Funny Doug Stanhope Quotes
Collection of top 33 famous quotes about Funny Doug Stanhope
Funny Doug Stanhope Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Doug Stanhope quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life.
— Doug Stanhope
Complaining that a comic is drunk is like going to a titty bar and complaining because your lapdancer is a communist.
— Doug Stanhope
We can choose to alleviate suffering. We can choose to work together for peace. We can make these changes - and we must.
— Jimmy Carter
If you really believe death leads to eternal bliss then why are you wearing a seatbelt?
— Doug Stanhope
The second half of joy is shorter than the first
— Emily Dickinson
They should raise the alcohol age to 60, so at least you'd have something to look forward to at this point.
— Doug Stanhope
I couldn't be a responsible enough parent if my kid was born with a new suit and a full-time job.
— Doug Stanhope
The purpose of studying opening theory should not be accumulating any set amount of knowledge, but being content with whatever knowledge one has.
— Paul Van Der Sterren
This is the history of the world with perhaps a stronger dash of hypocrisy than usual to soothe our feelings.
— Gregg Jones
I have been too sudden. I have startled you, my sweet! But you will let me teach you to care for me?
— Annie Haynes
Sex is a very narrow avenue. You only have so many holes and parts, and eventually, you run out of things to do.
— Doug Stanhope
I collect men with interesting names.
— Sylvia Plath
I sometimes wonder if necrophiliacs are really into dead people or if they just enjoy the quiet.
— Doug Stanhope
Doing stand-up takes the fun out of being funny.
— Doug Stanhope
Alcohol does not make ugly people attractive. It makes it so you could care less that they're ugly.
— Doug Stanhope
Babies are like poems. They're beautiful to their creator, but to other people, they're silly and they're irritating.
— Doug Stanhope
My first open mic, I drank a full pitcher of beer by myself. I wasn't afraid of being in front of people as much as, Is this funny?
— Doug Stanhope
Evil came from within, just as love and beauty did. Evil was the price humans paid for being alive.
— Kristina Douglas
What I've lost in years I've gained in wisdom. Bullshit, I haven't learnt one thing in the last 15 years that hasn't just depressed me more.
— Doug Stanhope
I like birthdays. Every time someone is born, that's just like bringing more cake into the world.
— Demetri Martin
I need to get into the water, to clear my head.
— Erika Swyler
I've jammed enough things up my own ass just trying to come on any amphetamine based narcotic.
— Doug Stanhope
Those who have failed miserably are often the first to see God's formula for success.
— Erwin W. Lutzer
