Dov Davidoff Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Dov Davidoff

Dov Davidoff Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Dov Davidoff quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

The world treats beautiful people like they're good at something, which makes it so that they almost never get good at something. — Dov Davidoff

Is it a bad sign when someone asks you about the person your dating and a tear falls from your eye as you leap into oncoming traffic? — Dov Davidoff

My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way. — Dov Davidoff

The man I want to be could easily beat me up. — Dov Davidoff

You can't fool the American people - politician trying to fool the American people. — Dov Davidoff

I have emotional needs that I didn't know I had, and I have physical needs that I didn't know weren't really needs. — Dov Davidoff

Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you. — Dov Davidoff

Flying first class means sitting next to a better class of person I don't want to talk to. — Dov Davidoff

Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them. — Dov Davidoff

Dating is great unless you don't like horrible awkwardness, lying, and a deep foreboding sense of disappointment that never goes away. — Dov Davidoff

The great thing about having a small family is that there are fewer people to disappoint. — Dov Davidoff

Man's inhumanity toward man is astounding, and I'm just talking about the lineup at certain comedy clubs. — Dov Davidoff

Why hasn't anyone opened a night club named 'No Drugs Allowed, Wink, Wink'? — Dov Davidoff

Living one's life with unguarded vulnerability is one of the keys to happiness. It's also one of the keys to getting mugged. — Dov Davidoff

Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys. — Dov Davidoff

Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding. — Dov Davidoff

Health food would seem healthier if the people that sold it looked less unhealthy. — Dov Davidoff

Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there. — Dov Davidoff

Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you. — Dov Davidoff

A lot of people wouldn't feel miserable in this environment. A lot of people aren't dating my girlfriend. — Dov Davidoff

Great marriages are like the Higgs Boson particle, its existence has been theorized, but no one has ever seen one. — Dov Davidoff

There must be 15 shows about people's jobs: 'Ice Road Trucker,' 'Axe Men,' 'Dirty Jobs.' Unemployment is so high, we're watching people work. — Dov Davidoff

Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together. — Dov Davidoff

Being anti-social can also mean that you're aware of how annoying it is to be social. — Dov Davidoff

Nature's beauty never fails to fill me with a sense of wonder and awe, and still, I refuse to go camping. — Dov Davidoff

Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it. — Dov Davidoff

The color red is associated with romance and blood, but not at the same time. — Dov Davidoff

Laughing at ones own attempt at humor while saying things just come to me should be punishable by death. — Dov Davidoff

Is it a bad sign when you see the person you're dating and get the same feeling as if you just saw police lights in you're rear view mirror? — Dov Davidoff

If you love sleep, you'll really enjoy death. — Dov Davidoff

The best thing about bugs is their lack of self consciousness, also the ability to fly doesn't hurt. — Dov Davidoff

Lack of sleep is only bad if you have to drive, or think, or talk, or move. — Dov Davidoff

Sleep is over rated, then again so is being awake. — Dov Davidoff

Writing a new film about cereal killers. Not serial killers, cereal killers. The main character can eat two, three boxes at a time. — Dov Davidoff

I'd find myself more interesting if I weren't with me all the time. — Dov Davidoff

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it. — Dov Davidoff

I've decided to hire a 'food taster', not because I think anyone is trying to kill me, but because I want to make sure it's not to salty. — Dov Davidoff

You're pregnant? Congratulations, the world needs another mindless, semiliterate consumer. — Dov Davidoff

If you spend a lot of time shopping for athletic clothes, you may want to consider spending less time thinking about high school. — Dov Davidoff

Standup comedy is fun. I mean other than having to experience the excruciating lonlieness and unacknowledged sadness that results in funny. — Dov Davidoff

If procrastination were a marketable skill, I'd be a real hot commodity. — Dov Davidoff

I like shitty strip clubs. They look like what they are. I know what to expect. Unlike Congress, at least we know everybody is for sale. — Dov Davidoff

People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat. — Dov Davidoff

Maybe necrophiliacs are just people that want to have sex without a lot of talking. — Dov Davidoff

I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself. — Dov Davidoff

Quality thoughts will turn their back on you if you don't treat them with respect. — Dov Davidoff

I'm endlessly amazed by what people are capable of, and incapable of. — Dov Davidoff

Misery loves company which is ironic because it rarely throws dinner parties. — Dov Davidoff

If no-eye contact sex were a sport, I'm not saying I'd make it to the Olympics, but I like my chances. — Dov Davidoff

My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish. — Dov Davidoff

Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, this is going to hurt me more than it will you. — Dov Davidoff

Is it a bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend makes you say things like, Satan is a myth ... I guess. — Dov Davidoff

When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with listen up doll face. — Dov Davidoff

Gay men greet each other just like straight guys do ... If one of the straight guys saved the other one's life. — Dov Davidoff

There are few places more lonely than a crowded night club. — Dov Davidoff

A lot of people in a LA need to take a break from taking a break. — Dov Davidoff

I'd like to expand the definition of the word 'success' to include 'failure' as the one seems inseparable from the other. — Dov Davidoff

Being homeless is awful, but if you've ever tried to wrestle a duvet cover back onto a comforter you realise it's not without it's benefits. — Dov Davidoff

I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out. — Dov Davidoff

We should create a holiday that celebrates money for what it is, essentially worthless paper, upon which we agree to pretend it has value. — Dov Davidoff

When cornered, a rattle snake can become so angry it's been known to bite itself, which is exactly how I feel in traffic and relationships. — Dov Davidoff

Brain damage and stupidity are very different things, but can have similar effects on the wearer. — Dov Davidoff

When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I know, they don't always like that. — Dov Davidoff

Stop thanking god for your parking spot. He had nothing to do with it, and if he did, I want nothing to do with him. — Dov Davidoff

I have a sneaking suspicion that leading an examined life and being really tan aren't consistent with one another. — Dov Davidoff

My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle. — Dov Davidoff

When maintaining a relationship means diminishing your self, it's time to walk. — Dov Davidoff

You think you have anger issues? I just yelled at a sandwich. Not kidding. — Dov Davidoff

I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house. — Dov Davidoff

Parenthood seems really rewarding ... like martyrdom, but without the glamour. — Dov Davidoff

The language of love may be universal, but it's not one of the options on an ATM machine. — Dov Davidoff

If I were a gynecologist, I'd say things like, Okay, enough of the small talk. Let's check under the hood. — Dov Davidoff

Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It's like a tattoo that yells at you. — Dov Davidoff

Cities with a black middle class provide the narrow minded an opportunity to realize that cultural differences are largely economic. — Dov Davidoff

Anyone who says I would never hit a woman hasn't met my x girlfriend. — Dov Davidoff

If you carry a paperback book in your back pocket, but spend more time on your hair than you do reading it, you're probably a bad actor. — Dov Davidoff

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary. — Dov Davidoff

Headphone aren't big enough these days. Why not just throw a couple of stereo speakers in a full face motorcycle helmet. — Dov Davidoff

Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness? — Dov Davidoff

Trannies dress up like women, then try to bang straight guys. They're the adrenaline junkies of gayness. — Dov Davidoff

All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully. — Dov Davidoff

The more I get to know people, the less I know about people. — Dov Davidoff

Homemade' sounds much better when not referring to tattoos. — Dov Davidoff

The worst part about people with bad personalities is they don't know it. — Dov Davidoff

Coming to terms with my feelings of worthlessness isn't always a bad time, but it's rarely a good one. — Dov Davidoff

Water polo would be much more interesting if they hadn't gotten rid of the horses. — Dov Davidoff

I've decided to retreat to the spirit world where I feel appreciated and understood. — Dov Davidoff

I wish that every other guy were gay. Think about the leverage that would create in your relationship. — Dov Davidoff

I'm passionate about gay rights, but I think we need admit that there are some gay wrongs as well. — Dov Davidoff

If you got it, flaunt it may be decent advice for prostitutes, but no one else. — Dov Davidoff

I wish I could be attracted to unattractive women. They're just more interesting. — Dov Davidoff

Saying, have a great work-out is like saying, I hope you pull something. — Dov Davidoff

Whenever I'm around people it causes me to feel nostalgic for the loneliness that drove me into their presence in the first place. — Dov Davidoff

I'd like you much better if you didn't like yourself so much. — Dov Davidoff

I'm pretty happy for someone who struggles with happiness. — Dov Davidoff

I think you have a lot to offer ... not necessarily as a person, but as an organ donor. — Dov Davidoff

Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice to know the option is there. — Dov Davidoff

Space and time are figments of you're imagination, unless the guy you're flying next to won't shut up. — Dov Davidoff

The expectation of happiness creates a lot of unhappiness. — Dov Davidoff

Every time I see someone taking care of a baby, I think why in the world would anyone willingly saddle themselves with that responsibility? — Dov Davidoff