't it, that every single Scotsman, started off as a scotch egg. Old and gingery. — Milton Jones

Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. — Robin Williams

I hated meeting people at bars when I was single because it's all about the looks and the funny line. — Sam Yagan

Every single living thing is food to at least one living thing. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife." "So you're single!" — Henny Youngman

The point of the list wasn't just to tick items off and forget about them, it was to learn something new. — Lindsey Kelk

Face Book keeps asking me to complete my relationship status; I doubt it has the soul of a gossip magazine column's starving journalist. — Shahla Khan

I think we are going to have to love ourselves. Fuck. — Liz Tuccillo

I'm OK with being single, but I'm not OK when the time comes where I have to move my furniture around and to change the high ceiling light balls ... — Hiroko Sakai

I have 4 kids already, I don't need anymore. I'm a single parent. I'm taking them through Europe and make them play funny instruments. — Ville Valo

Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer? — Steven Wright

If you ask who I aspire to, well, if a single line of mine was as funny as P. G. Wodehouse can be, that would be great. — Nick Harkaway

Better a loving single-parent family than a 'conventional' family where the parents hate each other and the father is a demagogue. — Moby

A funny and insightful read, which every single girl can relate to. — Take A Break

he hadn't killed or shagged even one single person in front of me - which I felt was a rather good indication of his superior character. — Hettie Ivers

Not every single way of saying the right thing is right. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I'd like to say I'm not dressed up for anyone in particular, but that would be a lie. — Lisa Daily

I've done a lot of Fox shows since then - Married with Children, Living Single and a whole bunch of other Fox things. — Gilbert Gottfried

Cole should be scoring from those distances, but I'm not going to single him out. — Alex Ferguson

Women who seek advice from single women about getting a man is like asking a homeless man how to be rich. — Habeeb Akande

Convoy? Michael, you're hanging around with a man who uses a collective term for a single vehicle. — Steve Coogan

Raphael met Michaela's gaze. "If you could kill every single beautiful woman in the world, would you?"
Her smile never faded. "In an instant. — Nalini Singh

Tip#27

Kiss a girl if you're a female,

If you're a single male kiss a Guy

(Idea)
It's fun to offend society ~ — Hazel Cartwright

I don't sit down to write a funny story. Every single thing I sit down to write is meant to be sad. — Lorrie Moore

She's strong! And scary ... I bet she's single ... I'd put money on it.. — Masashi Kishimoto

My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon. — Frank Carson

The population of earth has reached 7 billion people, every single one of whom send you irritating emails to join something called "LinkedIn." — Dave Barry

I've been single so long that if I hug a brother, he'll get pregnant! — Tranea Prosser