Doug Benson Quotes: top 31 famous quotes about Doug Benson

Doug Benson Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Doug Benson quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Rappers should be forced to rhyme in their acceptance speeches. — Doug Benson

Even if you are 18, my advice to you is: plan for your future. — Doug Benson

It's easier to do comedy with an audience, because their reactions tell you whether or not what your saying qualifies as comedy. — Doug Benson

Why would any woman agree to be on a show called Bridezillas? It's not like men would agree to be on Douchegroom. — Doug Benson

A friend is someone I complain to about my other friends. — Doug Benson

I like to go see a ball game. I'll have seven, eight, nine - 10 beers, and the second inning will roll around, and I gotta go. — Doug Benson

Everyone wants to look good in photographs, even us trolls who tell jokes. — Doug Benson

The thing is girls will always say you're lying when you say you had sex with them when you're lying about having sex with them. — Doug Benson

Smoking pot makes people talk for long periods of time, for instance, so people who advocate pot won't shut the hell up about it. — Doug Benson

J-Lo finally married into her own music genre. Crappy music. — Doug Benson

We don't want any pot-smoking vaginas because that's disgusting. And I saw it once in Indonesia, and I've never been able to get it out of my head. — Doug Benson

In Seattle, they have a saying: 'If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes and then shoot yourself in the face.' — Doug Benson

Marijuana: why forget something tomorrow when you can forget it today? — Doug Benson

A message to parents who think legalizing weed will make their kids want to try it: they will anyway. — Doug Benson

Any comedic entertainment is better when you get high. — Doug Benson

I just broke up with my girlfriend because I caught her lying. Under another man. — Doug Benson

If someone wants to make a joke about me smoking too much pot, I'm not going to get mad at them, because I've put it out there that that's what I do. — Doug Benson

Einstein used science to get laid. That guy is a genius. I've been using money. — Doug Benson

P. Diddy's gonna be exhausted, you know, running with the Olympic torch in one hand and the torch he'll always carry for J-Lo in the other. — Doug Benson

I used to make love to Green Day's music. But 9 minutes? I'm not Superman. — Doug Benson

You know you drank too much the night before when you wake up with crop circles in your pubes. — Doug Benson

Big deal ... the only cats that don't have three legs are the ones with two through zero legs. — Doug Benson

The great thing about being up early on a Sunday is nothing. — Doug Benson

LL Cool J should be the spokesman for a line of pajamas called Ladies Love Cool Jammies. — Doug Benson

I know there's a lot of nasty humor directed at celebrities, but my feeling is, in most cases, they deserve it. — Doug Benson

I started doing pot jokes, and I noticed that audiences invariably love pot jokes. Even people who don't smoke pot think it's a funny subject. — Doug Benson

Stand-up is a very scary, very solitary profession, but you have to experience it to figure out if it's right for you. — Doug Benson

Do you get a nice monthly check from the government for dwelling on things? — Doug Benson

Willem Dafoe is a shithead. — Doug Benson

I made some jokes about weed, got some laughs, made some more jokes, got some more laughs; next thing you know, I'm telling a lot of jokes about it. — Doug Benson

The whole pot-to-alcohol thing is a huge issue with me, because I've grown to hate drunks so much, and like potheads. — Doug Benson