Funny Joke Quotes: top 86 famous quotes about Funny Joke

Funny Joke Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Joke quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Knock knock! Who's — LOL Funny Joke Club

Which weakness shall I tell her? "I walk funny," I say, and she's satisfied with that. (inside joke) — Mary E. Pearson

I have a roommate, and I signed a year lease. I screwed up! That's like I wrote a joke that didn't work, but now I have to tell it for a year. — Mitch Hedberg

Life is funny, baby, and that's no joke — Rachel Cohn

We are sometimes hurt mostly or only not by what happened or is happening to us but by being felt sorry for. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Always warm up the audience with a joke ... If you are not a particularly funny person, make sure that you inform them that it's a joke ... — Jacob M. Appel

I'm probably the guy who keeps it loose around the room and tries to joke around with guys before the game, keeping things funny. — Patrick Kane

Shocked to see me?" I drawl at them, chuckling at the horrific joke. — Victoria Aveyard

It was a running joke; everyone was aware of how ridiculous the rumor mill was, and yet they all shamelessly participated in it. — Jamie McGuire

Fuck it ... That's really the attitude that keeps a family together, it's not "we love each other", it's just "fuck it, man. — Louis C.K.

It started out as kind of a joke, and then it wasn't funny anymore because money became involved. Deep down, nothing about money is funny. — Charles Willeford

Even if it's a really funny joke, don't laugh if the devil's the one telling it! — Sean Patrick Brennan

One should avoid carrying out an experiment requiring more than 10 per cent accuracy. — Walther Nernst

Same thing, like my commercials are often times really funny because I tend to find 30 seconds is a really good amount of time to tell a joke. — Alex Winter

If you have a problem with me, it is OK, because Mullah Omar does too. — M.F. Moonzajer

C: What do you get when a giant sneezes?
Out of the way. - Marigold — Jean Ferris

I have a really analytical approach to art. And the whole idea that you can't analyze what makes a joke funny ... I do not agree with that at all. — David Rees

Kissing's a lot like laughing. If the joke's funny, it doesn't matter how long it's been since you last heard one. — Maggie Stiefvater

More you know, better advice you give. Less you know, more advice you give. — Gerry Geek

You can't just explain a joke. Either it isn't funny, or the person just totally missed the punchline. — Cass McCombs

The simile has to match the tone of its surroundings and has to be like a little joke. Writing a simile that isn't funny on some level is quite hard. — Ned Beauman

The worst thing ever that you have to explain your joke because I was very disappointed trying to explain why the joke is funny for the interrogator. — Bassem Youssef

We often hear that mathematics consists mainly of 'proving theorems.' Is a writer's job mainly that of 'writing sentences? — Gian-Carlo Rota

I joke around a lot about the manic times because they're funny. We manics do outrageous things and it is part of our colorful nature. — Patty Duke

He who laughs last didn't get the joke. — Charles De Gaulle

A joke is a way to say, 'I'm going to do something funny now. If I don't get a laugh at the end, I'm a failure.' — Penn Jillette

I Take Life Very Seriously: One Joke At A Time. — Sandra Chami Kassis

I glared at him. "I wish you'd stay out of my room."
"That's a funny joke, princess, when you're talking to a thief. — Heidi Heilig

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The barman looks at them and says: "Is this some kind of a joke?" — Frank Carson

I am a pacifist, but be aware that I also carry a gun. — M.F. Moonzajer

I have a lot of funny friends, and we joke a lot, but I've never really played comedic parts. — Joel Kinnaman

I ought to be jealous of the tower. She is more famous than I am. — Gustave Eiffel

He who laughs last ... just didn't get the joke. — Carroll Bryant

If a playwright is funny, the English look for a serious message, and if he's serious, they look for a joke. — Sacha Guitry

It was almost funny. Life seemed downright accidental in its brevity, and death a punch line to a lousy joke. — Maureen Johnson

Four different kinds of Tater Tots?" I felt overwhelmed by culinary confusion. "Why would anyone need so many? Chili. Sweet potato. Blue? — Rick Riordan

John-Paul?" TWO If this is a joke," said Tess, "it's not funny. — Liane Moriarty

Dessert was an over baked chocolate chip cookies the size of a hockey puck and just about as tasty. — Carl Hiaasen

Please ejaculate", I silently urged the man, "so I can go to sleep". (In this way I imagine I was like millions of women before me — Jon Ronson

Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny! — Mitch Hedberg

That awkward moment when you realize someone was actually home the whole time you were singing on the tops of your lungs. — Kasey Collin P. Dumdum

I was not born with English in my pocket. — Santosh Kalwar

Well, enough of this introspection. It's depressing, quite frankly. — Sol Luckman

What I would do in order to be popular was, I'd put myself on line and joke around and be funny, and I was always known as the crazy kid. — Leonardo DiCaprio

I'm about being funny. If I can make a joke using profanity, I will. But for the most part, that can get awfully old and boring. — Howard Stern

Anyone else find it funny that Bernie Madoff's last name is a homophone of 'made-off'? — David C. Holley

Treat me like a joke, watch me leave you like its funny — Auliq Ice

Neither of them had kissed someone else in a while, but it didn't much matter. Kissing's a lot like laughing. If the joke's funny, it doesn't matter — Maggie Stiefvater

It is easy to launch a project if you have no clue about the cost and schedule. — Gerry Geek

If I'll be funnier than this, I'll become a joke. — Chandan Sharma

My favorite people are the ones that can make any unfunny joke hilarious by just laughing. — Ziad K. Abdelnour

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him. — Oscar Wilde

Mama is funny. She has a great sense of humor and loves a good joke. Loves a practical joke, too. — Reba McEntire

But that's why you pay for insurance, right? If you never file a claim, then they've beaten you. — Jonathan Tropper

What do you call a rifle with three barrels?
A trifle. — Joseph Rosenbloom

Unbeknown to us, some of the people who we hope are missing us wherever they are do miss us; some miss someone else; and some are dead. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Because friendship is about laughing when the other person is joking to make you feel better. Even if you don't find her joke all that funny. — Padma Venkatraman

You can't draw lines in the sand like that. Humour's a tsunami that doesn't care about your little lines. — S.A. Tawks

Being broke is a joke, I never found it funny / That's why I count my blessings / As much as I count my money ... — Fabolous

Asia is an entertainment, Europe is a dream, America is an imprisonment and Rest is a nightmare. — Santosh Kalwar

Life sometimes confuses us by making us discover in someone we hate a quality or qualities we love. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I've always wanted to have a suitcase handcuffed to my wrist. That's not a full joke there! It's filler. — Mitch Hedberg

If you work at comedy too laboriously, you can kill what's funny in the joke. — Richard Russo

Many a man was caused to perish by something that he and many men cherish. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Not every single way of saying the right thing is right. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Oh you rebel you! — Mallory Hopkins

Snake pulled out the digital camera and decided to play a joke on Otacon. He snapped a picture of the pinup, muttered, "Good," and closed the door. — Raymond Benson

I love practical jokes and humor. That there's frankly no joke that I don't think is funny. I love practical jokes, but I don't like being scared. — Mitt Romney

Pity, I've learned, is like a fart. You can tolerate your own, but you simply can't stand anyone else's. — Jonathan Tropper

Life is a mighty joke that is not meant to be funny. — Janvier Chouteu-Chando

Nothing broke my heart like the slow death of a shared joke that had once seemed genuinely funny. — Curtis Sittenfeld

Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away. — Demetri Martin

It's harder when people are playing along, because it's just not as funny. They're trying to be funny, and it sort of cancels out the whole joke. — Steve Carell

I think sometimes in comedy the characters are often sacrificed for the joke, and it's more important for it to be funny than for there to be love. — Jenny Slate

Not everyone who condemns masturbation can masturbate. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

For a comedian to kind of catch onto something right as something's catching on in our culture, a lot of it is luck, and you hope the joke is funny. — Jim Gaffigan

The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense. — Lex Martin

Writing a book has about it some of the anxiety of telling a joke and having to wait several years to know whether or not it was funny. — Alain De Botton

A rich man's joke is always funny. — Thomas Edward Brown

I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards. — Mitch Hedberg

Life is a joke, even though it is not always funny. — Stephan Attia

Being funny is one of my greatest strengths. I can make girls smile when they're down, and when they're having a good time, I can carry on the joke. — John Krasinski

I just got tired of the wetness sticking to me, that's all. I think I was pretty safe from the threat of your joke being funny. — Susan Ee

John Locke invented common sense, and only Englishmen have had it ever since! — Bertrand Russell

British politics, as the world knows, is a joke. Yet it's rarely funny. — Morrissey

Look at you making a joke! You're funny. No wonder Carmine fell in love with you. — J.M. Darhower