Family Humor Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Family Humor

Family Humor Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Family Humor quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

It was like that hand on The Adams Family. Only... a vagina." - Steve — Lucian Bane

If we adopted Jack," I quip, "we'd have to give him combat pay for an allowance — Daven Anderson

We should all just face reality and stop taking our meals together. — Jonathan Tropper

Isn't reality based on the prevailing culture, the trend that people want to identify with? — Janvier Chouteu-Chando

Some people live their memorable years fighting against their basic instincts only to succumb in the end to what was actually good for them. — Janvier Chouteu-Chando

We, humans, have come up with so many superficialities that are completely unnecessary for our existence and happiness on earth. — Janvier Chouteu-Chando

Another family crisis: The rabbit goes blind. — Jacob M. Appel

Sometimes we can focus so much on nothing that we make it a big something of nothing — Ricky Maye

We goan start promptly at seven o'clock, so be sure to take care of all your bodily needs and functions before we get started. — Charmaine T. Davis

We love out of compassion, passion or a sense of commitment. — Janvier Chouteu-Chando

Prospero the Enchanter's immediate reaction upon meeting his daughter is a simple declaration of: Well, fuck. — Erin Morgenstern

The trouble with cousins, Lizabeth thought, was that they knew all about you, even your allergies. — Erika Tamar

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. — George Burns

Sometimes, though, you have to do things for family, even if you'd rather not. — Patricia C. Wrede

All around us is a nothing that stretches on for infinity. We humans can barely comprehend that. If we comprehend it we are rarely pleased. — F.K. Preston

With true love, you can move mountains, make unusual sacrifices, live a life of deprivations and still be happy. — Janvier Chouteu-Chando

My brother got shot three times two months ago, and he didn't get the fever."
"I bet your family gets shot at a lot, huh? — Shelly Laurenston

I'm not very domestic. For years my family thought mold was a frosting. — Martha Bolton

When somebody you love dies, a phase of life's innocence dies with that person, and a part of you dies as well. — Janvier Chouteu-Chando

Fiction is the poor persons travel agent. — L.Douglas Muncy

If you have to explain your sense of humor, then you are performing for the wrong crowd. — Shannon L. Alder

What a strange family you are! Is your name Lettie too? — Diana Wynne Jones

My family has been amazing, and they understand how blessed I am. They've been able to keep my sense of humor. — Karen Duffy

Do close your mouth. You look like a cow that's being artificially inseminated. — Nick Wilgus

The best way to learn Japanese is to be born as a Japanese baby, in Japan, raised by a Japanese family. — Dave Barry

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance. — George Bernard Shaw

The men my family threw me at were strong and powerful. I could kill this boy with a teaspoon, and for some reason that made me feel comfortable. — Kay Harding

They say that time is relative. I think the way it's treating me it's a distant one, maybe a bad uncle, and not welcome in my house this Christmas!! — Neil Leckman

Adoption is the most intentional process on Earth. — Jody Cantrell Dyer

Siblings: children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together. — Sam Levenson

My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen. — Jimmy Carr

To begin with, I dined there on Monday, and once a week is quite enough to dine with one's own relations. — Oscar Wilde

Gran follows recipes by looking at picture - to the eye, delicious; to the tongue, boiled socks. Makes you wanna cry really. — Simon Cheshire

Apparently, he'd killed so many family members that he must have significantly affected the Lore's population. Doing my part for the environment. — Kresley Cole

There was an omnivorous intellect that won him the family sobriquet of Walking Encyclopedia. — Eric Liu

A whore Ailean may have been, but a loving, caring whore who adored his offspring and mate. — G.A. Aiken

Man craves joy far more than anything else in life, but there is nothing as madly intoxicating as the feeling of joy that comes from the soul. — Janvier Chouteu-Chando

In the end, we all die for what we believe in... mostly because we all die. — Nazareth Bergeron

There was pie on the table when Tugs returned. Pie in the Button family meant trouble. — Anne Ylvisaker

Momma always said when Randy got an idea in his head it was more likely to come attached to a foot in his ass than a check in the bank. — Joe Schwartz

Life is a mighty joke that is not meant to be funny. — Janvier Chouteu-Chando

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree ... unless that tree's growing on top of a hill. — John DePrey

There is no bigger gratification than the realization of the things you believe in after overcoming all the odds. — Janvier Chouteu-Chando

Either hide this well or destroy it. It was the family motto. — Jill Lepore

Haylee shook her head as soon as they were gone. Christ, how can our family be mankind's best hope? — Natasha Larry

My son is 21. He'll be 22 if I let him. — Henny Youngman

I think part of being a parent is trying to kill your kids. — Stephen King

Everything's temporary...until it's not. — Renata Suerth

Wouldn't it be great if life was only Legos? If we could give our kids the right, simple building blocks? — Chris Bent

Beer is a good family drink. — Lydia Maria Francis Child

Good grief. They're like the freaking poster family for the NRA. — Elisabeth Wheatley

Honestly, you needn't think it's easy to be the "badly brought up" central figure of a hypocritical family in hiding. — Anne Frank

In today's world, human desires far supersede human needs. Waste, as you can see, is the result of that disparity. — Janvier Chouteu-Chando

The grown-ups, or maybe I should say the parents, ate in the dining room. — Ann Darby

I come from a family of musicians. Even the sewing machine is a Singer. — Frank Carson

I keep dying and hoping you notice me. But you're too busy living. — F.K. Preston

By the time we get to church, I need church cuz I've been yelled at by everyone in the family. — Jeff Foxworthy

Who wants avocado? — Wendy Lustbader

When he picked out the [gravesite] plot, my father had joked that he was moving, at last, to the suburbs. — Marco Roth

We always emerge from the death of a loved one like a phoenix arising from its funeral pyre. — Janvier Chouteu-Chando

I Have Fought the Good Fight and Won — Carmen J. Viglucci

Donit kill her now, just when we've gone to all that trouble to rescue her, said Jeffrey. — Jeanne Birdsall

A dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it. — Mary Karr

Family. Couldn't live with them, couldn't run a stake through them. — Chloe Neill

Perhaps fate has a way of turning things around and making something good out of the action of someone who failed humanity without meaning to. — Janvier Chouteu-Chando

I don't drink a lot. My family calls me an old soul. And my friends call me a pussy. — Mike Birbiglia

Writers are the most tormented of all the different categories of artists that are out there in the world. — Janvier Chouteu-Chando

And like most big families, they were loud and secretly thought they were funnier and a little more special than everyone else. — Jennifer Close

I might be 30 years old, but a girl never outgrows the need for her mother. — Debbie Macomber

Infant wart hogs resemble both sides of the family. — Will Cuppy

... People who are the spices of this world are the natural souls with instincts and impulses that have not been pruned by evolution and civilization. — Janvier Chouteu-Chando

There's a word for people you hate, but not enough to let them die...

...Family — Ryan Parrott

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is. — Ellen DeGeneres

New Rule: The Jacksons must trot out at least one family member who doesn't make us all ask, What went on in that house? — Bill Maher

Sometimes, our pride compels us to engage in costly wars when a true commitment to a compromising peace would have been the best course to pursue. — Janvier Chouteu-Chando

Violence can read like poetry. You just have to describe the act as if you're in love with the way your characters bleed. — F.K. Preston

Fat people are funny ... until obesity pays your loved one a visit. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

At first I didn't believe in women and unicorns but that was before I knew about the power of chick stuff and before I knew Vageena Hertz. — Peter Griffin

My dark comic edge is the end result of trying to use humor to maintain my sanity growing up in a dysfunctional family in Honolulu. — Kirby Wright

My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section. — Rodney Dangerfield

You set fire to my house, killed my family, and ate my dog. But steal my boyfriend? That's a step too far. — Libba Bray

It's in a can. It's good forever. — Renata Suerth

Most people have this tendency to make judgments on others based on preconceptions, especially when they are dealing with them for the first time. — Janvier Chouteu-Chando

He was always eating things of hers. Clothing, books, family heirlooms. — Kellyn Roth

God gives us relatives; thank God, we can choose our friends. — Addison Mizner

I love dark humor that crosses the line and makes you say, 'That's so wrong!' And that's 'Family Guy' to me. — Elena Satine

One of the things that binds us as a family is a shared sense of humor. — Ralph Fiennes

I'm a 21st-century kid trapped in a 19th-century family. — Bill Watterson

The selfish and self-centered have a hard time being kind, even though you and I know that kindness is a source of relief to the soul. — Janvier Chouteu-Chando

There's life after divorce, Sarah,' my father proclaimed, not that he'd ever been divorced. — Claire Cook

We are, in the comics, the last frontier of good, wholesome family humor and entertainment. — Bil Keane

Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain. — Martin Mull

My family were hitters. If you made them laugh, they didn't hit you. My dad wouldn't hit me if I got him with humor right between the eyes. — Roseanne Barr

My family isn't really Italian. We're more like Olive Garden Italian. — Mike Birbiglia

A man can't talk of true happiness if he has never known true love - the trusting, selfless and unconditional love that I took for granted. — Janvier Chouteu-Chando

Nona was as wacky as they came. — Holly Hood

When an American family becomes separated from its toothbrushes and combs and pajamas for a few hours it considers that it has had quite an adventure. — E.B. White

I think we should wean Grandma. — Renata Suerth

My creativity keeps me from starving. Humanity keeps my life mundane. Loving secures my love for life, but my imagination keeps me sane. — F.K. Preston

The capacity for friendship is God's way of apologizing for our families. — Jay McInerney