Funny Bad Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Funny Bad

Funny Bad Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Bad quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Sometimes you do know, in 'Commando' when I said 'I lied', I knew that it was going to be a funny line. I've never had a bad line. — Arnold Schwarzenegger

God turned out to be a bunch of bad little kids playing interstellar Xbox. Isn't that funny? — Stephen King

I think we're all good and bad, but good's not funny. Bad is funny. Suppress the good and let the bad out, and then you can be funny. — Larry David

I got to dress up in funny clothes and run around New Zealand with a bow and arrow for 18 months, how bad could that be? — Orlando Bloom

I shouldn't say bad things about the illiterate, though..I should write it. That way they won't find out. — Mike Birbiglia

You can't kill us all, human.'
He was right. I raised the machine gun a little. 'True, but who's going to be first in line? — Laurell K. Hamilton

If I could get hold of something nasty and drop it in the coffee urn, I could poison them all."
"Too bad your personality's not water-soluble. — Jesse Hajicek

Don't feel bad for me. I think I'm, like, so pretty. — Amy Schumer

Playing against a defensive opponent is just as bad as making love to a tree. — Jorge Valdano

It's so bad being homeless in winter. They should go somewhere warm like the Caribbean where they can eat fresh fish all day. — Lady Victoria Hervey

You realize the bad guy isn't wearing a black cape or easy to spot; he's funny, makes you laugh, and has perfect hair. — Taylor Swift

Don't lick the guests, darling. Bad manners. — Patricia Briggs

God writes a lot of comedy ... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. — Garrison Keillor

It's funny reading about how I behaved in the days before memories formed. So thanks for that input, Mom and Dad - wasn't so bad after all. — Connor Franta

I know all the bad things that happened in that war. I was in uniform four years myself. — Ronald Reagan

Whenever I investigate a smell, I find that the answer is always bad. It's never: 'What is that? *sniff* muffins!' — Demetri Martin

We all know smoking is bad. I know I'm going to quit someday, if I thought I wasn't I'd quit now. — Dylan Moran

Big surprise, I put you to sleep. Don't feel bad. It happens all the time. — Robyn Carr

All I wanted for Christmas was a New Years Eve party that I would never forget. Too bad I got too drunk to remember it. — Carroll Bryant

The service at this airport restaurant is so bad I'm starting to panic that I'm a ghost. — Kristen Schaal

Too bad. Family members hit you by accident. Psychopathic whores tend to come back for more. — Richelle Mead

Never trust people who smile constantly. They're either selling something or not very bright. — Laurell K. Hamilton

I can tell you how bad our boards are ... I don't have to watch Saturday Night Live anymore; I just go to the board meetings. — Carl Icahn

I think 'Breaking Bad' is brilliant. Good drama in the U.S. is also so funny and blurs the line between light and dark. — Arthur Darvill

Funny always makes the bad things go away. — Candace Bushnell

I wasn't exactly sure what "nothing good" meant, but I could imagine in this world of humans, "nothing good" could mean a lot of bad things. — Tamra Torero

Good man and bad man with money goes a long ways." ~ Amunhotep El Bey — Amunhotep El Bey

When boys get mad its not so bad
When girls get mad world WW3 is about to start! — P.C. Cast

Tension is a habit. Relaxing is a habit. Bad habits can be broken, good habits formed. — William James

Some girls want to be a princess when they grow up. I wanted to be in a bad bitch girl gang. — Natalia Kills

Just to keep the bad dreams at bay, she took a swig out of a bottle that smelled of apples and happy brain-death. — Terry Pratchett

People should just be aware of how they are eating ... yesterday I had a McDonald's breakfast and pizza too - but that's bad. — Peaches Geldof

I can't decide whether I'm a good girl wrapped up in a bad girl, or if I'm a bad girl wrapped up in a good girl. And that's how I know I'm a woman! — C. JoyBell C.

We all men want a bad girl friend, but a good wife. — M.F. Moonzajer

I forgot for a second that he was my ancestral enemy, and felt bad for him; then i consoled myself that bird poop brings good luck — Rob Reger

Bill Gates is just a monocle and a Persian Cat away from being one of the bad guys in a James Bond movie. — Dennis Miller

The school should teach a class on deciphering obscure images in bad photography. Amanda's photos could make up the textbooks. — Jordan Elizabeth Mierek

The first law of dietetics seems to be: if it tastes good, it's bad for you. — Isaac Asimov

The guy thought he was Mick Jagger. I felt bad for him. — Kami Garcia

I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like, and it doesn't go well. Either they're a bad sport or I'm not as funny as I could be. — Jeff Ross

At the very leadt, we can grab Monica and hustle her skanky ass back to her dad wile you brave, strong menfolk hold off the bad guys. Right? — Rachel Caine

Being nice can be funny. A lot of my jokes are like, 'Let me take a bad situation and try to put the best spin on it.' — Ron Funches

Love is a funny thing. It can make you the happiest person in the world when it's good, but when it goes bad, it can crush you beyond recognition. — Courtney Giardina

Saying women aren't funny is now like saying Asians can't drive or saying black people have bad credit. It's just really, like, so obsolete. — Whitney Cummings

One thing about golf is you don't know why you play bad and why you play good. — George Archer

Sex and pizza, they say, are similar. When it's good, it's good. When it's bad, you get it on your shirt. — Mike Birbiglia

It was amazing how many friends you could make by being bad at things, provided you were bad enough to be funny. — Terry Pratchett

My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada. — Ellen DeGeneres

Well, good news, " Blitzen said. "I found the bag. Bad news...I found the bag. — Rick Riordan

Third ain't so bad if nothin' is hit to you. — Yogi Berra

Zebrowski says that if you killed someone else just hide the body, he's not starting over on the paperwork. — Laurell K. Hamilton

It's awful bad luck to bring a woman aboard the ship."
"It's awful worse luck not to. — Johnny Depp

I noticed that the snow was gone and the ground looked greener. It's funny how the good stuff can wipe away the bad stuff so quickly. — Melody J. Bremen

Pause while reading a book only in case of two things:
1. To kiss
2. To sip coffee
Too bad both are a luxury. — Saleem Sharma

I'm still going on bad dates when by now I should be in a bad marriage. — Laura Kightlinger

I am really terrible when it comes to guys. Inside, I just see myself as this overweight tomboy with funny-coloured hair and bad skin. — Katie McGrath

It's funny, the moment you dread the most, seeing yourself bald, is actually not such a bad moment at all. — Sylvie Meis

You worked for Harry King, they said, because a broken leg was bad for business, and Harry King was all about business. — Terry Pratchett

There's no in between-you're either good or bad. We were in between. — Gary Lineker

If you have to release bad news to the public, it would help if you are not ugly. — Mitch Hedberg

You know, every bad guy was once good until he crossed a line. I don't think they come out of the womb being assholes. — Laurann Dohner

Nice guys finish last but bad guys don't finish at all. — Matshona Dhliwayo

It would be a really bad idea to let this person loose."

"How bad of an idea?"

"Kicking-Hitler-out-of-art-school bad. — Rin Chupeco

I felt bad for the girls in my school, who flocked to prom like it was the second coming of Christ, complete with double-rainbows and unicorns. — G.G. Silverman

Judgement comes from experience, and great judgement comes from bad experience. — Bob Packwood

I've always said that instead of watching a guy juggle seven things amazingly I would rather see a really bad juggler who's really funny. — Jeff Dunham

That was before I'd started thinking about how life stuck on a ship wouldn't be so bad if Elder walked around pantless more. — Beth Revis

People always say, "When did you know you were funny?" They don't mean that in a bad way - this already makes me sound like such a jerk. — Rob Huebel

I hope his breath wasn't too bad for 'Bron.' — Paul George

The risk I took was calculated, but, man, am I bad at math! — Unknown

Not being funny doesn't make you a bad person. Not having a sense of humor does. — David Rakoff

If someone ever asks you to do something for them, do it really bad so you never have to do it again. — Paris Hilton

I managed a team that was so bad we considered a 2-0 count on the batter a rally. — Rich Donnelly

Now I really feel sorry for her. Your hand is as bad as Rob's paddle," Cassie shuddered.
"Thank you."
"I didn't mean it as a compliment! — Breanna Hayse

Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. — Woody Allen

Are you trying to tell all of us we have a bad signal-to-noise ratio? — Robert A. Heinlein

I'm going to strip my way through plumber's school. What do you think of the stage name Fine-Ass Frankie? — Rebecca Murphy

I was beginning to think that Simon just had a bad case of OCD, ADD, and PMS. With a little BS and OMG mixed in. — Dannika Dark

Good painter imitates nature, bad ones spews it up. — Miguel De Cervantes

The first sign that Karma was now in cahoots with the Devil Incarnate to ruin her existance should've been before sunrise and pre-coffee. — Kelly Moran

Obviously she's the kind of woman who gives people the benefit of the doubt. I prefer to assume bad stuff first; correct it later. — Heather Day Gilbert

It's funny: There's a lot of comics on 'Breaking Bad.' — Steven Michael Quezada

Brad Pitt's role in 'Mr. & Mrs. Smith' - I want to do that so bad! That's one of my favorite movies of all time, and that character was so funny. — Jessie Usher

You have a bad habit of listing anything that can go wrong, Volger."
"I have always considered that a good habit — Scott Westerfeld

Yeah, that's funny, huh? ... Something hurts you real bad and you get used to it. Like being hurt becomes part of who you are. — Walter Dean Myers

Bad writing, it is easily verified, has never kept scholarship from being published. — Jacques Barzun

Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent. — Daniel Tosh

No, officer, I have no idea why I'm wearing this possum costume. I called you what? OH. My bad.
-Nastasya — Cate Tiernan

They say laughter is the best medicine, and I agree. Plus, it's free, has no bad side effects and is available to EVERYONE. — Mindy Levy

From my dad ... I think we have a similar sense of humor. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing, but I think he's funny! — Jenna Bush

Basement smells bad. Look for cat poops, change litter. — Martha Stewart

You could take Vicodin, step out of the house, onto a freeway, have a truck hit you, and you'd say "My Bad!". — Bill Engvall

You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's!!! — Bill Watterson

His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings. — Rodney Dangerfield

I'm bad and I'm going to hell, and I don't care. I'd rather be in hell than anywhere where you are. — William Faulkner

For the first time in my life, I was in a shoot-out. A real, honest-to-goodness shoot-out with a bad guy. And, apparently, we both sucked. — Darynda Jones

I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me. — Rodney Dangerfield

Why does everyone think the future is space helmets, silver foil, and talking like computers, like a bad episode of Star Trek? — Tracey Ullman

Funny, though, I don't feel too bad. — Suzanne Collins

I have a copy of you in my brain; when you make me angry I do very bad things to you. — M.F. Moonzajer