Funny Never Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Funny Never

Funny Never Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Never quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

It is funny you know, you spend 12 years of your life learning about things and about life, but they never really tell you how hard life really is. — Amanda Peterson

Funny that. We live in islands of Hours and we never seem to have time enough for anything ... — Clive Barker

The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. — Jackie Collins

Rina's always claimed that I expect too little from life," Standard said.
"Then at least you'll never be disappointed. — James Sallis

It's funny. Of all the jobs I've been ambitious for, this is one that never crossed my mind. — Edmund S. Muskie

Funny how you never forget the girls from school, huh? — Dave Franklin

I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, "My dad can beat up your dad." I'd say Yeah? When? — Bill Hicks

The police never find it as funny as you do.-T-Shirt — Darynda Jones

I never intended to make a living from music. That's the funny thing. I wanted to be a journalist. — Pete Seeger

One should never give up on hope. Unless that's the name of the girl who cheated on you in which case, yeah, give her up. — Carroll Bryant

There are two things you never turn down: sex and appearing on television. — Gore Vidal

The funny thing about television is that once you start to do it you never get time to watch it. — Kevin Sorbo

We're like the couple on the sitcom that has good sparks but never get together for the sake of ratings. — Aimee Bender

Um, I'm just naturally super-funny. No, not really. I've never been in The Groundlings or anything. — Ryan Hansen

The funny thing for me is, I have never lived in a network world. — Matt Nix

Wait a second," Clary said.
"I never understand why people say that," Luke said, to no one in particular. "I wasn't going anywhere. — Cassandra Clare

The police never think it's as funny as you do. — Erin Nicholas

I have always tried to use humor to "help ever" and "hurt never," for I find that to laugh is like swallowing a secret that Santa Claus farted. — David Cross

My shoulder will never be the same. I expect you to nurse me back to health. — Cassandra Clare

Funny thing about prayers. God hears them. But you just never know if, when, or how He's going to answer them. — Becky Wade

Never join with your friend when he abuses his horse or his wife, unless the one is about to be sold, the other to be buried. — Charles Caleb Colton

Men never know how tired they are till their wives sit them down for a nice long talk. — Mignon McLaughlin

Now, my intention was to drink just enough to dull the senses, but intentions should never be mixed with alcohol. — Kirt J. Boyd

Pickup lines never work ... I think someone clever, witty and funny is very attractive. — Kate Upton

I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do. — Will Rogers

Funny thing about life is that it never turns out the way you want it to. — S.L. Jennings

I'm never growing up, I'll just sit in the corner of time and sip my juice box petulantly and judge your terrible Hamlet adaptations. — Rhiannon McGavin

It's funny, growing up there was never anybody around me with any kind of artistic bent. — Nick Offerman

If someone ever asks you to do something for them, do it really bad so you never have to do it again. — Paris Hilton

I never intended to become a zombie huntress; I had only intended to protest prom, high school's last bastion of patriarchal society. — G.G. Silverman

But its not funny. Not to people who've been told they're losers their whole lives and believe they will never be anything else. — Julie Anne Peters

I never learned anything from a match that I won. — Bobby Jones

'Come out' is so funny to me because I've never been in. — Adam Lambert

Being broke is a joke, I never found it funny / That's why I count my blessings / As much as I count my money ... — Fabolous

Remind me," he paused, drawing in a stuttered gasp, "to never piss you off again. Christ, are you secretly a ninja? — Jennifer L. Armentrout

It's funny, I never think I'm doing that well. I've never, ever. I just constantly think, 'This isn't working out.' — Dominic Cooper

A little vanilla never hurt anybody." He nipped her ankle. "Great shoes by the way. Sexy as hell. — Hanna Lui

He looks funny in a suit jacket, like a bear dressed up in costume for the circus. I would never tell him that, though. — Lauren Oliver

It's funny - in elementary school, I went by Amber. I never liked Tiffani. — Tiffani Thiessen

Cheech and I used to call ourselves musicians; we never called ourselves comedians. We were musicians that were funny. — Tommy Chong

When would he learn that women never stayed where you put them? — Maya Banks

Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew's Birthday. — Andy Borowitz

I never thought that someday men will also use an iPAD. — Santosh Kalwar

Your wit never ceases to underwhelm me. — A&E Kirk

I've never walked home wearing just a pink robe and a pair of slippers. — Jessica Sorensen

Jason Statham is funny, I never knew that. — Melissa McCarthy

But that's why you pay for insurance, right? If you never file a claim, then they've beaten you. — Jonathan Tropper

You know, there are just some things you never expect to face even on this job. A flying primate that shoots fire out its nose is one of them. — Sherrilyn Kenyon

I've never laughed a woman into bed, but I've laughed one out of bed many times. — Jack Whitehall

If you open that Pandora's Box you never know what Trojan 'orses will jump out. — Ernest Bevin

Life is funny...we never know what's in store for us and time brings on what is meant to be. — April Mae Monterrosa

I like liquor - its taste and its effects - and that is just the reason why I never drink it. — Stonewall Jackson

Raphael met Michaela's gaze. "If you could kill every single beautiful woman in the world, would you?"
Her smile never faded. "In an instant. — Nalini Singh

Funny, I never shopped. Even my jewelry not a piece of my jewelry I bought for me. — Imelda Marcos

I don't give sick days if you're playing in the snow." He's being funny, or trying to be funny. I can never tell which. — Zoe Cruz

It's never happened in the World Series competition, and it still hasn't. — Yogi Berra

You'll never call him Fifi again. — Lynda Barry

I have never pretended to be any kind of super-religious kind of man, but I feel very strongly that you can be funny without being dirty. — Jonathan Winters

Normally, she would never wish a head injury on anyone, but it might make her days in Archival Studies a bit easier. — Jaleigh Johnson

My wife is so funny and talented and never lets anybody fail next to her. — Mark Consuelos

My computer made a funny sound the other day. Of course, I've never heard it get thrown out a window before. — Various

Whenever I call a company and get put on hold, I never really feel like I'm being held. — Randy Glasbergen

The funny thing is I'm not bothered or sad about being on my own - after all I've never had a husband. — Francesca Annis

I could pull off a 'man', but never, quite, a 'dude'. — Adrian Barnes

The funny thing is, I was never much of a fighter. Better a live coward than a dead hero, that was my motto. — Ozzy Osbourne

Funny thing about true happiness, though. You never know it's inside you until someone pulls it out. — Meghan Quinn

Had your forefathers, Wigglesworth, been as stupid as you are, the human race would never have succeeded in procreating itself. — Alan Bennett

There's a lot of very funny people I'd love to work with that I've never met, of course. I love Steve Martin and Jim Carrey. — Dick Van Dyke

It is funny how you do not miss affection until it is given, but once it is, it can never be enough; you would drown in it if possible. — Libba Bray

I want to make a memorial for our turkey. Never has a bird been so tortured to provide such a lousy dinner. — Laurie Halse Anderson

I never arrive unannounced without something big and juicy in hand.
- Simon Hunt — Dannika Dark

What are those bulb things you're slicing?"
"You've never seen fennel? It looks like celery and tastes like licorice. — Ken Jennings

I've never been bothered with my conduct. I've only been bothered by people that don't get it correct when they gossip about me. — Shannon L. Alder

Teasing is veiled hostility and is almost never funny, unless the teasee has openly agreed to relate that way. — Sue Patton Thoele

It's funny what happens when you become a grandparent. You start to act all goofy and do things you never thought you'd do. It's terrific. — Mike Krzyzewski

I never say a funny thing intentionally. — Jayne Meadows

You must never imagine, that just because something is funny, it is not also dangerous. — Neil Gaiman

Mom, how come you never go outside?"
"I told you, I'm a vampire. — Alison Bechdel

It's funny; Luther and I have written many songs together, but we've never written songs in the same room. — Richard Marx

Coe has smashed the world record, 1:44.92 seconds has never been run easier — Ron Pickering

I'm just an entertainer. All I want to be is funny. I never aspired to play Hamlet. — Danny Kaye

I never like to be the same, whether it be comedy or drama, funny or serious. — Faith Prince

Don't be too nice to him," I teased. "He'll never leave. — Juliet Blackwell

It's funny how you can know a person, think of him as your closest friend, and still never gain access to the secret chambers in his heart. — Jennifer Finney Boylan

Never miss a party ... good for the nerves
like celery. — F Scott Fitzgerald

You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name
and you've never been to that bar before. — Zach Galifianakis

He said it twice because he had never said it before, and it sounded funny. — A.A. Milne

When you argue with someone, you always argue at the level of the person with the lowest level of intelligence. You never argue up. — Spuds Crawford

The guy behind the counter scratches his neck. "Are you being serious?" Her face is stoic. "Absolutely. I never kid about teddy bears. — Jessica Sorensen

I never knew what an engineer did for a living when I was a kid. I still don't. — Scott Adams

I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back. — Zsa Zsa Gabor

Learn, as if never overtaking your object, and yet as if apprehensive of losing it. — Confucius

To me, I've never understood why there is any question about are women as funny as men. — Judd Apatow

She never called her son by any name but John; 'love' and 'dear', and such like terms, were reserved for Fanny. — Elizabeth Gaskell

I have never wanted to punch a highway in the face as badly as I do right now. — Seanan McGuire

I was never pretty, never really popular. I was lanky and funny looking. — Tanya Roberts

That's right, you get him, Mary. Don't let him change the subject! — Alexandra Bracken

You win, you dirty evil butt-munch. I'll never not let you stay over again. Now let's go back to bed. — Ethan Day

One of the many downsides to being a drug addict is never really knowing if the stuff is real. — Rebecca McNutt

I'm not funny. Never have been and, as far as I can tell, I never will be. — David Dobkin