Funny Not Married Quotes
Collection of top 40 famous quotes about Funny Not Married
Funny Not Married Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Not Married quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
— Henny Youngman
Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?
— Steven Wright
I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.
— Elayne Boosler
I was married once before, and I stopped.
— Marc Maron
Oh the wonders of being married. Put a gun in one hand and a woman in the other, I'm never sure who's going to kill me first.
— Michael W. Grimard
Lust is the sin that gets me excited. Luckily, because I'm married, I also get really good jewelry out of it.
— Heather Locklear
Marriage works best for men than women. The two happiest groups are married men and unmarried women.
— Gloria Steinem
Then there was a man who said, 'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; by then it was too late'
— Oscar Wilde
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.'
— Robin Williams
For the sake of your marriage, get a king-size bed. And if you really want to stay married, get two.
— Ray Romano
I'm going to get married again because I'm more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.
— Wendy Liebman
I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.
— Lewis Grizzard
Opposities are married.
— Ljupka Cvetanova
I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along.
— Groucho Marx
Tomorrow, Trubshawe, I am going to get married again, thereby quite possibly making the greatest mistake of my life.
— David Niven
Also, in a funny way, if you have been happily married there are no unresolved areas, nothing to prove to yourself after the other dies.
— Nigella Lawson
Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned it into a series.
— Bob Hope
There once was an old man of Lyme who married three wives at a time when asked, 'Why a third?' he replied 'One's absurd! and bigamy, sir, is a crime!'
— William Cosmo Monkhouse
Sex when you're married is like going to the 7-Eleven: There's not much variety, but at three in the morning, it's always there.
— Carol Leifer
'Married with Children' was racy. It was sexist. It was a lot of things, but mostly it was funny.
— Katey Sagal
When we married, you measured 36-24-36. Now you're 42-42-42. There's more of you, but you are not worth as much.
— Joel Barnett, Baron Barnett
Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.
— Minnie Pearl
No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
— Freddie Mercury
It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.
— Robert Frost
I've done a lot of Fox shows since then - Married with Children, Living Single and a whole bunch of other Fox things.
— Gilbert Gottfried
I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
— Henny Youngman
