Best Witty Funny Quotes: top 36 famous quotes about Best Witty Funny

Best Witty Funny Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Best Witty Funny quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Best Witty Funny Quotes By Bob Hope: It was a typically British birth ... I

It was a typically British birth ... I was three at the time. They had a strike in the maternity ward ... I came out in sympathy. — Bob Hope

Best Witty Funny Quotes By Robert Breault: There are truths of which I have an

There are truths of which I have an inkling, but of most I have only a pencilling — Robert Breault

Best Witty Funny Quotes By Terry Pratchett: -Oh yes? Can you identify yourself? -Certainly. I'd

-Oh yes? Can you identify yourself? -Certainly. I'd know me anywhere. — Terry Pratchett

Best Witty Funny Quotes By Amit Kalantri: Sometimes advises from others are more difficult to

Sometimes advises from others are more difficult to bear with than even slang. — Amit Kalantri

Best Witty Funny Quotes By Billy Connolly: When you are waiting for the bus and

When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here? — Billy Connolly

Best Witty Funny Quotes By Dave Chappelle: I wish I had more hands, so I

I wish I had more hands, so I could give those titties four thumbs down! — Dave Chappelle

Best Witty Funny Quotes By Ogden Nash: People who have what they want are very

People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it. — Ogden Nash

Best Witty Funny Quotes By Derek Landy: You promise?""I cross the place where my heart

You promise?"
"I cross the place where my heart used to be and wish to be even more deader than I am now. — Derek Landy

Best Witty Funny Quotes By Mignon McLaughlin: Men never know how tired they are till

Men never know how tired they are till their wives sit them down for a nice long talk. — Mignon McLaughlin

Best Witty Funny Quotes By Mita Jain: As the nicknames get shorter, people come closer.

As the nicknames get shorter, people come closer. — Mita Jain

Best Witty Funny Quotes By Kate Upton: Pickup lines never work ... I think someone

Pickup lines never work ... I think someone clever, witty and funny is very attractive. — Kate Upton

Best Witty Funny Quotes By Lloyd Alexander: -"He loved her ... It was noble of

-"He loved her ... It was noble of him. It was beautiful."
-"It was stupid. — Lloyd Alexander

Best Witty Funny Quotes By Holly Hood: So just let me deal with it, I

So just let me deal with it, I can be emotionally flawed and still love you all at the same time. I'm a great multitasker. — Holly Hood

Best Witty Funny Quotes By Lucian Bane: And the challenge in the next round would

And the challenge in the next round would be determined by the winner of this test. "Like, what, the DOM-matrix?" ~Tara Reese — Lucian Bane

Best Witty Funny Quotes By Pawan Mishra: Is that the biggest favor your vocal cords

Is that the biggest favor your vocal cords have done to anyone this week? — Pawan Mishra

Best Witty Funny Quotes By Mark A. Cooper: Laurence the last time I saw something like

Laurence the last time I saw something like you I flushed it away. — Mark A. Cooper

Best Witty Funny Quotes By James Dashner: He forced himself forward trying to seem innocent

He forced himself forward trying to seem innocent without acting like someone who was guilty who was trying to act innocent. — James Dashner

Best Witty Funny Quotes By Confucius: Girl who sit on Judge's lap get honorable

Girl who sit on Judge's lap get honorable discharge. — Confucius

Best Witty Funny Quotes By Jim Carrey: I can be your best friend or your

I can be your best friend or your worst enemy. You seem to prefer the latter. — Jim Carrey

Best Witty Funny Quotes By Dave Beard: I usually lump organized religion, organized labor, and

I usually lump organized religion, organized labor, and organized crime together. The Mafia gets points for having the best restaurants — Dave Beard

Best Witty Funny Quotes By Corey Ford: Properly trained, a man can be dog's best

Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend. — Corey Ford

Best Witty Funny Quotes By Gail Carriger: The important question is, what will your wear

The important question is, what will your wear for a wedding dress, Alexia? You look horrible in white. — Gail Carriger

Best Witty Funny Quotes By Gaurav Rao: Displacement of 'What goes around, comes around' is

Displacement of 'What goes around, comes around' is Zero. — Gaurav Rao

Best Witty Funny Quotes By Ljupka Cvetanova: Men weigh love with hands.

Men weigh love with hands. — Ljupka Cvetanova

Best Witty Funny Quotes By Scott Adams: I never knew what an engineer did for

I never knew what an engineer did for a living when I was a kid. I still don't. — Scott Adams

Best Witty Funny Quotes By Zsa Zsa Gabor: He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. — Zsa Zsa Gabor

Best Witty Funny Quotes By Zane Stumpo: Graham's life is as tense as an overstretched

Graham's life is as tense as an overstretched simile. — Zane Stumpo

Best Witty Funny Quotes By Ljupka Cvetanova: He is not an ideal husband. I am

He is not an ideal husband. I am his wife. — Ljupka Cvetanova

Best Witty Funny Quotes By Charles M. Schulz: I love people; it's mankind I can't stand.

I love people; it's mankind I can't stand. — Charles M. Schulz

Best Witty Funny Quotes By Albert Einstein: The equation for ego is: One over Knowledge.

The equation for ego is: One over Knowledge. — Albert Einstein

Best Witty Funny Quotes By Amanda Hudson: Friends from America!(Translation:"Tourist with Money")Look this way!

Friends from America!(Translation:"Tourist with Money")Look this way! — Amanda Hudson

Best Witty Funny Quotes By Erica Jong: Allow me to put the record straight. I

Allow me to put the record straight. I am forty-six and have been for some years past. — Erica Jong

Best Witty Funny Quotes By Will Rogers: If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take

If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there — Will Rogers

Best Witty Funny Quotes By Robert De Niro: I guess the only thing to do now

I guess the only thing to do now is meet his parents. I'm sure they're decent people. I mean they gotta be if they named their son Gaylord Focker. — Robert De Niro

Best Witty Funny Quotes By James Dashner: Thomas was sick of being accused of knowing

Thomas was sick of being accused of knowing things. — James Dashner

Best Witty Funny Quotes By David Eddings: You're impossible," she told him. "Of course I

You're impossible," she told him.
"Of course I am," he answered. "It's part of my charm. — David Eddings