Funny Say And Quotes: top 85 famous quotes about Funny Say And

Funny Say And Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Say And quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Which weakness shall I tell her? "I walk funny," I say, and she's satisfied with that. (inside joke) — Mary E. Pearson

Oh my God, Green," I heard Chubs say from somewhere in the room. "Just take the damn socks
and put the kid out of his misery. — Alexandra Bracken

My "Christianity" was once again just the American religion of work hard, do good, feel good, and maybe God will say, "We good. — Jefferson Bethke

I feel funny about owning art. I don't really want to say: 'Wow, come and see my Monet - it's in a dark room at the bottom of my cellar.' — Baz Luhrmann

I'd love to get into some comedy, but people keep saying, 'You're not funny!' And I say, 'Well, fair enough.' I have done comedy on stage. — Ciaran Hinds

If my name was on a serious work like this it would never get fair treatment. They would all say I had tried to be funny and failed. — Jerome K. Jerome

What do you say when your friends come to visit and the dog starts humping their leg. Well, if it's a pit bull, you say, "You better let him finish." — Robert Schimmel

The doctor looked at my cardiogram and made that "hmmmm" noise that doctors are taught in medical school so they won't come right out and say "UH-oh!" — Dave Barry

If you lose your best cornerback and punter, I'd say that's a double loss. — John Madden

I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, "My dad can beat up your dad." I'd say Yeah? When? — Bill Hicks

People say 'Bill, are you an optimist?' And I say, 'I hope so.' — Bill Bailey

I don't care what the haters and naysayers say. If they make jokes about me, I'll laugh because they'll probably be funny. — Paula Deen

I'm at a Hollywood premiere and I haven't fainted. I'd say I'm doing pretty good. — Veronica Blade

- and you'll remember, when they ask you your religion, that you're a Cath'lic. Better say Roman Cath'lic, tho' I'm not fond of the word. — Rudyard Kipling

He says black, I say white and we do grey — Lazaro Hernandez

She stared down into her coffee, as if she had more to say, but the words had fallen into the mug and were now too soggy to use. — Rachel Vincent

It's so funny because no matter what you say, fans only read and hear what they want. — Tommy Lee

My parents were from New England. It's very funny, but when I grew up, you always had to say, 'Yes, ma'am' and 'Yes, sir.' — Cy Twombly

You can say, 'Can I use your bathroom?' and nobody cares. But if you ask, 'Can I use the plop-plop machine?' it always breaks the conversation. — Dave Attell

If someone were to come up to you in a dark alley and say, "Psst, wanna see a UML diagram?" that
diagram would probably be a class diagram. — Martin Fowler

I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin — Bill Watterson

I used to say I wanted somebody funny and intelligent, but kindness is the most important quality in a man. — Cat Deeley

Anything you say can and will be used against you, so only say my name. — Fall Out Boy

They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. — Clint Eastwood

If she says "I love you," and I say "I know," that's beautiful and acceptable and funny. — Chris Taylor

Milton Hope led the singing of Happy Birthday ... He would say, 'Keep it sweet and short and don't try to be funny.' — Bob Hope

I bought myself a parrot, but it did not say "I'm hungry", and so it died. — Mitch Hedberg

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself. — Tommy Cooper

I guess we're oil and water. (Phoebe)
I'd say we're more like gasoline and a blowtorch. (Dan) — Susan Elizabeth Phillips

I'm just going ahead and say what everyone else here is thinking.
This has got to be the weirdest fucking wedding that has ever happened. — Jessica Gadziala

If you want to say, Lucia, there is no inside of the park benches, I won't argue with you. But, then you have to say where the pigeons come from. — Jesse Ball

People will say you can't do good and do well. They're wrong, that's idiotic advice. — Soledad O'Brien

I said alone!"
He nodded in agreement. "Aye, you usually say that, and I still stay. It's our way. — Kresley Cole

You don't want to have to be the man and the woman in the relationship. I always say you want a man who can fix the toilet. — Pamela Anderson

Kids seem to get me when I play colleges - they like it because I go after them. They'll come up after and say I am like their dads, only funny. — Lewis Black

A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could have only one book, what would it be? I always say, How to Build a Boat. — Stephen Wright

We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks- if we agree with him. — Mark Twain

Sex and pizza, they say, are similar. When it's good, it's good. When it's bad, you get it on your shirt. — Mike Birbiglia

What can I say? I'm like a playground water fountain, I live to wet people's pants. — Frances Winkler

I want to get a job naming kitchen appliances. That seems easy; refrigerator, toaster, blender. You just say what the thing does and add "er". — Mitch Hedberg

I would say 80% of the scripts I get are dramas and not comedies or romantic comedies, which is funny because that's what I do every week. — Eva Longoria

I say, 'Woe to them that have a nose, a real nose,
and come to look round the torture-chamber! Aha, aha, aha! — Gaston Leroux

Mr. A calls me into his office and says he's got bad news and bad news, and which do I want first. I say the bad news. — George Saunders

The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, 'Why didn't you do that when you were on television?' — Conan O'Brien

The dentist drills some more and you hear him make a mistake. And to cover it up, they all say the same thing: "Okay, rinse." — Bill Cosby

If I was a mechanic and someone called me and said their car would not start, I would say, "Hey - maybe a killer is after you!" — Mitch Hedberg

They say laughter is the best medicine, and I agree. Plus, it's free, has no bad side effects and is available to EVERYONE. — Mindy Levy

No matter what time of year it's always funny when a person walks by me dressed in religious garb and I say Happy Halloween! — Gary Gulman

It's funny how guilty people start to question your spirituality and education only because they have nothing to say that will justify their faults. — J.B. Albano

People want me to be funny all the time. They think I'm being funny no matter what I say or do and that's not the case. — Christopher Guest

He smiled, surprised. 'This is for me?'
'No,' she said, 'it's ... ' She couldn't think of anything funny to say. 'Yeah, it's for you. — Rainbow Rowell

Let me just say it out loud so we can laugh together: You're going to find Johnny Depp, take him back to Vahalal, and put him in a zoo? — Gary Ghislain

Comedians are people who say funny things, and comics are people who say things funny. — Staton Rabin

With rap, it's a funny thing. You can say things, and people can take 'em the way they wanna take 'em. — Young Jeezy

You can never look that tough in glasses ... You never see somebody push up their glasses and say, "I'm gonna kick your ass." — Jim Gaffigan

And, you know, I liked writing humor. Well, I should say, I wanted to write seriously, but it kept turning funny. — Roseanne Barr

Whenever I mention Greg Kinnear's name to anyone, they always say, "Oh, love him!" He's a really terrific actor, and very funny. — Miranda Otto

A woman who is praying and a woman who is having fun, they both say " Oh My God", the only difference is how they pronounce it. — M.F. Moonzajer

This is a young man who is only 25, and you have to say, her has answered every question that has ever been asked. — David Coleman

It's funny. All you have to do is say something nobody understands and they'll do practically anything you want them to. — J.D. Salinger

It's fun to be able to have a fun palate, and the way I say that, you think about it and it sounds funny, but it's true. — Joey Fatone

I love how people walk around with crucifixes, skullcaps, pointy hats, funny beards and then say 'you should keep your atheism to yourself.' — Ricky Gervais

The funny thing is people won't let me pay for things. I'll be in a restaurant and the manager will say, 'Oh no, it's on the house.' — Richard Branson

If Spiderman was real, and I was a criminal, and he shot me with his web, I would say, "Dude, thanks for the hammock." — Mitch Hedberg

I won't say that you're pretty because that dog already did. And I won't say you're funny because you have had me laughing since I met you. — Melissa Landers

We need the courage to say obesity is not funny and vulgarity is not amusing. — Maya Angelou

Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak! — J.K. Rowling

Sex and murder are the same. Well, you say the same after both don't you? 'Damn I got to get the hell out of here! What was I thinking!' — Dave Attell

Sites like Funny or Die and College Humor are great, but I'd say it's appealing to 80% men and 20% women. — Zooey Deschanel

Ben walks in the room and asks, "What were you guys doing?" Nikki says "Nothing" at the same time I say, "Your sister and I were just makin' out. — Simone Elkeles

Some people come up to me and say "You know, in Italy, it's pronounced Ber-beel-lia" And I say "Well, here in America, you're annoying ... " — Mike Birbiglia

It's funny, but if I had to say whom I'm closer to, who knows me better, I'd have a hard time choosing between my husband and my best friend. — Nancy Thayer

If you don't drink 56 bottles of water a week, scientists say you should take a garden hose at the end of the week and shove it up your ass. — Lewis Black

Someday you'll meet people who are actually on crack and you won't think that's a super funny thing to say. — Patrick Stump

They say the recipe for Sprite is lemon and lime. I tried to make it at home. There's more to it than that. — Mitch Hedberg

You could take Vicodin, step out of the house, onto a freeway, have a truck hit you, and you'd say "My Bad!". — Bill Engvall

I don't know if I was a funny kid. I would say I was a loud and weird kid. — Will Forte

I often say if men were meant to fly we would have been born with either feathers and wings or at the very least parachutes that pop out of our butts. — John Zakour

The whole thing reminds me of graduate school seminars, except these people are smart and funny and have something interesting to say. — Sarah Vowell

However, if you do start crying in an argument and someone asks why, you can always say, I'm just crying because of how wrong you are. — Amy Poehler

When I die, I want it to say 'Short and Funny' on my tombstone. — John Requa

It's all chop-change chop-change with you. Either go out with me and treat me nicely, or leave me alone. As I say, I am not interested in fuckwittage. — Helen Fielding

Sometimes you just gotta let sh-t go and say 'to hell with it' and move on. — Eminem

You're not eating the cheese, Frank says accusingly. And you're fucking my mom, I want to say back. — Lauren Barnholdt

Who's to say where funny stops and 'too far' starts? — Michael Patrick King