Funny And Witty Quotes: top 31 famous quotes about Funny And Witty

Funny And Witty Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny And Witty quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

#3 pencils and quadrille pads. — Seymour Cray

As marriage produces children, so children produce care and disputes; and wrangling. — Mary Wortley Montagu

When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here? — Billy Connolly

We used to sleep five to a bed and three of them used to wet the bed. I learnt to swim before I could walk. — Bernard Manning

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. — William J. Clinton

Ugliness is better than beauty. It lasts longer and in the end, gravity will get us all. — Johnny Depp

You promise?"
"I cross the place where my heart used to be and wish to be even more deader than I am now. — Derek Landy

Money, Gun and Lie can solve almost all the problems. — Amit Kalantri

We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. — George Carlin

Endure for another day, Mister Tannen, and you'll have all the foul black misuse of water you can drink. — Scott Lynch

Pickup lines never work ... I think someone clever, witty and funny is very attractive. — Kate Upton

I'm afraid of the dark,and suspicious of the light. — Woody Allen

He liked murder. Murder and long walks had been two of his favorite things when he was younger. — Derek Landy

Give me the luxuries and I can dispense with the necessities. — Oscar Wilde

So just let me deal with it, I can be emotionally flawed and still love you all at the same time. I'm a great multitasker. — Holly Hood

I wanted to play with death, like a child with a new toy, I wanted to push all the buttons and see what would happen. — Holly Hood

Between funny and witty
Falls the shadow — Stephen Fry

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. — George Carlin

Never make eye contact with a stranger when you're having a churro. — Rucy Ban

You should praise, criticize and flirt with people right to their face, only then it will make a difference. — Amit Kalantri

And it's really very difficult to kill someone when all your inner instincts would oblige you to take off your hat first! — Susan Kay

When someone gives you advice, just ask them to give it in writing and they will either keep mum or will run from there. — Amit Kalantri

Quote from In Love of Honey, Money....and My Virgin Passport

If you think you've the most wicked sense of humour, try life! — Mita Jain

If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there — Will Rogers

Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting. — Finley Peter Dunne

Witty and mean is easy - but fond and funny is hard. — Steven Moffat

I usually lump organized religion, organized labor, and organized crime together. The Mafia gets points for having the best restaurants — Dave Beard

Love is like a war; easy to start but hard to end and you never know where it might take you. — Oscar Wilde

(About a cookbook ... )
- What about this one? Maids of Honor?
- Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor ... but they ends up Tarts. — Terry Pratchett

And the challenge in the next round would be determined by the winner of this test. "Like, what, the DOM-matrix?" ~Tara Reese — Lucian Bane

Allow me to put the record straight. I am forty-six and have been for some years past. — Erica Jong