Funny Quotes Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Funny Quotes
Funny Quotes Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Quotes quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
Women were tricky creatures under the best of circumstances. This was not the best of circumstances.
— Genevieve Dewey
Hot, raunchy and funny. - GiveMeBooks
— Scarlett Avery
That's about as effective as a windshield wiper on a goat's ass.
— Denise Tompkins
One does not simply ring Roland.Oh boy. I supposed I would get a lecture on the dangers of wandering into Mordor next. — Ilona Andrews
Who says you only get one? If you're lucky, you will meet The One, The Two, The Three ... and so on.Nesta — Cathy Hopkins
Oh, hey, kettle, I'm pot and wow, you're black." - Owen
— Olivia Cunning
Vomit and shit, even your own, stink.
— Sheeja Jose
Love is relentless, and so am I ;)
— Keisha Keenleyside
That's what gets converts these days," Baron said. "It's a buyers' market in apocalypse. What's hot in heresy's Armageddon.
— China Mieville
I've written for the waste basket so often that we've become friends. He writes too, but it's mostly garbage.
— Ryan Lilly
Cale! Have you had a female in here?"Calic laughed carelessly. "Depends on when you're referring to. — Kiersten Fay
The medium is the message, the message is encrypted, and the encryption key is controlled by NSA.
— The Covert Comic
That's the problem with best friends. Sometimes they know you better than you know yourself.
— Cecily Von Ziegesar
I am not fake, I am just too good to be true (-:
— Mahsati Abdul
Oh my, you big stud, your dancing boobs have enchanted me with your hypnotic sexual magnitudeness.
— Kyle Adams
Flirting with random women in a tavern? That sounds like Helios. Well, it sounds like most of the gods, actually.
— Rick Riordan
When they figure out how to bottle up orgasms and sell them as a food additive, I'll be first in line.
— Nenia Campbell
Turning to Turnip, Miss Dempsey said, 'Do you think?'. 'As little as I can,' Turnip replied honestly.
— Lauren Willig
An ignorant man who is regarded as knowledgeable by people who are more ignorant than him is still ignorant.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
And the challenge in the next round would be determined by the winner of this test. "Like, what, the DOM-matrix?" ~Tara Reese
— Lucian Bane
Forgive my brother," Camira apologized. "We don't normally let him out of his cage when guests are present.
— Brandon Mull
Have you ever heard someone say 'I shouldn't have trusted my intuition'?
— Jennifer Ho-Dougatz
...and yes that was meant to be interpreted in a sarcastic bubblegum tone complete with clapping and jazz hands.
— K.R. Grace
Come with me if you want to live.
— Jim Butcher
We all have that one friend that walks into your home like its their home
— Thabang Gideon Magaola
Don't believe everything you read on the Internet.
— Abraham Lincoln
If you drink anymore, you're going to be positively flammable.
— Michaela Haze
Life and death played out before my very eyes. You don't see these things if you clean your room regularly. — Joan Bauer
His appearance projected danger and reinforced the common knowledge that one did not want to piss off a demon, especially this one.
— Kiersten Fay
Life isn't over until you're dead. Another ultra-positive, ultra-motivational tweet to improve your day. You're welcome.
— Carla H. Krueger
It's not fair! (Ryssa)Because life was ever about fairness.
Oh, to be as naive as his sister. — Sherrilyn Kenyon
When pointing out the flaws in others, people always end up talking about themselves.
— Claire Chilton
Life is funny...we never know what's in store for us and time brings on what is meant to be.
— April Mae Monterrosa
I will take all my rights! Can you deliver them to my house?
— Ljupka Cvetanova
Normally, she would never wish a head injury on anyone, but it might make her days in Archival Studies a bit easier.
— Jaleigh Johnson
Some people are born to fandom, others have fandom thrust upon them.
— Nenia Campbell
But some jokes are hilarious until they become true and they're not so funny anymore.
— Jonathan Dunne
Sometimes funny is all you've got.
— Amy Harmon
You deserve good sperm. You've waited a long time.
— Buffy Andrews
If I had to pick another career, I'd be an optometrist for potatoes. That's where the money is.
— Peter Wisan
Every Friday is black where I work.
— The Covert Comic
Yoga pants often answer questions I didn't ask.
— Tim Heaton
This funny thing we call love, how simple it may seem. To say it is sometimes enough but to feel it is a dream.
— Raneem Kayyali
He is not an ideal husband. I am his wife.
— Ljupka Cvetanova
My condolences, you're still alive.
— Fakeer Ishavardas
I love your hairless chest." She nuzzled his pecs. "So smooth and sculpted. Like a marble manslut statue.
— Nicole Archer
What the heck kind of name was Sir?
— Cherise Sinclair
Keep trying?I'd rather keep walking. I mean, whisky is whisky — Ljupka Cvetanova
Archbishop: "God is with us!"William the Great : "Bishop, if God is with us, then he is not with them, congratulations!
We are victorious! — Arash Pakravesh
I realized I'd only seen him at night in dim, flattering restaurant lighting. The sun was not his friend.
— Augusten Burroughs
We drink to those who love us, we drink to those who don't. We drink to those who fuck us, and fuck those who don't!
— Tamsyn Bester
Life is pain. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something.
— William Goldman
You can make fun of yourself and people will laugh at you. If you're smart, you'll end up as a comedian. If you're not, you'll end up as a clown.
— Ljupka Cvetanova
It's all life is. Just going 'round kissing people.
— F Scott Fitzgerald
Otis! Will you PLEASE stop killing me!
— Rick Riordan
I enlarge the photo again. Nope, too blurry
— Marie Lu
Ugly truths are the biggest source of indigestion in humans.
— Raheel Farooq
Groupies will give you Chlamydia, Edward.""Right, Virg. Groupies throw underwear on stage. They don't throw flowers. — Andrew Barger
Moving on was going to require leaving the woods and getting a friend set that didn't have gray hairs, hip replacements and a few false teeth.
— Rebecca Brooks
I never intended to become a zombie huntress; I had only intended to protest prom, high school's last bastion of patriarchal society.
— G.G. Silverman
Girls are like Pokemon, it doesn't matter how good you are, you can't catch any if you don't have any balls.
— Auliq Ice
Asia is an entertainment, Europe is a dream, America is an imprisonment and Rest is a nightmare.
— Santosh Kalwar
Climate change is like my head: it's not visible in every instance, but I'm pretty darn sure it's there.
— Kevin Focke
All right, I'll wait another two thousand years to make jokes about my evilness.
— Tui T. Sutherland
I mean emotionally, women are like Bruce Lee and we're like Donald Duck. An' I think a lotta guys are afraid of that.
— Jonathan Ashworth
Course you can't fucking see, buddy, it's darker than a nun's virgin anus down here.
— Charlie Huston
I am Butler. Anything I say sounds scary.
— Eoin Colfer
If you want breakfast in bed, you have to concider sleeping in the kitchen>
— Foster "Raul" Mkhabele
There really isn't much use in getting into a pissing contest since I have to sit down to pee anyway.
— Tammy Blackwell
Thanks to photography, some memories overstay their welcome.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
You just wanted to walk in front of me so I'd have to stare at your butt
— Laurell K. Hamilton
Punctuation was, it is sad to say, invented a very long time ago. Even more frustrating, it has remained with us ever since.
— Anne Elizabeth Moore
Memory is like a box of chocolates. They disappear quickly.
— Leah Broadby
