Funny Man Up Quotes: top 54 famous quotes about Funny Man Up

Funny Man Up Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Man Up quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

A Polish man in a helicopter. Goes up to 800 feet. Down it comes! What happened? "It got chilly up there, so I turned off the fan!" — Henny Youngman

I know a guy who had his doctor say, "Take some weight off, go to a health club." The man lost 20 pounds in one week! The machine tore his leg off! — Henny Youngman

Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily. — Rita Rudner

Serenity of spirit and turbulence of action should make up the sum of a man's life. — Vita Sackville-West

Fuck it ... That's really the attitude that keeps a family together, it's not "we love each other", it's just "fuck it, man. — Louis C.K.

A man should be taller, older, heavier, uglier, and hoarser than his wife. — E.W. Howe

The dog is a yes-animal. Very popular with people who can't afford a yes man. — Robertson Davies

Alright, manly man," he says. "Go prove that you're a man. — Jessica Sorensen

A company is known by the people it keeps. — Will Rogers

Give a man free hands, and you'll know where to find them. — Mae West

Life's funny. Sometimes it's your oyster, and sometimes you're it's bitch-slapped man-whore. — Lois Greiman

Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. — Mark Twain

A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!" — Henny Youngman

I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads. — Henny Youngman

There once was an old man of Lyme who married three wives at a time when asked, 'Why a third?' he replied 'One's absurd! and bigamy, sir, is a crime!' — William Cosmo Monkhouse

My baby is weird man ... when he get mad, he gets in the oven. — Kevin Hart

I picked up a transsexual hooker named Thor, all six feet of her, at the off ramp to Eau Claire, Wisconsin, as I was driving up north to kill a man. — J.A. Konrath

There have been man-on-the-street interviews for years, but insulting people is not that funny to me. — Billy Eichner

A man up in front of a judge says "I don't recognise this court." "Why not?" "It's been redecorated since the last time I was here." — Frank Carson

It's funny, because I'm a man of strong opinions and when I make one, I stand by it even if it starts to appear incorrect to me after a while. — Danny Bonaduce

A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up. — Henny Youngman

This is a young man who is only 25, and you have to say, her has answered every question that has ever been asked. — David Coleman

I wrote an entire movie [Man up] about how important I think voices are, so it was funny. — Lake Bell

I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back. — Zsa Zsa Gabor

Many a man was caused to perish by something that he and many men cherish. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Y are you called the cheese man? — Barbara Park

A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?" "No" says the cop. "What about all these other cars?" "They didn't ask!" — Henny Youngman

"And then we played Ping-Pong - "
"Not pool? I always assumed he was a billiards man - I mean, it's so handy the way he keeps a stick up his - — Claire LaZebnik

In a blackout, a Polish man was stuck on an escalator for two hours. I asked him, "Why didn't you walk down?" He said, "because I was going up!" — Henny Youngman

No man is the boss of his own house, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead. — W.C. Fields

Nevertheless, he was already a sick man. He had gotten more than gas at Bill Hapscomb's Texaco. And he gave Harry Trent more than a speeding summons. — Stephen King

A man says to his mate: "My wife is a twin." His mate says, "How do you tell them apart?" The man says: "Her brother has a beard." — Frank Carson

A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he gets gold in exchange! — Charles Dickens

A man who views the world the same ... — Muhammad Ali

Chris Rock is a very funny man. — Willie Geist

To the man on crutches, dressed in camouflage, who stole my wallet ... you can hide but you can't run. — Milton Jones

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself. — Tommy Cooper

He took his misfortune like a man - he blamed it on his wife. — Bob Phillips

A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. — G. Gordon Liddy

I could pull off a 'man', but never, quite, a 'dude'. — Adrian Barnes

A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living." — Henny Youngman

The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid. — Frank Carson

My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at? — Margaret Smith

If no meant no then every man would die a virgin. — Daniel Tosh

He is not an ideal husband. I am his wife. — Ljupka Cvetanova

You want me to be a man,older than you, who goes by the name of Roullard. — Wendelin Van Draanen

In a man, I like funny guys. A guy who doesn't have a lot of therapy, who's mature. A man, not a boy. — Maura Tierney

This man dresses like an unmade bed. — Henny Youngman

I beg your pardon; I am drunk without a drink. English wine & words are vulnerable to every man. — Santosh Kalwar

You can always tell when a man's well informed. His views are pretty much like your own. — H. Jackson Brown Jr.

I went to the store and bought eight apples; the clerk said, "Do you want these in a bag?" I said, "Oh, no, man, I juggle." — Mitch Hedberg

Most man can think no better than a child! This fact perfectly explains why there are so many funny beliefs! — Mehmet Murat Ildan

Terribly sad news about Stuart Cable, such a lovely, warm, funny, talented man. — Rob Brydon

Money is what makes a man act funny. — Eminem