Funny He Who Quotes: top 57 famous quotes about Funny He Who

Funny He Who Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny He Who quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody. — Rodney Dangerfield

There was an edge to his expression, like he didn't trust anyone who was more attractive than he was. — Marissa Meyer

A man always blames the woman who fools him. In the same way he blames the door he walks into in the dark. — H.L. Mencken

A skeptic is a person who, when he sees the handwriting on the wall, claims it is a forgery. — Morris Bender

You can't kill us all, human.'
He was right. I raised the machine gun a little. 'True, but who's going to be first in line? — Laurell K. Hamilton

For every guy who loves being a dad, there's another who realizes too late that he's created something his wife loves more than him. — Mark R. Brand

When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said. — Steven Wright

God writes a lot of comedy ... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. — Garrison Keillor

Who's your daddy?'
Myrnin stared at him as if he'd gone completely mental. 'Excuse me? — Rachel Caine

The only non-believer I encountered was Oscar Levant who wouldn't visit Disneyland because he said he had his own hallucinations. — Jack Paar

Though everyone in the bar knew who he was, no one asked him about the death, though one old man did rustle his newspaper suggestively. — Donna Leon

If he didn't want to be mauled by a sex-starved woman who hadn't gotten any skin in months, he'd better keep his hands to himself. — Jody Wallace

Most of my relatives are police marksmen, apart from my grandad who was a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family. — Milton Jones

Who's there?"
"The scratcher of your itch," he said.
She opened the door a crack and stuck her nose out. "Was that supposed to be romantic? — Jill Shalvis

Who would want him? he asks himself. Certainly not Ahana, who's funny, bright and so beautiful that it hurts. — Durjoy Datta

The biggest liar in the world is the golfer who claims he plays the game for exercise. — Tommy Bolt

He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome. — Adam Carolla

I lived with a guy who had OCD and I used to put Rice Krispies in his slippers before I went out. He went mental, but not before he counted them all. — Russell Howard

He who laughs last ... just didn't get the joke. — Carroll Bryant

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. — Groucho Marx

I don't have the first clue who he is talking about, because all I worry about is Jerome. — Jerome James

At this point I'm sure he's more plastic than person, but most people who hate wrinkles become Daleks over time, anyway. — Ashley Poston

To be sitting on the bench behind somebody who only started to play when he was 30 is not funny. — Jens Lehmann

I'd find the fellow who lost it, and, if he was poor, I'd return it. — Yogi Berra

One of my favorite comedies is 'Groundhog Day' and 'Scrooged.' I love Bill Murray, and I think he's a great example of an actor who is funny. — Fiona Gubelmann

He had a real mother, and a stepfather named Bart who Martin called Fart but only with his brothers and James — Marthe Jocelyn

Here's a guy who when he runs, he moves faster. — John Madden

A comedian is not a person who opens a funny door - he's the person who opens a door funny. — Chuck Jones

I wondered if I could make him laugh like that, if he was the kind of guy who believes that girls could also be funny. — Leila Howland

To be fair he is Lord Byron," Jane said. "I don't know many people who haven't slept with him at one time or another."
Jane Fairfax — Michael Thomas Ford

He who laughs last didn't get the joke. — Charles De Gaulle

Yes, I'm back," he said, "And look who I ran into."
Horace grinned at him. "i hope you ran into him hard."
"As hard as I could. — John Flanagan

I have an erratic drummer for anybody who's just listening to this, he can keep time, but just in spurts. — Demetri Martin

The man who tries to be funny is lost. To lose one's naturalness is always to lose the sympathy of your audience. — Harold Lloyd

A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. — G. Gordon Liddy

He who desires nothing, hopes for nothing, and is afraid of nothing, cannot be an artist. — Anton Chekhov

There once was an old man of Lyme who married three wives at a time when asked, 'Why a third?' he replied 'One's absurd! and bigamy, sir, is a crime!' — William Cosmo Monkhouse

Unlike Tania, who was so slim, Rykoff looked as if he'd been given an order to get fat
an order he had been delighted to obey. — Henning Mankell

The funny thing about the boy who gave away his loaves and fish is that he, too, ended the day with a full stomach. — Mark Hart

So I flirt with disaster once or twice. Who doesn't?"
He snorted. "You don't just flirt with disaster, you have intercourse with it. — Dannika Dark

I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium. — Henny Youngman

I'm sure I look a wreck. But he's the one who wrecked me so he may as well take a good long look at what he's done. — Monica Murphy

Plans?" he snorted. "I'm ninety-three years old! Who in tarnation makes plans at my age? I could stop breathin' any minute now. — Linda Howard

He forced himself forward trying to seem innocent without acting like someone who was guilty who was trying to act innocent. — James Dashner

I don't know who the hell Paul Lynde is, or why he's funny, and I prefer it to be a mystery to me. — Paul Lynde

Of course, he said, he who is of a certain nature, is like those who are
of a certain nature; he who is not, not. — Plato

He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow. — George Eliot

Jeff Ross has a new show on Comedy Central where he roasts the news. It'll be perfect for people who find Jon Stewart too handsome and funny. — Seth Green

My father was a very funny man, and one of my strongest recollections is hearing him laugh. He didn't like people who had no sense of humour. — Mike Myers

In particular, there was a butler in a blue coat and bright buttons, who gave quite a winey flavour to the table beer; he poured it out so superbly. — Charles Dickens

If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptable. — Mitch Hedberg

Remember what the Bible says: He who is without sin, cast the first rock. And I shall smoketh it. — Dave Chappelle

A Scot is a man who keeps the Sabbath, and everything else he can lay his hands on. — Chic Murray

He who keeps danger in mind will rest safely in his seat. — Confucius

He who lies down with dogs shall rise with fleas — Christina Dodd

He who laughs ... lasts. — Erma Bombeck

Ancient Chinese proverb," he said, heading toward the kitchen.
"He who butt-fucks all night wakes up with sore asshole. — Brad Boney