Dog Humor Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Dog Humor

Dog Humor Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Dog Humor quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

If they let me choose between you and the dog, I'll choose the dog. — Johnny Depp

I have a feeling we're mooning a mean junkyard dog, all brave and laughing - until the dog's leash breaks — Kevin J. Anderson

You want a friend in this city? [Washington, DC.] Get a dog! — Harry Truman

Ears back, tail up! I got to show off the white tip on the end of my tail. It's the flag that all Shelties are proud of. — Sheron Long

You put your money in the machine, and out comes a hot dog, all without the Illuminati or Big Brother orchestrating the whole thing. — Daniel Higginbotham

When a cat goes to the bathroom I look away in embarrassment; when a dog goes to the bathroom I look on with encouragement. — Gregor Collins

I like the pooch. When I've had a dog's snout in my mouth, we tend to develop a special bond. — Randy Quarles

She whipped her tentacles away from his fingers decapitating the dead lobster-dog and its body fell from the ceiling fan. — Athena Villaverde

Holt did nothing of the sort. He wasn't the 'obeying' kind of dog. — Kellyn Roth

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog. — Ambrose Bierce

My sister wanted a cat for a pet ... I wanted a dog, so they bought a cat and taught it to bark. — Chic Murray

My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed. — Tommy Cooper

A dog is one of the few remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk. — Jack Canfield

Great. The part of the lovable dog will be played by Cody the Wolf. - Cody Forester, Werewolf Asylum — Roxanne Smolen

I'm convinced that petting a puppy is good luck. — Meg Donohue

Jamal stared at the dog in his arms. Why I am I holding a dog full of angels? — Diana Wynne Jones

When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you. — Nora Ephron

I'd trade every last one of you for a moment's peace and a dog that didn't P on the carpet — Lois Greiman

There's no such thing as a bad dog, just a bad owner. — John Grogan

If people can be convinced to pick up dog sh*t, who knows what social change is possible? — Franke James

One has not lived until one has carried a sixty-pound dog down a sweeping flight of stairs at half-past V in the morning. — Connie Willis

Etiquette, or dog in the original Coptic, means behaving yourself a little better than is absolutely essential. — Will Cuppy

Do you know what happens when you play a country song backwards? You get your wife back, your dog back and your job back. — Richard Belzer

Dog diggity Cedric Diggory - you are a doggy dynamo. — J.K. Rowling

I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died." — Tommy Cooper

Oh come on. You treat her like a Greek goddess and act like a lap dog around her. It is embarrassing. — Wesley Chu

Sometimes it's nice to have a man around the house. But a dog will clean the dishes. — Lois Greiman

The person who thinks dogs can't talk doesn't want to learn a second language. — Mark Winik

The French have the right respect for dogs
in France we chiens get to go to lunch and dinner anytime, anywhere. — Sheron Long

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. — Groucho Marx

I spilled spot remover on my dog; now he's gone. — Steven Wright

America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair. — Arnold Joseph Toynbee

When I came out of anesthesia, I wanted two things: my husband and my dog. They wouldn't let the dog in the recovery room. — Sandy Nathan

Don't get mad about the infestation of fleas if you keep shopping at the dog pound. — Valerie J. Lewis Coleman

Said Buddha to the hot dog vendor, make me one with everything. — New York Magazine

Life is not complete without a dog — Max Sherman

You leave me tied up like a dog? Then you had better remember that this bitch bites! — Kresley Cole

Every dog has it's day, unless he loses his tail, then he has a weakend. — June Carter Cash

Werewolves? Oh please, just plain stupid. Who wants to get it on with a man ruled by his inner dog? — Karen Marie Moning

If you need help bark like a dog." - Gendry.
"That's stupid. If I need help I'll shout help." - Arya — George R R Martin

Privilege: the belief that because a dog has been carefully trained not to bite YOUR ass, that is has no teeth. — Arinn Dembo

I am not a cat man, but a dog man, and all felines can tell this at a glance - a sharp, vindictive glance.
— James Thurber

Duct tape can't fix stupid," Bas growled. "Maybe not," Red replied, "but it can hold it down and muffled the screams. — T. Hammond

maybe somebody finally shot the dog. — Dave Barry

Fall in love with a dog's bum,
And thou'll think it pretty as a plum. — Marcel Proust

When you walk a dog on a short leash, she's close enough to bite you. — Ilona Andrews

Dog's constipated," said Bert the Shirt.

"Who isn't?" said the Godfather. — Laurence Shames

You're such a big liar you gotta get your neighbor to call your dog. — Garrison Keillor

Bitch, you are SO lucky you didn't try to eat my dog. — Jeaniene Frost

You never realize a dog is a man's best friend until you start betting on horses. — Karel Capek

You could shove it up your ass and pretend you're a corn dog.
COURTESY VIOLATION-RESPONSE MUTED-VIOLATION LOGGED — Ernest Cline

Don't make a feller wait too long. A feller waiting on a gal can get ornery'er than a huntin' dog that's tree'd it's squirrel. — Colleen Houck

No the cat we had to leave. It was not Protestant. But the dog, seeing no future for the Reformed Religion in France, was happy enough to go. — Judith Merkle Riley

What a goon, except it really is funny, me trying to sneeze a hot dog through my nose, and we're both laughing like total morons. — Rodman Philbrick

The room looks as if a giant dog after a large lunch of food, socks, paints, trousers and pencils, walked into that room and vomited everywhere. — Barbara Kingsolver

There are as many ways to discover your story as there are to trip over a dog in the kitchen--and some of them feel about as planned. — Jeffrey A. Carver

It's hard not to immediately fall in love witha dog who has a good sense of humor. — Kate DiCamillo

I believe I'm done for," said Tom. "The cussed sneaking dog, to leave me to die alone! My poor old mother always told me 'twould be so. — Harriet Beecher Stowe

I named my dog Stay, so I can say, 'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay! — Steven Wright

Y'know when your dog drags its butt across the carpet leaving a stain- It's not as easy as it looks ... " — Josh Stern

Holy crap, you are like a dog with a bone," I commented to Ryan.
"Or just one with a boner. — Stacey Marie Brown

If you were up to your neck in cat vomit and someone threw dog poop at you would you duck? — Joel Samaha

Mrs. Chandler shouted after us, And I hope that was all-natural food coloring you put on my dog! — Lisa Lutz

I confronted the fact that I was not only talking to a dog, but answering for one. — Claire Cook

There was a note of humor in his tone when he replied, "Mad Dog Max. — L.A. Fiore

Come humans, fulfill your evolutionary purpose adn build your hound a fire. Oberon — Kevin Hearne

How come dog and dog owner are so alike? — Hiroko Sakai

By gad, is that you, Ainswood? I haven't seen you in a dog's age. How's the gout? Still troubling you? — Loretta Chase

We all know I'm marrying you, as soon as you get over your thing with dog tags and realize a stethoscope is way sexier, anyway. - Tanner — Kandi Steiner

Are you a female dog?"
"What?" Massie asked. "Why?"
"Because you are acting like a real bitch! — Lisi Harrison

If you enjoy sticking a straw in a dog's ear, don't sit next to the pooch with a milkshake. — Alan Rogers

You set fire to my house, killed my family, and ate my dog. But steal my boyfriend? That's a step too far. — Libba Bray

If you never leave me, I won't eat your stuff. - Belle, Dog Only Knows — Terry Kaye

You can talk to a dog all day long, but he's just looking at you and thinking, 'Where's the ball? — Mike Meyers

Some people are so positive, that when they slip in dog poop, they pirouette — Josh Stern

He was always eating things of hers. Clothing, books, family heirlooms. — Kellyn Roth

I am his Highness' dog at Kew;
Pray tell me, sir, whose dog are you? — Alexander Pope

I once heard a tobacco-chewing hog farmer say that, in Iowa, folks like to spread out their children like dog shit on a dance floor. — Andrew Smith

When a man's dog turns against hime, it is time for his wife to pack her trunk and go home to mamma. — Mark Twain

I'm a dog lover and sex addict. Those two things are unrelated. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Dog enough not to be human, human enough to be a pet — Rosemary J. Kind

I opened my eyes to find a fuzzy face staring into mine. I laughed and scratched Boomer's head. "Your dog is a pervert, he watched the whole thing. — E.M. Denning

They say every dog has its day, Ganapathi, but for this terrier twilight came before tea-time. — Shashi Tharoor

My most insightful comments have been forgotten while letting a whining dog out the door. — Jael Turner

When a boy's first romantic interlude is with Phoebe the Dog-Faced Girl, he feels a need to get out into the world and find a new life. — Annette Curtis Klause

As an author I'm in my head all day and I worry that I lose touch with reality. But then my dog pees on my shoe and I know I've found it again. — Michelle M. Pillow

Dressed in their red suits and fake beards, they rang their bells like they were going for dog-spit gold at the Pavlov Olympics. — Christopher Moore

I was walking Shirley and-you know how Shirley is an idiot?" I asked him.
"Sure. — Sara Massa

The pug is living proof that God has a sense of humor. — Margo Kaufman

Worrying is like a toothless dog gnawing on a bone. — Kathleen Fields

Atty's eyes rested on Darby with all the subtlety of a dog watching his food bowl being filled! — Tricia Murphy

All I did was offer to kill your dog, and the next thing I know I'm being judged. — Tom Upton

My dog of 17 years just died. Oh you're kidding? ... Noooo ... as funny as that is, I'm not — Ellen DeGeneres

I am a believer in free will. If my dog chooses to hate the whole human race except myself, it must be free to do so. — Diana Wynne Jones

Meow says the cat ,quack says the duck , Bow wow wow says the dog !
Grrrr! — Charles Dickens

Keep treating me like a damn dog, Cush, and I'll bite you .. - Elora — Quinn Loftis

Some women run with wolves, but the majority would be much happier with your basic lap dog. — Paula Wall

Dumb dog. I bought a dog whistle. He won't use it. — Karel Capek

The simplest strategy for bouts of noxious flatus is to not care. Or perhaps to take advantage of a gastroenterologist I know: get a dog. (To blame.) — Mary Roach

I always like a dog so long as he isn't spelled backward. — G.K. Chesterton