Funny One Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Funny One
Funny One Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny One quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
I ate one anchovy, and that is why I did not eat two anchovies.
— Mitch Hedberg
You got one guy going boom, one guy going whack, and one guy not getting in the endzone.
— John Madden
Step one, accept she was a damn boss. Step two, hide all the knives, guns, and maybe the pillows, too.
— J.J. McAvoy
The speed of time is one second per second.
— Steven Wright
Remember, in China when you are one in a million, there are 1,300 other people just like you.
— Thomas Friedman
The rewards for being sane may not be very many, but knowing what's funny is one of them.
— Kingsley Amis
Pick this one, she vibrates!
— Erica Larsen
I do not think, Prospero,' he said, 'that one should attribute a very high degree of reality to your house.
— John Bellairs
It's funny how everyone has a bizarre relationship with Google. The knowledge is there, but no one knows how to use it right.
— Jonathan Gold
Any one could write a book," said the taxi driver. " Yes, they could, but they DON'T," said Maeve Binchy
— Maeve Binchy
Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you're the one getting slapped with the stick.
— Carroll Bryant
One should avoid carrying out an experiment requiring more than 10 per cent accuracy.
— Walther Nernst
One should never give up on hope. Unless that's the name of the girl who cheated on you in which case, yeah, give her up.
— Carroll Bryant
On an occasion of this kind it becomes more than a moral duty to speak one's mind. It becomes a pleasure.
— Oscar Wilde
While death is sadly inevitable, our grief will soon pass like a swallowed penny through one's bowels.Painful change just takes time. — Jessica Watts
There are so many other fun ways to dishonor the family name that buying girls' underwear shouldn't be one of them.
— Rin Chupeco
![Funny One Quotes By Robin Sloan: Penumbra [...] produces another e-reader - it's a](https://www.wisefamousquotes.com/images/funny-one-quotes-by-robin-sloan-174273.jpg "Funny One Quotes By Robin Sloan: Penumbra [...] produces another e-reader - it's a")
When I was little, that was one thing that I was told in a vision: I was going to have my own show when I grew up. And it's going to be funny.
— Roseanne Barr
I want to do drama - no one really sees that. People just think I'm the funny guy and I can't do anything else, and that's just not true.
— Mark Indelicato
The people voting for the Oscars are so old. I haven't seen one Academy Award voter with a tampon in her purse.
— Joan Rivers
The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs ... one step at a time.
— Joe Girard
Plus, in one of his e-mails, the guy said he didn't like pancakes. What kind of asshole doesn't like pancakes?
— A. J. Jacobs
When Guante started, they thought he'd be like popcorn, one of the most popular things around.
— Jerry Coleman
You're one funny enchilada,
— M T Anderson
I wish there were jokes in the cat world," Buddy sighed. "Want to try to one? Let's think of a prank we can pull on the boys.
— Gretchen Preston
Two peanuts walk into a rather rough bar, not looking for any trouble. Unfortunately, one was a salted.
— Tommy Cooper
The number one rule of comedy acting is 'don't try to be funny.' Act as seriously as possible.
— Daniel J. Goor
I've never been to a hotel with a rotating restaurant on top, but one time I took my girlfriend to a merry-go-round, and I gave her a burrito.
— Mitch Hedberg
Don't be too funny, guys like funny but they don't want to marry a comedian, right? The guy is supposed to be the funny one.
— Lindsey Kelk
No one cares how long you kept yourself virgin and how loyal you are, everyone is looking for a hole to play with.
— M.F. Moonzajer
Unless each day can be looked back upon by an individual as one in which he has had some fun, some joy, some real satisfaction, that day is a loss.
— Dwight D. Eisenhower
I need one more bass less.
— Eugene Ormandy
Someone once said writing and gardening are similar pursuits. Tell you what, I'd have one fucked up garden if that were the case.
— Carla H. Krueger
A good approach is to allow one dream per novel. Then, in the final revision, go back and get rid of that, too.
— Howard Mittelmark
Zeb was kindergarten teachera good one. I always thought it was because he was the same emotional age as his students. — Molly Harper
If you haven't heard a rumor by noon, make one up. If you're a writer, make sure it's a full page of the book you're currently working on.
— Lamont Tanksley
You have the maturity of a 14-year-old boy!" Kennedy hisses."And you have the chest of one. — Emma Chase
Try to think like a human,' said Gant, lolling in one of the club chairs.'Why should I restrict myself so severely? — Neal Asher
I don't smoke a lot of pot anymore. No one wants to hang around a guy who ends every sentence with, "Do you guys hate me?"
— Mike Birbiglia
The Germans only have one player under 22, and he's 23!
— Kevin Keegan
One good thing about being locked in a cage: No responsibility!
— Kristen Schaal
I've taken my fun where I've found it, An' now I must pay for my fun, For the more you 'ave known o' the others The less will you settle to one.
— Rudyard Kipling
Solving this issue is as easy as turning over one's hand!
— Luo Guanzhong
Comedy is not commercial; it is risky, because what is funny in one place isn't always funny somewhere else.
— Lloyd Kaufman
Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children.
— Bill Hicks
I was a lazy reader as a kid. One nutrition label on a box of Cap'n Crunch and I'd have to take a nap.
— M.J. McGuire
The one thing that disturbs me about Alec is that people don't realize that he's really funny.
— Daniel Baldwin
It's nice being liked for playing the nice guy, but it's also fun to be the funny one.
— Matt McGorry
I'm just not one of those naturally funny, relaxed actors who enjoy the spotlight and are so good at it.
— Heath Ledger
You know, there are just some things you never expect to face even on this job. A flying primate that shoots fire out its nose is one of them.
— Sherrilyn Kenyon
We all have that one friend that walks into your home like its their home
— Thabang Gideon Magaola
I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might say in a retirement home.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
There is only one thing worse than training employees and losing them, and that's not training them and keeping them — Zig Ziglar
Congratulations to each and every one of you for the concert last night in New York and vice versa.
— Eugene Ormandy
There once was an old man of Lyme who married three wives at a time when asked, 'Why a third?' he replied 'One's absurd! and bigamy, sir, is a crime!'
— William Cosmo Monkhouse
I don't consider myself, you know, in real life one of those funny guys. My comedy comes through my work,
— Eugene Levy
It's nice to find people who live on the fringe, finding one another and she's just unrelentingly funny.
— Steve Carell
either. ONE MORE THOUGHT A funny
— Max Lucado
No One Diets on Thanksgiving.
— Erma Bombeck
Musical people always want one to be perfectly dumb at the very moment when one is longing to be perfectly deaf.
— Oscar Wilde
One of the fundamental rights of mankind should be that of wearing as many or as few clothes as one likes inside one's own home.
— Sachin Kundalkar
2 Guys in a health club, one is putting on pantyhose. "Since when do you wear pantyhose?" "Since my wife found it in the glove compartment!"
— Henny Youngman
The equation for ego is: One over Knowledge.
— Albert Einstein
I'm not ashamed of being a bubbly, funny person. I think that's as valid as being the dark, brooding, tortured Oscar-nominated one.
— Cameron Diaz
There are some situations from which one can only escape by acting like a devil or a lunatic.
— George Orwell
Get in my way again, boy, and you're going to learn that Velkan isn't the only one in this family who has fangs. Retta to Viktor
— Sherrilyn Kenyon
You Too? I thought I was the only one.
— C.S. Lewis
Seek Not Every Quality In One Individual.
— Confucius
Nobody wants to give up a weekend-long excuse to dress up and attempt to outshine one another.
— Elizabeth Eulberg
A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road.
— Tommy Cooper
But there was nothing funny about his sword. Jason figured one hit from that thing would probably turn him into a Popsicle. Then
— Rick Riordan
Have you seen the new Polish jigsaw puzzle? One piece.
— Henny Youngman
No one takes you seriously when you're naked.
— Kevin Hearne
The man who tries to be funny is lost. To lose one's naturalness is always to lose the sympathy of your audience.
— Harold Lloyd
No one wants to get their ass beat to a soundtrack.
— Dave Chappelle
Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject.
— Shelby Metcalf
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.No one's immune to bribery. — Joanne Harris
No one broke his finger and got away with it.
— Sarah Masters
If one official signals Falcons ball and Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson signals Seahawks ball, is it a jump ball?
— Norman Chad
... where there's one there's ten.'That's crazy math. — Emma Donoghue
