Funny Men Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Funny Men
Funny Men Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Men quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
Apparently officers are not 'men'. Officers are 'officers'.
— Aditi Mathur Kumar
A Polish man in a helicopter. Goes up to 800 feet. Down it comes! What happened? "It got chilly up there, so I turned off the fan!"
— Henny Youngman
I know a guy who had his doctor say, "Take some weight off, go to a health club." The man lost 20 pounds in one week! The machine tore his leg off!
— Henny Youngman
Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.
— Rita Rudner
Every man plays the fool once in his live, but to marry is playing the fool all one's life long.
— William Congreve
Old man with an old phone. That's never not funny.
— Adam McKay
Never trust a man who combs his hair straight from his left armpit.
— Alice Roosevelt Longworth
Men were good for one thing only. Killing spiders. Other than that, I was on my own. It was sad though. Where was the chivalry of yesteryear?
— Kate Carlisle
The small amount of foolery wise men have makes a great show.
— William Shakespeare
There's no way that you're real, she murmured to his crotch.
— Rose Wynters
During the Great Depression, when people laughed their worries disappeared. Audiences loved these funny men. I decided to become one.
— Jerry Stiller
1st Valentine's Day: 200,000 BC men and women congregate on opposite sides of Pangaea, waiting for someone to make the first move.
— Kristen Schaal
We men had a meeting a long time ago, and we all decided, 'It's trousers'. And that's what we've worn ever since.
— Lisa Kleypas
All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals.
— Rita Rudner
Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
— Rita Rudner
I don't see the point of watching men exercise.
— Natasha Leggero
I judge how much a man cares for a woman by the space he allots her under a jointly shared umbrella.
— Jimmy Cannon
The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts.
— Conan O'Brien
Now as through this world I ramble, I see lots of funny men, Some rob you with a six gun, And some with a fountain pen.
— Woody Guthrie
Men never know how tired they are till their wives sit them down for a nice long talk.
— Mignon McLaughlin
Every man should marry - and no woman
— Benjamin Disraeli
A football team is like a piano. You need eight men to carry it and three who can play the damn thing.
— Bill Shankly
Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.
— Rita Rudner
I Don't care which president is sucking your dick at the moment, I will not be a party to the killing of innocent men!
— Brandice Snowden Demon's Veil
To live as one likes is plebian the noble man aspires to order and law.
— Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
You see, dear, it is not true that woman was made from man's rib; she was made from his funny bone.
— James M. Barrie
A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?" "No" says the cop. "What about all these other cars?" "They didn't ask!"
— Henny Youngman
Convoy? Michael, you're hanging around with a man who uses a collective term for a single vehicle.
— Steve Coogan
Hoover, if elected, will do one thing that is almost incomprehensible to the human mind: he will make a great man out of Coolidge.
— Clarence Darrow
I like the idea of being the funny guy in the dramatic thing, playing a hit man with a weird sense of humor.
— Anthony Jeselnik
I am two lesbians in a man's body.
— Eddie Izzard
You look like a horse in a man costume
— Dylan Moran
Say, Cuttino. What are those Godawful clothes you're wearing? Man, this ain't Rhode Island anymore. You're in the NBA. The girls have teeth here.
— Charles Barkley
Sites like Funny or Die and College Humor are great, but I'd say it's appealing to 80% men and 20% women.
— Zooey Deschanel
And there's the man in the green flag!
— Murray Walker
I went to a cigar store, the man behind the counter asked me, "What kind of cigars do you like?" I answered, "It's a Boys."
— Mitch Hedberg
Recent surveys show 3 out of 10 men have a problem with premature ejaculation. The rest just didn't really think it was a problem!
— Frankie Boyle
I swear by the self-assurance with which elderly men sitting in public tilt sideways to allow the gas to escape loudly.
— Pawan Mishra
A casino in South Dakota was robbed by a man dressed as a mummy. The police described the suspect as anywhere between 25 and 8,000 years old.
— Craig Ferguson
Blessed is the man who has found someone to do his work.
— Elbert Hubbard
Guide dogs for the blind. It's cruel really, isn't it? Getting a dog to lead a man round all day. Not fair on either of them.
— Steve Coogan
The man who tries to be funny is lost. To lose one's naturalness is always to lose the sympathy of your audience.
— Harold Lloyd
I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait til it gets warmer."
— Rodney Dangerfield
That's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men
— Bill Engvall
Life is a crowded superhighway with bewildering cloverleaf exits on which a man is liable to find himself speeding back in the direction he came.
— Peter De Vries
In a blackout, a Polish man was stuck on an escalator for two hours. I asked him, "Why didn't you walk down?" He said, "because I was going up!"
— Henny Youngman
He is not an ideal husband. I am his wife.
— Ljupka Cvetanova
Money is what makes a man act funny.
— Eminem
To me, I've never understood why there is any question about are women as funny as men.
— Judd Apatow
The farewell between Hitler and Mussolini at the station was very affectionate. Both men were moved.
— Galeazzo Ciano
Many a man was caused to perish by something that he and many men cherish.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
I went to the store and bought eight apples; the clerk said, "Do you want these in a bag?" I said, "Oh, no, man, I juggle."
— Mitch Hedberg
This man dresses like an unmade bed.
— Henny Youngman
Men only go for skinny women because they're too weak to argue - and salads are cheap.
— Frank Carson
The thing I don't get about paedophilia ... Why the hell do kids find old men in dirty raincoats so sexy?
— Frankie Boyle
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
— George W. Bush
If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.
— Daniel Tosh
The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.
— Frank Carson
A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living."
— Henny Youngman
Satisfaction is not the achievement of what we want, but the awareness of what we have.
— Abhysheq Shukla
All men are equal before fish.
— Herbert Hoover
To the man on crutches, dressed in camouflage, who stole my wallet ... you can hide but you can't run.
— Milton Jones
A man who views the world the same ...
— Muhammad Ali
Like funny men, skilled diners are apparently perceived to have an evolutionary advantage.
— Dana Goodyear
The manlier you are, the harder it is to understand what a woman wants: there is not a hint of female brain in you.
— Criss Jami
I never thought that someday men will also use an iPAD.
— Santosh Kalwar
A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he gets gold in exchange!
— Charles Dickens
Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man".
— Russell Beland
Four young men in motorcycle jackets... set upon the man in khaki shorts and beat him unconscious with his own sandwich board.
— Stephen King
Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald".
— Rita Rudner
They call me the confuser. Is he a man ... is he a woman? Ooh, I'm not sure if I mind.
— Noel Fielding
I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back.
— Zsa Zsa Gabor
![Funny Men Quotes By Lake Bell: I wrote an entire movie [Man up] about](https://www.wisefamousquotes.com/images/funny-men-quotes-by-lake-bell-327486.jpg "Funny Men Quotes By Lake Bell: I wrote an entire movie [Man up] about")
I wrote an entire movie [Man up] about how important I think voices are, so it was funny.
— Lake Bell
This is a young man who is only 25, and you have to say, her has answered every question that has ever been asked.
— David Coleman
I don't have a type looks-wise, but all my exes have been funny, open-minded and ambitious. I can't stand men with no passion in life.
— Kathryn Prescott
There once was an old man of Lyme who married three wives at a time when asked, 'Why a third?' he replied 'One's absurd! and bigamy, sir, is a crime!'
— William Cosmo Monkhouse
Men weigh love with hands.
— Ljupka Cvetanova
