C.w Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about C.w

C.w Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational C.w quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: Set up another case bartender! The best thing

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading

I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.). — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: I've never hit a woman in my life.

I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: It was a marriage of convenience, as my

It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: It ain't what they call you, it's what

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By David Niven: I've taken up the Bible again, somewhat in

I've taken up the Bible again, somewhat in the spirit of W.C. Fields - looking for loopholes. — David Niven

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: Some weasel took the cork out of my

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By C.F.W. Walther: If the teaching of Christ were a law,

If the teaching of Christ were a law, it would not be a gospel {glad tiding}, but a sad tiding. — C.F.W. Walther

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: There are better things than sex, but nothing

There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By C.F.W. Walther: Precision in matters of Christian doctrine is a

Precision in matters of Christian doctrine is a hallmark of confessional Lutheranism, all for the sake of the Gospel. — C.F.W. Walther

C.w Quotes By Kurt Vonnegut: He had a W.C. Fields twang and a

He had a W.C. Fields twang and a nose like a prize strawberry. — Kurt Vonnegut

C.w Quotes By C.F.W. Walther: Sin is lawlessness and constitutes the doer thereof

Sin is lawlessness and constitutes the doer thereof a rebel against the righteous rule of His sovereign Lord. — C.F.W. Walther

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to

It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: I believe in tying the marriage knot, as

I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: Always smile first thing in the morning.Might as

Always smile first thing in the morning.
Might as well get it over with. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: I don't know why I ever come in

I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: Comedy is a serious business. A serious business

Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose
to make people laugh. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second

First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: If a thing is worth having, it's worth

If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: I don't believe in dining on an empty

I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: Marry an outdoors woman. That way, if you

Marry an outdoors woman. That way, if you have to throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.

Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand

I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: California is the only state in the union

California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By C.F.W. Walther: God has willed, is now willing, and will

God has willed, is now willing, and will never cease willing, that man shall not sin. Sin — C.F.W. Walther

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: Don't be a luddy-duddy! Don't be a mooncalf!

Don't be a luddy-duddy! Don't be a mooncalf! Don't be a jabbernowl! You're not those, are you? — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By Timothy C.W. Blanning: Anything the Austrians could do, the Prussians could

Anything the Austrians could do, the Prussians could do better. — Timothy C.W. Blanning

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: I'm looking for loopholes.

I'm looking for loopholes. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: I like children. If they're properly cooked.

I like children. If they're properly cooked. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: When asked to borrow money: I'll see what

When asked to borrow money: I'll see what my lawyer says ... And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: Business is an establishment that gives you the

Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By Lydia Millet: Although she didn't have the plumbing, she deluded

Although she didn't have the plumbing, she deluded herself that she was the modern W.C. (about Margaret Thatcher, M.T.) — Lydia Millet

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It

What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an ax. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: The laziest man I ever met put popcorn

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000

Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: The best cure for insomnia is to get

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: Where there is a will, there's prosperity around

Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: I seldom took a drink on the set

I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth

Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: Drowned in a vat of whiskey ... Oh

Drowned in a vat of whiskey ... Oh Death, where is thy sting? — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: I could be stranded in any town in

I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: I think of the church often. Not because

I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By C.W. Kesting: Technology has robbed us of everything that made

Technology has robbed us of everything that made being human fun."

--Aristotle Leary
from Rubicon Harvest — C.W. Kesting

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By C.W. Gortner: You may come as a proud prince today

You may come as a proud prince today young Habsburg. But you shall travel many more roads in Castile in death than you ever will in life — C.W. Gortner

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: I never eat before breakfast.

I never eat before breakfast. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By C.W. Stokes: Can you keep it all business Shelby?" he

Can you keep it all business Shelby?" he asked as he tipped her chin up. "Somehow I don't think you can. — C.W. Stokes

C.w Quotes By LeAnne Mechelle: Loving you has been worse than an addiction

Loving you has been worse than an addiction to drugs.
At least I don't have the drugs c r a w l i n g into my bed at night. — LeAnne Mechelle

C.w Quotes By C.W. Gortner: There are many ways to obtain our desires,

There are many ways to obtain our desires, ma petite. Remember that, for it will serve you well. — C.W. Gortner

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once.

Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By C.W. Gortner: I unlocked her cage, but you, my thieving

I unlocked her cage, but you, my thieving friend, aim to set her free. Be careful with what you do. Wild things are never tamed." Boy's — C.W. Gortner

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but

Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: I've been asked if I ever get the

I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By Roger Stone: Let's be very clear, if you check the

Let's be very clear, if you check the F.E.C. records you will see I am supporting George W. Bush. — Roger Stone

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: Never cry over spilt milk, because it may

Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: Start every day off with a smile and

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: The cost of living has gone up another

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: All Englishmen talk as if they've got a

All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By C.W. Gortner: Nothing is the same afterward, is it? We

Nothing is the same afterward, is it? We carry on, as indeed we must, but we are never who we were." He — C.W. Gortner

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: Here lies W.C.Fields. I'd rather be living in

Here lies W.C.Fields. I'd rather be living in Philadelphia. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: The first thing any comedian does on getting

The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his . — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By C.W. Gortner: Since fortune was dragging its heels, I would

Since fortune was dragging its heels, I would lure it out with my hard work. — C.W. Gortner

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever

Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: In the ten years since I had run

In the ten years since I had run away from home ... I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: If I ever found a church that didn't

If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: I've been drunk only once in my life.

I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: Abstaining is favorable both to the head and

Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: I have been advised by the best medical

I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: The funniest thing a comedian can do is

The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: I drink with impunity ... or anyone else

I drink with impunity ... or anyone else who invites me. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: The two-headed boy in the circus never had

The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: All the men in my family were bearded,

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: After two days in the hospital, I turn

After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: I never worry about being driven to drink;

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: My illness is due to my doctor's insistence

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: I must have a drink of breakfast.

I must have a drink of breakfast. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: There's no such thing as a tough child

There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: Try till you succeed ... if you don't

Try till you succeed ... if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried! — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By J. C. Watts: Some might think that George W. Bush had

Some might think that George W. Bush had his shortcomings, but let me tell you something - history's going to be kind to George W. Bush. — J. C. Watts

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: I'd rather have two girls at 21 each

I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: I don't drink anymore, on the other hand

I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: I never drink water; that is the stuff

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: Thou shalt not take the name of the

Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By C.W. Gortner: There are moments that define our existence, moments

There are moments that define our existence, moments that, if we recognize them, become pivotal turning points in our life. — C.W. Gortner

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: I certainly do not drink all the time.

I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: I don't object to nine aces in one

I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand ... and besides, I know what I dealt him! — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By C.W. Gortner: I fear I lose myself among books. I

I fear I lose myself among books. I forget everything. — C.W. Gortner

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: If I had to live my life over,

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I

Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents) — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe

Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: Reality is an illusion that occurs due to

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: A woman drove me to drink and I

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: Never work with animals or children.

Never work with animals or children. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: Now don't say you can't swear off drinking;

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath. — W.C. Fields

C.w Quotes By Timothy C.W. Blanning: By its durability this settlement proved that conservative

By its durability this settlement proved that conservative liberty is an oxymoron, not a contradiction in terms. — Timothy C.W. Blanning

C.w Quotes By W.C. Fields: I didn't say the meat was tough. I

I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside. — W.C. Fields