Cop Humor Quotes: top 54 famous quotes about Cop Humor

Cop Humor Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Cop Humor quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

I'm still convinced you're doing my GTO, you bastard. — J.R. Ward

What's proper workplace etiquette for picking up computer and tossing out window? Open window first or break glass? — Abigail Roux

He's cutting off circulation to my balls! If you want great grandchildren, woman, do something! Joshua sputtered — R.L. Mathewson

As you know, I don't believe in fear, just an invention by men so they get all the money and good jobs ... — Marian Keyes

Don't threaten me with a good time. — Michael Anthony

I miss my suits... — Eoin Colfer

I thought you guys were doing some kind of secret role-playing shit. — M.D. Saperstein

When the world is mine, then you all will be the 99.9%. — Scott Jonathan Nixon

I don't even want to know someone who isn't barely hanging on by a thread. — Amy Schumer

We seemed to be trapped in an episode of One Life To Waste. It's all very dull. — Cassandra Clare

Then what are you? An electronic Hannibal Lector? You can't eat my liver with fava beans through a modem, you know. — Dean Koontz

Eve "I shopped,"she said
Roarke "Dear God! Are you all right? Should I call for the MTs?"
Eve "Smartass. — J.D. Robb

A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run. — Dennis Miller

Yeah. You know what I think?"
What?"
So intense was Tibby, she had practically shoved the phone into her ear cavity.
She has big boobies. — Ann Brashares

Silly cop, I don't need your help; I have a werewolf on retainer. — Kevin Hearne

I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.' — Steven Wright

-"He loved her ... It was noble of him. It was beautiful."
-"It was stupid. — Lloyd Alexander

Culver is a language magnet school. What it's mainly a magnet for, if you want to know the truth, is nerds. — Dave Barry

Did you hear that! Yuki, the heartless Yuki! Heartless Yuki has begged me with tears to let him visit my shop! — Natsuki Takaya

I know they say that a stiff dick has no conscience, but I tell you now that some cunts have teeth ... — Stephen King

A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?" "No" says the cop. "What about all these other cars?" "They didn't ask!" — Henny Youngman

I'd rather hug Magic Johnson after he rolled around in barbed wire. — Jim Norton

I think it needs work. Like all your other songs."
"Yeah, well, your face will need some work after I give you a good beatin'. — Kami Garcia

Don't Tase Me Bro!
If I'm a cop, and I'm a brotha, and they let me have a taser? Sorry bro, I'm tasing you. — Larry Wilmore

I'm LEP. A captain. No rent-a-cop gnome is going to stand in the way of my orders. — Eoin Colfer

I've noticed that when people are joking they're usually dead serious, and when they're serious, they're usually pretty funny. — Jim Morrison

If you're going to hit a car, try to be sure that it's not a cop car — Judy Gold

You're a cop. I need a doughnut. — Jim Butcher

G.I. humor is similar to cop humor. — Nelson DeMille

The best car safety device is a rear view mirror with a cop in it. — Dudley Moore

I liked you, cop. From the moment I met you. No ... not the first moment. I wanted to kill you when I first met you. But then I liked you. A lot. — J.R. Ward

If you hear a different drummer, don't march - dance! — Carolyn V. Hamilton

I was hoping against hope he'd refill his Prozac so we could be in love again, but, sadly, that never happened. — Piper Faust

His lips look like two worms fucking. — George R R Martin

When the boogie man goes to sleep he checks his closet for me — Chuck Norris

Humor is the pensiveness of wit. — Robert Aris Willmott

B, hows your aim? — Quinn Loftis

Apparently it takes, like, forty-seven muscles to frown. Flippin' the bird' s a hell of a lot easier. — Lois Greiman

Did they look like psychos? They were vampires. Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them - I don't give a fuck how crazy they are! — Seth Gecko

Luck is merely a product of the happily delusional mind. — Lois Greiman

Humanity's a nice place to visit, but you wouldn't want to live there. — Terry Pratchett

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning, and you think you are an onion, this is your car, (about the BMW X3). — Jeremy Clarkson

[ ... ] whose round face was a sad pink and white topographical map of adolescence. — John L. Parker Jr.

The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience. — Arthur Schopenhauer

Out of the way! We are in the throes of an exceptional emergency! This is no occassion for sport- there is lace at stake! (Ms. Pole) — Elizabeth Gaskell

Sorry, maybe this is the head injury talking, but ... what? — Stacey Kade

Southern hospitality and Amish cooking - Ya'll Come Back, Danki. — Karen Harper

I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals, I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants. — A. Whitney Brown

I know the fucking Bible, and there ain't no fucking Book of Leviathan. — Dan Simmons

You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm.
It's really funny. — Brandon Sanderson

Deborah's little house was lavishly decorated in I-have-no-life modern. — Jeff Lindsay

Looks like it's game time," Shame said. "Beautiful day for some ass kicking, don't you think? — Devon Monk

Well, how did you die, then?" the old man finally asked.
"Die?" Matthew threw back. "Are you crazy? I'm not dead. I'm just very late. — J. Tonzelli

I'm not sure I've turned your Commander inside out, but I can assure you if that iron skillet was empty, I would bring him down a peg or two. — Julia Mills