Elayne Boosler Quotes
Collection of top 60 famous quotes about Elayne Boosler
Elayne Boosler Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Elayne Boosler quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
There are many comedians who are afraid to work outside the coasts and the casinos because they're afraid they'll bomb.
— Elayne Boosler
The message of great art is to disturb.
— Elayne Boosler
I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.
— Elayne Boosler
Laundry's easier when you live alone. Fifteen minutes before a date, put 'em on, dry 'em with a hair blower.
— Elayne Boosler
Most people love animals, and most people love to laugh. Combining the two makes both resonate deeper.
— Elayne Boosler
A man who was loved by 300 woman singled me out to live with him. Why? I was the only one without a cat.
— Elayne Boosler
When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.
— Elayne Boosler
I have always put my own money into Tails of Joy. For years, every time a dog walked by, my husband would say, 'There goes our beach house.'
— Elayne Boosler
I read books that say if you want to keep sex hot you tell a person what you want. How do you tell 'em you want somebody else?
— Elayne Boosler
My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.
— Elayne Boosler
For a single woman, preparing for company means wiping the lipstick off the milk carton.
— Elayne Boosler
There's only one difference between Jews and Catholics. Jews are born with guilt, and Catholics have to go to school to learn it.
— Elayne Boosler
I guess in general, people tend to not eat the cute animals.
— Elayne Boosler
I pray if I ever find out I have only about three minutes to live it's during a basketball game, because then I'll have, what, 10, 12 years to live?
— Elayne Boosler
Men put all kinds of expectations on you. They want you to scream 'You're the best' while swearing you've never done this with anyone before.
— Elayne Boosler
Have you noticed that if you leave the laundry in the hamper long enough, it's ready to wear again?
— Elayne Boosler
My mother always said you could eat off her floor; you could eat of my floor too, there's so much food down there.
— Elayne Boosler
Stand-up is like a movie every night. You write it, direct it, produce it, the audience votes, and you go home. There's nothing more satisfying.
— Elayne Boosler
Turkeys know their names, come when you call, and are totally affectionate. They're better than teenagers.
— Elayne Boosler
Here is what is needed for Occupy Wall Street to become a force for change: a clear, and clearly expressed, objective. Or two.
— Elayne Boosler
The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.
— Elayne Boosler
You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot.
— Elayne Boosler
I always had a running commentary in my head that was extremely funny and off-center, but I never said it to anyone.
— Elayne Boosler
Sometimes, if you really don't know how you feel about a topic, reading how both sides argue it can help.
— Elayne Boosler
I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession.
— Elayne Boosler
President Reagan is a lot like E.T. He's cute, he's lovable, and he knows nothing about how Americans live.
— Elayne Boosler
I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.
— Elayne Boosler
Real comedy can't be learned; it comes from a need for justice. The best who stand up, stand up for something.
— Elayne Boosler
San Francisco is really fun and liberal, and it's my kind of politics. It's like being Jewish in front of Jewish people.
— Elayne Boosler
Horse racing is waning in popularity.
— Elayne Boosler
I run everywhere and eavesdrop. It's the best way to see a city.
— Elayne Boosler
I can't get married. I can't fake sleep for 30 years.
— Elayne Boosler
What do hookers do on their nights off, type?
— Elayne Boosler
Pigs are smarter than dogs, and both are smarter than Congress.
— Elayne Boosler
I'm pretty equal opportunity when it comes to issues to joke about.
— Elayne Boosler
Men in power always seem to get involved in sex scandals, but women don't even have a word for 'male bimbo.' Except maybe 'senator.
— Elayne Boosler
I am thankful that all the people in the world who absolutely, positively, know what God wants, usually kill mostly each other.
— Elayne Boosler
My family was totally non-religious. There was no question we were Jewish, but we were not observant.
— Elayne Boosler
As a standup comedian, I've worked almost every New Year's Eve of my adult life. It's the best-paying night of the year.
— Elayne Boosler
Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?
— Elayne Boosler
I don't categorize myself. I don't think I'm perceived as a female act by my audience. My fans include just as many men as women.
— Elayne Boosler
Comedy is a blood sport. It flays the truth and spurts twisted logic. In America, people become comics because we don't have bullfighting.
— Elayne Boosler
To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy.
— Elayne Boosler
People want sex education out of the schools. They believe sex education causes promiscuity. Hey, I took algebra, but I never do math.
— Elayne Boosler
I just get the feeling that if Jesse Helms was in charge of art in America, you'd go into a museum and see nothing but prints of dogs playing cards.
— Elayne Boosler
I've never been able to write for stand-up.
— Elayne Boosler
Citizens are all equal in politics: we each have one vote.
— Elayne Boosler
I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.
— Elayne Boosler
