End Humor Quotes

Collection of top 100 famous quotes about End Humor

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End Humor Quotes & Sayings

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End Humor Quotes By Richard Kadrey: Everything's show biz in the end Everything's show biz in the end — Richard Kadrey
End Humor Quotes By Aaron Allston: Oh, wonderful. I killed his father. He hates Oh, wonderful. I killed his father. He hates me. He knows how to make bombs. Come on, Wedge, how does this story end? — Aaron Allston
End Humor Quotes By M T Anderson: We could sing to lift our spirits,' one We could sing to lift our spirits,' one of them suggested.
Believe me, you want me to end the chapter now. — M T Anderson
End Humor Quotes By Nora Ephron: When I buy a new book, I always When I buy a new book, I always read the last page first, that way in case I die before I finish, I know how it ends. That, my friend, is a dark side. — Nora Ephron
End Humor Quotes By Sheron Long: Ears back, tail up! I got to show Ears back, tail up! I got to show off the white tip on the end of my tail. It's the flag that all Shelties are proud of. — Sheron Long
End Humor Quotes By Anonymous: Careful, or you'll end up in novel. Careful, or you'll end up in novel. — Anonymous
End Humor Quotes By Eminem: Anybody with a sense of humor is going Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end. — Eminem
End Humor Quotes By Steven Wright: If you got into a taxi and the If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money? — Steven Wright
End Humor Quotes By Charles J. Sykes: Be nice to nerds. You may end up Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could. — Charles J. Sykes
End Humor Quotes By David Brent: You think you can see the light at You think you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it's only some bugger with a torch bringing you more work. — David Brent
End Humor Quotes By Mitch Hedberg: I saw on HBO they were advertising a I saw on HBO they were advertising a boxing match "It's a fight to the finish". That's a good place to end. — Mitch Hedberg
End Humor Quotes By Tom Upton: You know, my main goal in life is You know, my main goal in life is trying not to end up in a straightjacket. — Tom Upton
End Humor Quotes By Neil DeGrasse Tyson: If you removed all the arteries, veins, & If you removed all the arteries, veins, & capillaries from a person's body, and tied them end-to-end ... the person will die. — Neil DeGrasse Tyson
End Humor Quotes By J.K. Rowling: Professor Kettleburn, our Care of Magical Creatures teacher, Professor Kettleburn, our Care of Magical Creatures teacher, retired at the end of last year in order to enjoy more time with his remaining limbs. — J.K. Rowling
End Humor Quotes By Kathy Reichs: Today he wore a burnt-orange shirt, black pants, Today he wore a burnt-orange shirt, black pants, and a tie that looked like a street fight at the south end of the color wheel. — Kathy Reichs
End Humor Quotes By Donna Ball: Half the time your kids end up hating Half the time your kids end up hating you for at least 5 of their teenage years[.] And don't ever expect anything so mundane as a thank you — Donna Ball
End Humor Quotes By Neil DeGrasse Tyson: In 5-billion years the Sun will expand & In 5-billion years the Sun will expand & engulf our orbit as the charred ember that was once Earth vaporizes. Have a nice day. — Neil DeGrasse Tyson
End Humor Quotes By Anthony Lane: That's the trouble with cookbooks. Like sex education That's the trouble with cookbooks. Like sex education and nuclear physics, they are founded on an illusion. They bespeak order, but they end in tears. — Anthony Lane
End Humor Quotes By David Moody: Life feels like a game of Snakes and Life feels like a game of Snakes and Ladders, but without any ladders. — David Moody
End Humor Quotes By Morrissey: And make no mistake, my friend, your pointless And make no mistake, my friend, your pointless life will end; but before you go, can you look at the truth? — Morrissey
End Humor Quotes By K. Hollan Van Zandt: You must laugh in the face of adversity. You must laugh in the face of adversity. In the end, humor is the greatest weapon against the pain. The — K. Hollan Van Zandt
End Humor Quotes By Patricia Briggs: If she kept wondering about how much of If she kept wondering about how much of her life Bran engineered, she'd end up on a funny farm knitting caps for ducks. — Patricia Briggs
End Humor Quotes By Amy Smith: I don't fear deathI fear dying before I've I don't fear death
I fear dying before I've read Dickens end to end. — Amy Smith
End Humor Quotes By Kylie Scott: You're going to end up like one of You're going to end up like one of those crazy cat ladies with your apartment smelling of piss and regret. — Kylie Scott
End Humor Quotes By Jimmy Carr: Once I was doing a sponsored walk. In Once I was doing a sponsored walk. In the end I managed to raise so much money, I could afford a taxi. — Jimmy Carr
End Humor Quotes By Aaron B. Powell: I want that little blonde bitch in the I want that little blonde bitch in the lobby to hear me screaming your name. — Aaron B. Powell
End Humor Quotes By Caroline George: Coffee first. Save the world later. Coffee first. Save the world later. — Caroline George
End Humor Quotes By Steven Wright: I live at the end of a dead I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there. — Steven Wright
End Humor Quotes By Maya Angelou: In order to avoid this bitter end, we In order to avoid this bitter end, we would all have to be born again, and born with the knowledge of alternatives. Even then? — Maya Angelou
End Humor Quotes By Penelope Riley: It is not the destination where you end It is not the destination where you end up but the mishaps and memories you create along the way! — Penelope Riley
End Humor Quotes By George MacDonald: There are as many kinds of anger as There are as many kinds of anger as there are of the sunsets with which they ought to end. — George MacDonald
End Humor Quotes By Jay Mark D. Saga-ad: Therefore, you might end up, like be dead, Therefore, you might end up, like be dead, with still having that notion of 'not giving up' in your mind. — Jay Mark D. Saga-ad
End Humor Quotes By Lois Greiman: Marriage is like a toothbrush. It starts out Marriage is like a toothbrush. It starts out smooth and gets kind of prickly towards the end. — Lois Greiman
End Humor Quotes By Alex Gaskarth: Life's greatest tragedy is not that it will Life's greatest tragedy is not that it will someday end, but that most only live to follow directions and sometimes we end up totally lost. — Alex Gaskarth
End Humor Quotes By Jeanette Winterson: Going mad is the beginning of a process. Going mad is the beginning of a process. It is not supposed to be the end result. — Jeanette Winterson
End Humor Quotes By Karen Quan: When you're reaching the end of the semester When you're reaching the end of the semester and you just wanna die. Coffin Making 101 is literally killing me.
-Karen Quan and Jarod Kintz — Karen Quan
End Humor Quotes By Aubrea Summer: The easiest lie ever told is a truth The easiest lie ever told is a truth no one believes.- Sixteen Seconds — Aubrea Summer
End Humor Quotes By Martha Wells: If you raise a daughter to be both If you raise a daughter to be both independent and an excellent marksman, you have to accept the fact that your control over her actions is at an end. — Martha Wells
End Humor Quotes By Christian Lander: For white people, nothing makes them appreciate the For white people, nothing makes them appreciate the gift of life more than voluntarily trying to end it. — Christian Lander
End Humor Quotes By Natasha Leggero: If Jesus had known that his image would If Jesus had known that his image would end up on Justin Bieber's calf, he would've never started Christianity. — Natasha Leggero
End Humor Quotes By Margaret Weis: Why Is It That When You Wash Two Why Is It That When You Wash Two Socks You Only End Up With One? Is There Life After Death? and Where Did The Other Sock Go? — Margaret Weis
End Humor Quotes By A. J. Jacobs: Maybe taming my tongue will be good for Maybe taming my tongue will be good for me in the end. But it's pretty hard when you've got a world filled with idiots from Drunkopolis. — A. J. Jacobs
End Humor Quotes By Matt Fraction: Boomerang arrow, Kate It comes back to you Boomerang arrow, Kate
It comes back to you in the end. Boomerang. Respect it. — Matt Fraction
End Humor Quotes By Tom Morrison: Marriage is the legal method devised to end Marriage is the legal method devised to end love without pain. — Tom Morrison
End Humor Quotes By Suzanne Finnamore: It's adult swim time and I'm diving in It's adult swim time and I'm diving in here at the shallow end. — Suzanne Finnamore
End Humor Quotes By Heather Hill: The perfect body protects its owner from disease, The perfect body protects its owner from disease, gives birth to amazing new people and stops your bones from falling out. The end. — Heather Hill
End Humor Quotes By James Dashner: The girl leaned forward and kissed Thomas on The girl leaned forward and kissed Thomas on the cheek. You're sweet. I really hope we don't end up killing you, at least. — James Dashner
End Humor Quotes By Mokokoma Mokhonoana: Poverty does not always prevent a rich person Poverty does not always prevent a rich person from dating someone who is poor, unless the man is the one who is poor. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana
End Humor Quotes By Sean Covey: My dad told me that when I was My dad told me that when I was born my cheeks were so fat the doctors didn't know which end to spank. — Sean Covey
End Humor Quotes By Samanthe Beck: Her heart slipped out of its life jacket Her heart slipped out of its life jacket and paddled toward the deep end of stupid, where the water was way over its head — Samanthe Beck
End Humor Quotes By Iain M. Banks: The History Of The Universe In Three WordsCHAPTER The History Of The Universe In Three Words
CHAPTER ONE
Bang!
CHAPTER TWO
sssss
CHAPTER THREE
crunch.
THE END — Iain M. Banks
End Humor Quotes By Ilona Andrews: Is there a cookie at the end of Is there a cookie at the end of this lecture? ... I got a cookie after all ... Dear god, the cookie was poisoned. — Ilona Andrews
End Humor Quotes By A. Whitney Brown: I never joined, but I used to go I never joined, but I used to go to church now and then. I liked it, because they always passed out plates of money at the end. — A. Whitney Brown
End Humor Quotes By Robert W. Service: Of Books and Scribes there are no end:This Of Books and Scribes there are no end:
This Plague--and who can doubt it?
Dismays me so, I've sadly penned
Another book about it. — Robert W. Service
End Humor Quotes By Joan Rivers: To the pessimist the light at the end To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train. — Joan Rivers
End Humor Quotes By Matthew Norman: Significant thins shouldn't begin or end at Applebee's. Significant thins shouldn't begin or end at Applebee's. — Matthew Norman
End Humor Quotes By Jonathan Stroud: Check out that one at the end. He's Check out that one at the end. He's taken the form of a footstool. Weird ... but somehow I like his style."
"That is a footstool. — Jonathan Stroud
End Humor Quotes By Rainbow Rowell: Don't bite his face, Eleanor told herself. It's Don't bite his face, Eleanor told herself. It's disturbing and needy and never happens in situation comedies or movies that end with big kisses. — Rainbow Rowell
End Humor Quotes By Miguel De Cervantes Saavedra: I swear to hold my tongue about it I swear to hold my tongue about it till the end of your worship's days, and God grant I may be able to let it out tomorrow — Miguel De Cervantes Saavedra
End Humor Quotes By Douglas Adams: If you've done 6 impossible things this morning, If you've done 6 impossible things this morning, why not round it off with breakfast at Milliways, the Restaurant at the End of the Universe? — Douglas Adams
End Humor Quotes By Emma Chase: Don't put off till tomorrow anyone you could Don't put off till tomorrow anyone you could be doing today. — Emma Chase
End Humor Quotes By P.C. Zick: Be careful what you tell me. You could Be careful what you tell me. You could end up in my next novel. — P.C. Zick
End Humor Quotes By Sid Caesar: Comedy has to be based on truth. You Comedy has to be based on truth. You take the truth and you put a little curlicue at the end. — Sid Caesar
End Humor Quotes By Ben Aaronovitch: The study of the victim is called victimology The study of the victim is called victimology because everything sounds better with and ology tacked on the end. — Ben Aaronovitch
End Humor Quotes By Victor Hugo: Phoebus de Chateaupers likewise came to a 'tragic Phoebus de Chateaupers likewise came to a 'tragic end': he married. — Victor Hugo
End Humor Quotes By Beverley Andi: If you want a woman, you have to If you want a woman, you have to take her accessories, end of story. — Beverley Andi
End Humor Quotes By Joey Green: The light at the end of the tunnel The light at the end of the tunnel is another train heading straight for you. — Joey Green
End Humor Quotes By T.H. White: The race will find that capitalists and communists The race will find that capitalists and communists modify themselves so much during the ages that they end by being indistinguishable as democrats ... — T.H. White
End Humor Quotes By Josh Stern: things you bone, end up boning you things you bone, end up boning you — Josh Stern
End Humor Quotes By Kirby Wright: My dark comic edge is the end result My dark comic edge is the end result of trying to use humor to maintain my sanity growing up in a dysfunctional family in Honolulu. — Kirby Wright
End Humor Quotes By Jacqueline Patricks: Civilization is held together by duct tape and Civilization is held together by duct tape and spit, and I'm worried about the duct tape. — Jacqueline Patricks
End Humor Quotes By Jerry Coleman: Many people think the Cards at the end Many people think the Cards at the end of the wire will cross the finish line first. — Jerry Coleman
End Humor Quotes By Angela Kiss: There are those lunatic people who always prophesy There are those lunatic people who always prophesy the end of the world. I belong to them. — Angela Kiss
End Humor Quotes By Josh Stern: If you take things the wrong way, be If you take things the wrong way, be aware of which end is up — Josh Stern
End Humor Quotes By Elias Zapple: Nicu: It's not fair! Everybody has fangs but Nicu: It's not fair! Everybody has fangs but me, and I can't even turn into a bat properly. Sometimes when I try I end up as a sparrow! — Elias Zapple
End Humor Quotes By Mitch Hedberg: I hate arrows. They try to tell me I hate arrows. They try to tell me which direction to go. It's like "I ain't going that way, line with two thirds of a triangle on the end!" — Mitch Hedberg
End Humor Quotes By Will Self: I'm going to end up like one of I'm going to end up like one of those old weirdos who lives in a network of tunnels burrowed through trash - yet I do not fear this. — Will Self
End Humor Quotes By Paolo Giordano: In the end we are almost never happy In the end we are almost never happy or unhappy because of what happens to us; we are one or the other depending on the humor that flows inside us — Paolo Giordano
End Humor Quotes By Josh Stern: The gene pool could use a deep end The gene pool could use a deep end — Josh Stern
End Humor Quotes By Brian P. Cleary: Whatever story you're telling, it will be more Whatever story you're telling, it will be more interesting if, at the end you add, and then everything burst into flames. — Brian P. Cleary
End Humor Quotes By Roman Payne: In life, more than in anything else, it In life, more than in anything else, it isn't easy to end up alive. — Roman Payne
End Humor Quotes By Cressida Cowell: CHAPTER THE FIRST (AND LAST)The Golden Rule of CHAPTER THE FIRST
(AND LAST)
The Golden Rule of Dragon Training is to ...
YELL AT IT!
(The louder the better,)
THE END. — Cressida Cowell
End Humor Quotes By Janna Levin: Forever is a very long time, especially the Forever is a very long time, especially the bit towards the end. — Janna Levin
End Humor Quotes By Doug Larson: If all the cars in the United States If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend — Doug Larson
End Humor Quotes By Franny Billingsley: Yes, I'm shallow, I don't mind admitting it. Yes, I'm shallow, I don't mind admitting it. Perhaps I should admit that there's no end to the depths of my shallowness. — Franny Billingsley
End Humor Quotes By Jack Campbell: You know, like that old Catch 42 expression You know, like that old Catch 42 expression that stands for the meaning of life is that in the end you always get screwed. — Jack Campbell
End Humor Quotes By Loretta Chase: But women had to overlook men's personality flaws, But women had to overlook men's personality flaws, else nobody would ever wed and/or reproduce and the human race would come to an end. — Loretta Chase
End Humor Quotes By Lois Greiman: All's well so long-as you don't get shot All's well so long-as you don't get shot in the hind end with a twenty gauge. — Lois Greiman
End Humor Quotes By George Carlin: Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain. — George Carlin
End Humor Quotes By Mark Twain: Man was made at the end of the Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired. — Mark Twain
End Humor Quotes By Josh Stern: Does speed dating necessarily end up in a Does speed dating necessarily end up in a quickie divorce ... ? — Josh Stern
End Humor Quotes By Jonathan Dunne: Payback takes many forms but from the business-end Payback takes many forms but from the business-end of a Christmas turkey isn't a form I would've bet on... — Jonathan Dunne
End Humor Quotes By Lewis Black: If you don't drink 56 bottles of water If you don't drink 56 bottles of water a week, scientists say you should take a garden hose at the end of the week and shove it up your ass. — Lewis Black
End Humor Quotes By Esther Spurrill Jones: Here lies clever Trevor;Truth was not his friend.He Here lies clever Trevor;
Truth was not his friend.
He lied until the end;
Now, he'll lie forever. — Esther Spurrill Jones
End Humor Quotes By Dorothy Parker: If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised. — Dorothy Parker
End Humor Quotes By Nazareth Bergeron: In the end, we all die for what In the end, we all die for what we believe in... mostly because we all die. — Nazareth Bergeron
End Humor Quotes By Kristine Cuevas: And just as I thought that my happy And just as I thought that my happy ending was beginning, it had to end so soon even though it hadn't started yet. — Kristine Cuevas
End Humor Quotes By Walt Whitman Rostow: I see light at the end of the I see light at the end of the tunnel. — Walt Whitman Rostow
End Humor Quotes By Kalayna Price: This is so sweet I'm going to end This is so sweet I'm going to end up diabetic. — Kalayna Price
End Humor Quotes By Paul Grist: You're such an optimist Kane that's your problem. You're such an optimist Kane
that's your problem. You only end up disappointed. — Paul Grist

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