Best Jon Stewart Quotes: top 38 famous quotes about Best Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Best Jon Stewart quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

I have some bad news. Bjork cannot be here tonight. She was trying on her Oscar dress and Dick Cheney shot her. — Jon Stewart

If we amplify everything, we hear nothing. — Jon Stewart

I mean, I'm not hoping for the apes and the monolith. I'm hoping for controlled chaos to assist us. — Jon Stewart

Everyone knows if a Republican comes out of the closet and sees a gay shadow, it means six more years of a Democratic administration. — Jon Stewart

You know if I had nickel for every time Bush has mentioned 9/11, I could raise enough reward money to go after Bin Laden. — Jon Stewart

I just thought, there are very few stories involving me, Anna Nicole Smith, and Jesus. — Jon Stewart

My friend Bill O'Reilly is completely full of sh*t. — Jon Stewart

I can't rationalize the brilliance and knowledge that you have about the intricacies of the market with the crazy bullshit I see you do each night. — Jon Stewart

What's it called when a hellhole hits a cataclysm? A catastro[phrack]. I just coined that, didn't I? — Jon Stewart

Clearly, I'm way older than everyone. — Jon Stewart

You know, in Saudi Arabia, you're innocent until proven Jewish. Female. Guilty! They're guilty! — Jon Stewart

Here it is ... your moment of zen. — Jon Stewart

I thinking gay and straight people use the same putters, it's not a matter of putters but a matter of hole selection. — Jon Stewart

It's lamented that the youth get their news from Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. It's lamentable that they get more from them than from the news. — Dick Cavett

It has been eleven days, Stephen, eleven fucking days! Eleven! The presidency is supposed to age the president, not the public. — Jon Stewart

I have to tell you I enjoy Jon Stewart. That's the truth. I actually think he's very funny. I've paid to see him do his stand-up routine. — Megyn Kelly

The best way to describe my ability was to say that after the game the other kids would say to me, 'Way to try!' — Jon Stewart

The government that governs best, governs best! — Jon Stewart

The best defence against bullshit is vigilance. So if you smell something, say something. — Jon Stewart

The best-laid plans of mice and comedians usually wind up on the cutting-room floor. — Jon Stewart

We grew up in the good old days before kids had these damn computers and actually played outside. — Jon Stewart

We could overcome the baser aspects of our nature ... and give this planet the kind of caretakers it deserves. — Jon Stewart

Get there early because hope does not park your mother-fucking car. — Jon Stewart

It's harder to eat meat when you know the animal's name ... I have found. — Jon Stewart

I don't care about wealth. What seems to be upsetting is institutionalizing the advantages that wealth gives you. — Jon Stewart

When you are actually powerful, you don't need to be petty. — Jon Stewart

Every generation has their challenge. And things change rapidly, and life gets better in an instant. — Jon Stewart

I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character. — Jon Stewart

I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. — Jon Stewart

To have not shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak. — Jon Stewart

Apparently the only time the press gets it right is when the White House illegally leaks it to them. — Jon Stewart

If the world does need to repopulate at some point, the announcing team of Rob Lowe and Sofia Vergara, I think, would make very pleasant children. — Jon Stewart

The problem with the Tea Party is they're all ignorant hillbillies who drink moonshine and ride around on mules. And they believe in stereotypes too. — Jon Stewart

McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done. — Jon Stewart

Liberal and conservative have lost their meaning in America. I represent the distracted center. — Jon Stewart

No one is better at not beating America than England. — Jon Stewart

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that. — Jon Stewart

When did fact checking and journalism go their separate ways? — Jon Stewart