Funny Ex Quotes: top 56 famous quotes about Funny Ex

Funny Ex Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Ex quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

We all flinched as Ray flipped the breaker back on, but my laboratory again failed to erupt in flames. It must be a mad scientist record. — Richard Roberts

Well, I have one consolation. No candidate was ever elected ex-president by such a large majority! — William Howard Taft

I think I got a lot of my 'funny' DNA from my mother, who had a glorious sense of the ridiculous. — Christopher Buckley

Her hands were large and knuckley and calloused, made to hold a rifle, not a needle. — Hilary Mantel

One does not simply ring Roland.
Oh boy. I supposed I would get a lecture on the dangers of wandering into Mordor next. — Ilona Andrews

Radical Edwards's profile? He's a seven-foot tall ex-basketball pro hindu guru drag-queen alien.
-Jet Black, from the Cowboy Bebop anime script — Keiko Nobumoto

I'm so careless that now i don't even care if i cared about you. — Me

I think people like comedies and I think concept driven comedies seem to be working when it's a clear concept and you deliver funny stuff. — Todd Phillips

And there's no damage to the car. Except to the car itself. — Murray Walker

It is funny how no one seems to want my always excellent advice. — Anne Lamott

My ex-boyfriend can round last night, which was weird because I didn't know he was in a coma. — Jo Brand

The funny part about Islam is; even if you rape a woman, it would be considered as her fault. — M.F. Moonzajer

If I let you go are you going to hit me again?"
"What do you think?"
"Then I'm not going to let you go. — Sarah Mayberry

I don't want want to go to jail, I'm fragile. — Adam Sandler

More you know, better advice you give. Less you know, more advice you give. — Gerry Geek

-"He loved her ... It was noble of him. It was beautiful."
-"It was stupid. — Lloyd Alexander

Culver is a language magnet school. What it's mainly a magnet for, if you want to know the truth, is nerds. — Dave Barry

If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number? — Robin Williams

I want to make a vending machine that sells vending machines. It'd have to be real big. — Mitch Hedberg

You're impossible," she told him.
"Of course I am," he answered. "It's part of my charm. — David Eddings

I see some people with glasses here, I trust people with glasses, don't you? But if you're wearing your glasses like this ... "Get away from 'em!" — Jim Gaffigan

If I was a mechanic and someone called me and said their car would not start, I would say, "Hey - maybe a killer is after you!" — Mitch Hedberg

If I were you, I'd go and do that. : Vikalp
That's why you're not me! : Yatharth. — Shubham Choudhary

Jack Black is so funny! On and off screen, like, he would make you laugh every day. He's hilarious. — Caitlin Hale

Was that suit made to order? Where were you at the time? — Henny Youngman

Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got? — Bill Maher

The ex-left-hander Dave Roberts will be going for Houston. — Jerry Coleman

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny. — Dane Cook

Unbeknown to us, some of the people who we hope are missing us wherever they are do miss us; some miss someone else; and some are dead. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

At the factory, I deal with ex-cons, substance abusers, and sexual harassers. And I'm not just talking about my mom. — George Lopez

Walked right by an ex-girlfriend today. Not on purpose, I just didn't recognize her with her mouth closed. — Aristotle.

An "EX" is called an "ex" because it's an EXample of what you shouldn't have again in the future. — Unknown

All I'm saying is I've never seen my ex and satan in the same room. — Unknown

My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud. — Rodney Dangerfield

It's so funny to think that I used to be a model and here I am doing arbitrage, shipping and negotiating margins, the list is endless. — Caprice Bourret

Most man can think no better than a child! This fact perfectly explains why there are so many funny beliefs! — Mehmet Murat Ildan

How much detention did you get?
Two weeks. One per arsehole. — Stephanie Perkins

Luck is merely a product of the happily delusional mind. — Lois Greiman

It's funny; recently I've started to notice people's impersonations of me, and it's basically like a hyperactive child. — Dave Grohl

Mitt Romney had a horse competing in the Olympics. He didn't win. But next year, he'll be competing in 'Dancing with the Stars.' — David Letterman

As humans we speak one language ... — Avril Lavigne

You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm.
It's really funny. — Brandon Sanderson

Moving on was going to require leaving the woods and getting a friend set that didn't have gray hairs, hip replacements and a few false teeth. — Rebecca Brooks

He runs to the sink to spit it out. I grin. There's nothing quite as funny as someone else's misery. — Holly Black

I'd rather hug Magic Johnson after he rolled around in barbed wire. — Jim Norton

I had a dream about you last night. We watched pornography together, but purely for the storyline. — Michael Summers

I got my start in silent radio. — Bob Monkhouse

Groupies will give you Chlamydia, Edward."
"Right, Virg. Groupies throw underwear on stage. They don't throw flowers. — Andrew Barger

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success? — Jerry Seinfeld

Being good has nothing to do with being a Boy !!. Better is the latter! — Nelson Jack

The ballgame is over ... in this inning. — Jerry Coleman

She shuddered. What is it with slobbery kissers? Are they trying to drown us in spit? I mean, Jesus, swallow every now and then. — Tammara Webber

She wanted to be given a funny script so that she could make it funnier. — Nick Hornby

I find it very difficult to be funny, it's much easier to do tragedy than it is to do comedy. — Eric Drooker

Text messages are dying a funny kind of death. — Anonymous

In the silence, the bear died. It was a cute death, with funny music. — Orson Scott Card