Christmas Funny Quotes
Collection of top 39 famous quotes about Christmas Funny
Christmas Funny Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Christmas Funny quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
The door opens with a rusted jingle, and an animatronic Santa insults my moral virtue three times. Ho, ho, ho.
— Kiersten White
For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.
— Rodney Dangerfield
Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.
— Publilius Syrus
We must believe in free will. We have no choice.
— Isaac B. Singer
The only greater [evil] than separation ... [is] living under a government of discretion.
— Thomas Jefferson
All I wanted for Christmas was a New Years Eve party that I would never forget. Too bad I got too drunk to remember it.
— Carroll Bryant
there was no reason why having a high iq would somehow protect you from the vicissitudes of life
— Douglas Preston
What's scary in life is not what people know (or don't know), but what they know that ain't so.
— Satchel Paige
I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin
— Bill Watterson
Is not parody the eternal lot of man?
— Milan Kundera
My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces.
— Anthony Jeselnik
It's funny to think that Christmas - a time known for its joyful togetherness - can be the loneliest time of the year for some.
— Giovanna Fletcher
Your life is a screenplay, you must be the author; direct and make it a success.
— Ifeanyi Enoch Onuoha
What's in that pipe that he's smoking?
— Arlo Guthrie
At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
— Rodney Dangerfield
We have to understand that to rejoice is to do something, not to feel something (p. 44).
— Hayley DiMarco
Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.
— Andy Borowitz
This isn't a Christmas special! This is my life. In the real world, miracles and goodness just don't happen.
— Richelle Mead
Ministry in the twenty-first century will be impacted by the example of the "sons of God.
— David C. Alves
What does Christmas mean if we can't encourage small children to sit on a stranger's lap?
— Ian O'Doherty
Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.
— Andy Borowitz
Snarl must love Christmas as much as me, I decided.
— Rachel Cohn
What is expected tends to be realized.
What you say to yourself about yourself in private is what you become — Marie Lenay Rogus
What you say to yourself about yourself in private is what you become — Marie Lenay Rogus
I am unattached; My heart is very quiet.
— Sylvia Plath
Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew's Birthday.
— Andy Borowitz
Don't send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals, when their cheery effect is needed.
— P. J. O'Rourke
God is Santa Claus for Grown-Ups.
— Oliver Markus
I'm decorating my parents' house for Christmas ... I hope they find my manger with a baby yeezus in it as funny as I do!
— Lisa Lampanelli
It's a Christmas miracle. I had no tree. Now I have a forest.
— Richelle Mead