Christian Humor Quotes: top 57 famous quotes about Christian Humor

Christian Humor Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Christian Humor quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

We did not determine our fate into the world. What we know is we are here in the world. — Lailah Gifty Akita

I am a Christian, you know, Julia.'
So am I. But I'm not above staying out of jail any way I can. — Ann B. Ross

By his provocations to good-natured merriment, a humorist of the first water contributes as much to the sum of happiness as the gravest philosopher. — Christian Nestell Bovee

Thinking sure could get a fellow in a lot of trouble. Almost as much as opening his big gabber and sticking his muddy foot in it. — Gillian Bronte Adams

She just asked me to pick her up some tampons and a Yoo-Hoo." ~Alex Sinclair — Jenny B. Jones

P.S. I also note that you included the Stalker's Anthem "Every Breath You Take" I do enjoy our sense of humor, but does Dr. Flynn know? — E.L. James

If Christ were here there is one thing he would not be - a Christian. — Mark Twain

I'm not a Christian, but I have read his book. — Bill Maher

From Thanksgiving until New Year's Sarah was a Christian by proxy. — Dahlia Schweitzer

You're not celibate, then?" I breathe.
Amusement lights up his eyes.
"No, Anastasia, I'm not celibate. — E.L. James

If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up. — Woody Allen

There is a moment of sheer panic when I realize that Paul's apartment overlooks the park ... and is obviously more expensive than mine. — Patrick Bateman

If you are able to introduce a white person to a new cheese, it's like introducing them to a future spouse. — Christian Lander

I'm too big of a fan of sin and debauchery to be a Christian. — J.C. Wickhart

A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa. — Ricky Gervais

He would have given anything for a tension-breaker-maybe, if he prayed hard enough, the school would catch on fire or something. — Christian M. Frank

I'll try to turn the other cheek....But I've only got two and they're both stinging. — Heather Blanton

There are as many kinds of anger as there are of the sunsets with which they ought to end. — George MacDonald

Saint Bo, a man christened with the miraculous ability to gentle horses, nervous women, and one year olds. — Becky Wade

If you like pray like a praying mantis or fast like a faxing machine, if you have no faith, you are just wasting your time and energy. — Ifeanyi Enoch Onuoha

I glance down his body. He's still wearing his shorts and his shirt, and I still have my T-shirt on. Jeez
talk about wham, bam, thank you ma'am. — E.L. James

I'm a writer. I'm a Christian. I like sex. But I haven't had it. I believe in waiting until marriage. But that doesn't mean I want my characters to. — Michelle N. Onuorah

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. — Billy Sunday

Annabelle was silent for a moment and then sighed, concluding with a shake of her head, 'Jesus wouldn't try to kidnap me.'" p.63 — Ruth Apollonia

Holy shit. What does that mean? Does he white-slave small children to some God-forsaken part of the planet? — E.L. James

For white people, nothing makes them appreciate the gift of life more than voluntarily trying to end it. — Christian Lander

Yes, his ear. I was attracted to his ear. While I was in church. I'm pretty sure that solidifies my position as the weirdest person on the planet. — Amanda Hamm

A girl can dream can't she? My new life plan is to stumble into every office of a CEO until I find a Christian Grey. — Sophie Monroe

I know you're rolling your eyes at me, he murmurs, and I hear the trace of humor in his voice. — E.L. James

You both talk too much," the kid says. "Shut up. Don't make me tell you again."
We shut up, which I find hysterically funny. — Karen Marie Moning

I glared at Christian as the blood smeared around. "You could have at least licked it."
He smirked darkly. "I hear that all too often. — Dannika Dark

Writes very good books; about very bad things. — Christian Cipollini

And with a little sense of humor we can say that there are Christian bats who prefer the shadows to the light of the presence of the Lord. — Pope Francis

Southern hospitality and Amish cooking - Ya'll Come Back, Danki. — Karen Harper

Dammit, Trotter. Don't try to make a stinking Christian out of me. — Katherine Paterson

Christian is staring at us. He's an only child and could never understand the delicate joys of sibling abuse. — Cynthia Hand

Humor is the contemplation of the finite from the point of view of the infinite. — Christian Morgenstern

These days I am a teetotal, mean-spirited, right-wing, narrow-minded, conservative Christian bigot, but not a racist. — Jane Russell

Is it hot in here? I'm sweating like a Christian in science class. — Aaron B. Powell

The naive was only a part of my fairy tales; humor was the real salt in them. — Hans Christian Andersen

You cannot function in an unction you don't take action on. — Ifeanyi Enoch Onuoha

As an anonymous wit is supposed to have put it: Hydrogen is a light, odorless gas which, given enough time, changes into people. — David Christian

I hope I know my own unworthiness, and that I hate and despise myself and all my fellow-creatures as every practicable Christian should. — Charles Dickens

That's ridiculous. Especially the part about Christian being manly. — Richelle Mead

And you call yourself a Christian,' were Hilly's words to me and I thought, God. When did I ever do that? — Kathryn Stockett

Children are lovable and adorable. — Lailah Gifty Akita

Success starts with a Vision — Deborah Elum

The more I know, the more I realize that I don't know much at all ... — Hans Christian Hollenbeck

I'd rather buy clothes then buy a bed — Christian Siriano

I have to return some videotapes — Bret Easton Ellis

Sometimes I had difficulty remembering that "all you can eat" is not a personal challenge. — Marika Christian

I maintain that some Jew wrote it who probably heard about Christian people but never encountered any. — Martin Luther

Death didn't bother me much. Strong Christian and all that. Method of death did. Being eaten alive. One of my top three ways not to go out. — Laurell K. Hamilton

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. — Garrison Keillor

To be a Christian, you must pluck out the eye of reason. — Martin Luther

The fewer moving parts, the better." "Exactly. No truer words were ever spoken in the context of engineering. — Christian Cantrell

John Wesley's own grave holds the bones of many other people, including at least five ministers. One can only imagine the bickering. — Jared Brock