Doug Benson Quotes: top 31 famous quotes about Doug Benson

Doug Benson Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Doug Benson quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Doug Benson Quotes By Doug Benson: Rappers should be forced to rhyme in their

Rappers should be forced to rhyme in their acceptance speeches. — Doug Benson

Doug Benson Quotes By Doug Benson: Even if you are 18, my advice to

Even if you are 18, my advice to you is: plan for your future. — Doug Benson

Doug Benson Quotes By Doug Benson: It's easier to do comedy with an audience,

It's easier to do comedy with an audience, because their reactions tell you whether or not what your saying qualifies as comedy. — Doug Benson

Doug Benson Quotes By Doug Benson: Why would any woman agree to be on

Why would any woman agree to be on a show called Bridezillas? It's not like men would agree to be on Douchegroom. — Doug Benson

Doug Benson Quotes By Doug Benson: A friend is someone I complain to about

A friend is someone I complain to about my other friends. — Doug Benson

Doug Benson Quotes By Doug Benson: I like to go see a ball game.

I like to go see a ball game. I'll have seven, eight, nine - 10 beers, and the second inning will roll around, and I gotta go. — Doug Benson

Doug Benson Quotes By Doug Benson: Everyone wants to look good in photographs, even

Everyone wants to look good in photographs, even us trolls who tell jokes. — Doug Benson

Doug Benson Quotes By Doug Benson: The thing is girls will always say you're

The thing is girls will always say you're lying when you say you had sex with them when you're lying about having sex with them. — Doug Benson

Doug Benson Quotes By Doug Benson: Smoking pot makes people talk for long periods

Smoking pot makes people talk for long periods of time, for instance, so people who advocate pot won't shut the hell up about it. — Doug Benson

Doug Benson Quotes By Doug Benson: J-Lo finally married into her own music genre.

J-Lo finally married into her own music genre. Crappy music. — Doug Benson

Doug Benson Quotes By Doug Benson: We don't want any pot-smoking vaginas because that's

We don't want any pot-smoking vaginas because that's disgusting. And I saw it once in Indonesia, and I've never been able to get it out of my head. — Doug Benson

Doug Benson Quotes By Doug Benson: In Seattle, they have a saying: 'If you

In Seattle, they have a saying: 'If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes and then shoot yourself in the face.' — Doug Benson

Doug Benson Quotes By Doug Benson: Marijuana: why forget something tomorrow when you can

Marijuana: why forget something tomorrow when you can forget it today? — Doug Benson

Doug Benson Quotes By Doug Benson: A message to parents who think legalizing weed

A message to parents who think legalizing weed will make their kids want to try it: they will anyway. — Doug Benson

Doug Benson Quotes By Doug Benson: Any comedic entertainment is better when you get

Any comedic entertainment is better when you get high. — Doug Benson

Doug Benson Quotes By Doug Benson: I just broke up with my girlfriend because

I just broke up with my girlfriend because I caught her lying. Under another man. — Doug Benson

Doug Benson Quotes By Doug Benson: If someone wants to make a joke about

If someone wants to make a joke about me smoking too much pot, I'm not going to get mad at them, because I've put it out there that that's what I do. — Doug Benson

Doug Benson Quotes By Doug Benson: Einstein used science to get laid. That guy

Einstein used science to get laid. That guy is a genius. I've been using money. — Doug Benson

Doug Benson Quotes By Doug Benson: P. Diddy's gonna be exhausted, you know, running

P. Diddy's gonna be exhausted, you know, running with the Olympic torch in one hand and the torch he'll always carry for J-Lo in the other. — Doug Benson

Doug Benson Quotes By Doug Benson: I used to make love to Green Day's

I used to make love to Green Day's music. But 9 minutes? I'm not Superman. — Doug Benson

Doug Benson Quotes By Doug Benson: You know you drank too much the night

You know you drank too much the night before when you wake up with crop circles in your pubes. — Doug Benson

Doug Benson Quotes By Doug Benson: Big deal ... the only cats that don't

Big deal ... the only cats that don't have three legs are the ones with two through zero legs. — Doug Benson

Doug Benson Quotes By Doug Benson: The great thing about being up early on

The great thing about being up early on a Sunday is nothing. — Doug Benson

Doug Benson Quotes By Doug Benson: LL Cool J should be the spokesman for

LL Cool J should be the spokesman for a line of pajamas called Ladies Love Cool Jammies. — Doug Benson

Doug Benson Quotes By Doug Benson: I know there's a lot of nasty humor

I know there's a lot of nasty humor directed at celebrities, but my feeling is, in most cases, they deserve it. — Doug Benson

Doug Benson Quotes By Doug Benson: I started doing pot jokes, and I noticed

I started doing pot jokes, and I noticed that audiences invariably love pot jokes. Even people who don't smoke pot think it's a funny subject. — Doug Benson

Doug Benson Quotes By Doug Benson: Stand-up is a very scary, very solitary profession,

Stand-up is a very scary, very solitary profession, but you have to experience it to figure out if it's right for you. — Doug Benson

Doug Benson Quotes By Doug Benson: Do you get a nice monthly check from

Do you get a nice monthly check from the government for dwelling on things? — Doug Benson

Doug Benson Quotes By Doug Benson: Willem Dafoe is a shithead.

Willem Dafoe is a shithead. — Doug Benson

Doug Benson Quotes By Doug Benson: I made some jokes about weed, got some

I made some jokes about weed, got some laughs, made some more jokes, got some more laughs; next thing you know, I'm telling a lot of jokes about it. — Doug Benson

Doug Benson Quotes By Doug Benson: The whole pot-to-alcohol thing is a huge issue

The whole pot-to-alcohol thing is a huge issue with me, because I've grown to hate drunks so much, and like potheads. — Doug Benson