Day Funny Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Day Funny

Day Funny Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Day Funny quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Maybe I think you're cute and funny. Maybe I wanna do what bunnies do with you, if you know what I mean. — Ingrid Michaelson

The first day one is a guest, the second a burden, and the third a pest. — Jean De La Bruyere

As I may or may not say to the Lord on Judgment Day, "You ask a lot of questions for someone who has so much explaining to do" — Robert Breault

Being funny wasn't a career choice growing up, it was my way out of situations; a way to survive another day. — Tracy Morgan

One fall day in Boston, a tall mechanical engineering student named Joe entered the student union at Harvard University. He was all ambition and acne — Dan Ariely

I think it would be difficult to get drunk in China. I tried to drink some beer with chop sticks and it took me a whole day to finish one can. — Jerry Snider

Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.' — Adam Ferrara

Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose you more money than any single person in your life, with the possible exception of your kids — Harvey MacKay

Parenthood is the passing of a baton, followed by a lifelong disagreement as to who dropped it. — Robert Breault

My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away! — Rodney Dangerfield

Christmas without a murder plot is like a day without giant spiders eaten orphans" (quote on my special gift holiday mugs) — Roma Gray

Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we'd be here every freakin' day. — Ed Bernard

Does anyone else day dream about what it would be like if specific age groups just dropped dead all across the world? — Christy Leigh Stewart

The doctor's wife ate two apples a day, just to be safe. But her husband kept coming home. — Joseph Gordon-Levitt

1st Valentine's Day: 200,000 BC men and women congregate on opposite sides of Pangaea, waiting for someone to make the first move. — Kristen Schaal

From day one, I've been prepared
With vo5 wax for my ginger hair. — Ed Sheeran

I wonder what chairs think about all day: "Oh, here comes another asshole." — Robin Williams

I laugh every day. There are days when my laughs are pretty hollow. Dust comes out of your mouth, and your bones make a funny sound. But I'm laughing. — James L. Brooks

I saw 28 Days. I don't remember rehab being like a day camp or being that funny. Rehab is a dumping ground. It's a big landfill. — Charlie Sheen

On this special Fathers Day, we'd like to wish all of you a very Happy Birthday. — Ralph Kiner

It's in our own lives, every single day, whether we recognize it as funny at the moment or not. — Sean Astin

I feel like every day of my life is a funny wardrobe malfunction! — Nikki Reed

You should never protest outside a rich guy's home during the day because he's not there. He's at work grinding the faces of the poor. — Craig Ferguson

One day in the shower, you figure it out. It's a special day in a man's life. I was like, 'Oh, I found me a hobby.' — Adam Ferrara

Love has the power of making you believe what you would normally treat with the deepest suspicion. — Honore Gabriel Riqueti, Comte De Mirabeau

I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do. — Will Rogers

If I don't have anything to do all day, I might not even put my pants on. — Jennifer Lawrence

Every dogma has its day. — Anthony Burgess

The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it. — Tim Vine

You have to change those diapers every day. When those directions on the side of the Pampers box say, 'holds 6-12 pounds' they're not kidding! — Jeff Foxworthy

I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort. — Zach Galifianakis

I occasionally laugh and tell him that his imperturbability is worth three hundred milligrams of lithium a day to me, and it is probably true. — Kay Redfield Jamison

Want to enjoy an restful day? Wake up, turn your phone on, meditate, look at the sky - then toss your phone into the bushes. — Waylon H. Lewis

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. — Albert Einstein

Love is just a chocolate substitute. — Melanie Clark Pullen

On Thanksgiving Day we acknowledge our dependence. — William Jennings Bryan

One day instead the old woman said kind words to her and gave her an awning on a stick to keep rain off (there has been much rain in purgatorium) — Ali Smith

I loved being in the room with Mamet as a director - he is the most generous, funny, delightful person to work for every day. — Richard Thomas

Valentine's day without your love is like a year without the Internet. — Santosh Kalwar

I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming. — Demetri Martin

I did. I did see Bigfoot when I was a kid and I still believe it to this day. I saw a big furry man outside my window. It's not funny! It was real. — Barry Watson

That old funny-shaped bit of wood is still staring me in the face every day saying 'come on, you haven't started yet!' It's infinite. — Jeff Beck

Isn't it funny how the slightest glance or the tiniest touch can ameliorate the discomforts of even the coldest day. — Patrick Stevens

I moved into an all-electric house. I forgot and left the porch light on all day. When I got home the front door wouldn't open. — Steven Wright

To say my day was not going well, would be like saying the French Revolution had been a bit troublesome for Marie Antoinette. — Nichole Chase

Valentine's Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don't have a special someone, you're alone. — Lewis Black

I recently bought a cat, but took it back a day later because our personalities clashed. — David Mitchell

True charity ought to begin in marriage, for it is a relationship that must be rebuilt every day. — James E. Faust

I'm as poor as a church mouse, that's just had an enormous tax bill on the very day his wife ran off with another mouse, taking all the cheese. — Rowan Atkinson

Whenever I'm running an hour late for for work, it always makes me feel better when I can leave an hour early at the end of the day to make up for it. — Mark W. Boyer

My grandfather's a little forgetful, but he likes to give me advice. One day, he took me aside and left me there. — Ron Richards

It's a sad day when a woman being funny and interested in science is considered newsworthy. — Elise Andrew

Don't go there Rule" Lawe warned him softly. " I don't think your horoscope declared today to be a good day to die. — Lora Leigh

Day drag." Ashley answered simply. "The sun turns vampires into dust and drag queens into this." He motioned with his hand down his body. — Kyle Adams

Turns out you have a really fun time if you go to work every day and focus on being silly and funny and happy! — Hannah Murray

Today, folks, should be all about love. Unless you're old. — Stephen Colbert

Christ, they'd be getting a cat next. He mentally recoiled from the idea: the day they did that, he'd cut off his dick and call himself a lesbian. — Kate Aaron

The funny thing about the boy who gave away his loaves and fish is that he, too, ended the day with a full stomach. — Mark Hart

When nobody practices what they strongly believe in, that day will be a triumph of prudence. — Bauvard

WHY did she do this? She was a terrible drunk texter. All the things she wanted to say to people during the day came out at night, like a vampire. — Harriet Evans

No, it's fine. I know you're late. Maybe we can talk tomorrow, but I'm going to be in and out all day."
"That's what he said," she purred. — Dannika Dark

My own brother calling me a brickhead. Sneering faeries insulting me. Women punching me in the face. How much more am I to swallow in one bloody day? — Nora Roberts

Oh! That was poetry!" said Pippin. "Do you really mean to start before the break of day? — J.R.R. Tolkien

Judging by everyone's excitement, this day will always be remembered at the loading dock as the day 'Larry made it on the internet'. — Brandon Stanton

Life isn't over until you're dead. Another ultra-positive, ultra-motivational tweet to improve your day. You're welcome. — Carla H. Krueger

Some of those more out-there jokes were written in the wee hours of the morning. Somehow, they remained funny the next day. — Seth MacFarlane

If you're funny, if there's something that makes you laugh, then every day's going to be okay. — Tom Hanks

I love Valentine's Day. When you're a kid everyone gets a Valentine. It's like 'TO TIM, NICE PANTS, LOVE SCOTT'. It's Valentines galore! — Mike Birbiglia

May the fleas of a thousand camels invade the crotch of the person that ruins your day. And may their arms be to short too scratch — Keisha Keenleyside

It's like they were worried that I'd be alone all day brooding and painting my cabin black or something - sheesh. — Melissa Walker

CONFESSION NO. 18 Girls just want to have fun ... and live to tell about it the next day. — Ronda Thompson

If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the beginning of the day. — H. L. Hunt

You put cow dung on my face?' 'Every day religiously until you were three. Why else do you think your skin is so clear? — Renita D'Silva

Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes. — Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach

My computer made a funny sound the other day. Of course, I've never heard it get thrown out a window before. — Various

I had a funny feeling that day, all day: something about how much I liked my life and where I was with it. — John Darnielle

Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th. — David Letterman

For fifteen cents a day you can feed an African, they eat pennies. — Bo Burnham

As fathers commonly go, it is seldom a misfortune to be fatherless; and considering the general run of sons, as seldom a misfortune to be childless. — Lord Chesterfield

Wakin' up to find another day. The moon got lost again last night, but now the sun has finally had its say. — Gwen Stefani

Life can be dramatic and funny all in the same day. — Jennifer Aniston

Thought for the day: Twitter ... 140 character limit ... must be a great tool for fortune cookie writers ... — E.A. Bucchianeri

Sunday is Senior Citizens' Day. And if you want to become a senior citizen, just call the Padre ticket office. — Jerry Coleman

When you live in a city, as I do, where violence is really in the streets, and people die every day, there's nothing funny about it. — Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu

But we don't do things like that!" said Vimes. "You can't go around arresting the Thieves' Guild. I mean, we'd be at it all day! — Terry Pratchett

I think maybe to survive, I mean to just get through the day - I'm not saying that everything is hilariously funny. — Roz Chast

It's funny how people who we fight with the most at the end of day are the ones that really got your back. — Jasmine V

I took a lie detector test the other day. No, I didn't. — Steven Wright

It's funny being the big news every day - and the good news every day. — Charlie Adam

It's funny how things change slowly, until the day we realize they've changed completely. — Nancy Gibbs

I love Ice Cube and Charlie Day. They're brilliant men, great actors and very funny people. — Tracy Morgan

This is very ambitious, but I don't care. I'm just gonna go ahead and find Amelia Earhart. Every day that goes by, I just fear the worst for her. — Kristen Schaal

There's no such thing as a good tax. — Winston Churchill

Guide dogs for the blind. It's cruel really, isn't it? Getting a dog to lead a man round all day. Not fair on either of them. — Steve Coogan

What smells good may not always taste good, I leaned this the day I tried to eat a scented candle. — Kenny D. Eichenberg

I've met a lot of jazz musicians in my day, and they're all funny. — Tommy Chong

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
No one's immune to bribery. — Joanne Harris

I took 'P.S. I Love You' thinking it was going to be a little funny, and I ended up crying every day on that film. — Hilary Swank

My dog hasn't said a word all day, he must have a lot on his mind — Seth Czerepak

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.' But eating too many, is quite enough-plenty. And you'll have to go see the good doc anyway. — Solange Nicole