Funny I ' M Back Quotes

We all flinched as Ray flipped the breaker back on, but my laboratory again failed to erupt in flames. It must be a mad scientist record. — Richard Roberts

I want to get back and figure out how we're going to make 'The Tonight Show' funny and good. — Andy Richter

I pull out my e-reader and get back to my fictional boyfriend. Lord knows he won't cheat on me. — M.D. Saperstein

I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back. — Steven Wright

'Come back here, I'm a police officer!' and I shouted back 'No you're not! You're a monster!' — Russell Howard

Television has brought back murder into the home - where it belongs. — Alfred Hitchcock

As the plane lands in Glasgow airport, passengers are reminded to set their watch back, 25 years. — Frankie Boyle

Megan looked into Agnes's frightened face. Agnes had been so sharp just a few years back - funny and cutting and wonderfully ribald. — Harlan Coben

I recently bought the box set of 'Doctor Who' and watched it back to back, Unfortunately I wasn't the one facing the TV! — Milton Jones

That is a fart without wind ... in reference to when you can't back up what you say. very funny. — Faye Kellerman

I was a drummer in the bugle band in cadets. I marched. It's probably quite funny to look back on it. — Gordon Lightfoot

My shoulder will never be the same. I expect you to nurse me back to health. — Cassandra Clare

Thanks for coming, Zach told him. He slapped Jonas on the back. And I felt like I'd fallen into an alternate universe. One where Zach had ... friends. — Ally Carter

Do you know what happens when you play a country song backwards? You get your wife back, your dog back and your job back. — Richard Belzer

She's laughing at me. "What's funny, Gidget?" "You love me." I laugh back. "I do, and I'm going to show you just how much every chance I get. — J.A. Huss

That's great, tell him he's Pele and get him back on. — John Lambie

He started to look back, but he knew better. That fool always got eaten in the movies. And Nick didn't want to be on anyone's menu. — Sherrilyn Kenyon

I squinted at her. "You're an adult." "You're an adult too." "But you're an older adult. You've had more practice." Mom leaned back and laughed. — Ilona Andrews

When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back — Rodney Dangerfield

I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back. — Zsa Zsa Gabor

When you're out in the wilderness and get back to base camp only to discover sleeping bag turndown service ... .that's no chocolate on the pillow — Josh Stern

Ya back home they call me the tie-dye shirt kid, well that and fagot. — Bo Burnham

Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?" — Jimmy Carr

I bowl so slowly that if I don't like a ball I can run after it and bring it back — James M. Barrie

You're only as sick as your secrets. Either it comes out their way or my way. I talk about myself behind my back. And I'm funny about it. — Carrie Fisher

Back in my State, I'm very close to being able to control the weather. I'll be all-powerful, once I've figured that out. — Brandon Sanderson

I'm 47, my girlfriend's 33; she's 14 years younger than me, back of the net! — Steve Coogan

I'm pretty sure my stomach has a sliver in it from rubbing up against my backbone, so back off, bitch. — H.J. Bellus

Champagne's funny stuff. I'm used to whiskey. Whiskey is a slap on the back, and champagne's a heavy mist before my eyes. — James Stewart

Yes, I'm back," he said, "And look who I ran into."
Horace grinned at him. "i hope you ran into him hard."
"As hard as I could. — John Flanagan

When I was 12, I snapped my arm in two. My wrist still has a funny bump because they didn't join it back together so great. — Jessica De Gouw

If people are talking behind your back, then just fart. — Thabang Gideon Magaola

Hollywood called me, asking me, "How much to do a movie with Farrah Fawcett?" "$50,000" They called back, "How about $20,000?" I said, "I'll pay it!" — Henny Youngman

It's funny how beauty rides the back of pain . — Patricia Harman

You might want to put this in the back of your craw and think about it. — Jerry Coleman

If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there — Will Rogers

Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th. — David Letterman

At the very leadt, we can grab Monica and hustle her skanky ass back to her dad wile you brave, strong menfolk hold off the bad guys. Right? — Rachel Caine

Funny thing about glass. When you broke the shit up, it got pissed and bit back. — J.R. Ward

I feel no grief for being called something
which
I am not;
in fact, it's enthralling, somehow, like a good
back rub — Charles Bukowski

Go back to your bingo hall. — Jerry Lawler

Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got? — Bill Maher

Now go back to Supercuts and get your $5 back jabroni! — Dwayne Johnson

You win, you dirty evil butt-munch. I'll never not let you stay over again. Now let's go back to bed. — Ethan Day

Aspirin will not bring dead hookers back to life. — Dave Attell

Funny thing how when you reach out, people tend to reach right back. Best, then, to make sure your hand is open and not fisted. — Richelle E. Goodrich

The big advantage of a book is that it's very easy to rewind. Close it and you're right back at the beginning. — Jerry Seinfeld

Never miss a party ... good for the nerves
like celery. — F Scott Fitzgerald

If I'm not back in 5 minutes, just wait longer. — Jim Carrey

Back from where? you're not going out again and leaving me here are you?? Holy Hercules I sound like somebody's wife — Ruth Downie

You think you're funny! You think you're funny Cena, huh? The only pose you're going to be doing tonight is lying on your back with me on top! — Randy Orton

People are funny. They want the front of the bus, the middle of the road and the back of the church. - Mrs. Miracle — Debbie Macomber