Best Jon Stewart Quotes: top 38 famous quotes about Best Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Best Jon Stewart quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Jon Stewart: I have some bad news. Bjork cannot be

I have some bad news. Bjork cannot be here tonight. She was trying on her Oscar dress and Dick Cheney shot her. — Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Jon Stewart: If we amplify everything, we hear nothing.

If we amplify everything, we hear nothing. — Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Jon Stewart: I mean, I'm not hoping for the apes

I mean, I'm not hoping for the apes and the monolith. I'm hoping for controlled chaos to assist us. — Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Jon Stewart: Everyone knows if a Republican comes out of

Everyone knows if a Republican comes out of the closet and sees a gay shadow, it means six more years of a Democratic administration. — Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Jon Stewart: You know if I had nickel for every

You know if I had nickel for every time Bush has mentioned 9/11, I could raise enough reward money to go after Bin Laden. — Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Jon Stewart: I just thought, there are very few stories

I just thought, there are very few stories involving me, Anna Nicole Smith, and Jesus. — Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Jon Stewart: My friend Bill O'Reilly is completely full of

My friend Bill O'Reilly is completely full of sh*t. — Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Jon Stewart: I can't rationalize the brilliance and knowledge that

I can't rationalize the brilliance and knowledge that you have about the intricacies of the market with the crazy bullshit I see you do each night. — Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Jon Stewart: What's it called when a hellhole hits a

What's it called when a hellhole hits a cataclysm? A catastro[phrack]. I just coined that, didn't I? — Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Jon Stewart: Clearly, I'm way older than everyone.

Clearly, I'm way older than everyone. — Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Jon Stewart: You know, in Saudi Arabia, you're innocent until

You know, in Saudi Arabia, you're innocent until proven Jewish. Female. Guilty! They're guilty! — Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Jon Stewart: Here it is ... your moment of zen.

Here it is ... your moment of zen. — Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Jon Stewart: I thinking gay and straight people use the

I thinking gay and straight people use the same putters, it's not a matter of putters but a matter of hole selection. — Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Dick Cavett: It's lamented that the youth get their news

It's lamented that the youth get their news from Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. It's lamentable that they get more from them than from the news. — Dick Cavett

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Jon Stewart: It has been eleven days, Stephen, eleven fucking

It has been eleven days, Stephen, eleven fucking days! Eleven! The presidency is supposed to age the president, not the public. — Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Megyn Kelly: I have to tell you I enjoy Jon

I have to tell you I enjoy Jon Stewart. That's the truth. I actually think he's very funny. I've paid to see him do his stand-up routine. — Megyn Kelly

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Jon Stewart: The best way to describe my ability was

The best way to describe my ability was to say that after the game the other kids would say to me, 'Way to try!' — Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Jon Stewart: The government that governs best, governs best!

The government that governs best, governs best! — Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Jon Stewart: The best defence against bullshit is vigilance. So

The best defence against bullshit is vigilance. So if you smell something, say something. — Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Jon Stewart: The best-laid plans of mice and comedians usually

The best-laid plans of mice and comedians usually wind up on the cutting-room floor. — Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Jon Stewart: We grew up in the good old days

We grew up in the good old days before kids had these damn computers and actually played outside. — Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Jon Stewart: We could overcome the baser aspects of our

We could overcome the baser aspects of our nature ... and give this planet the kind of caretakers it deserves. — Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Jon Stewart: Get there early because hope does not park

Get there early because hope does not park your mother-fucking car. — Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Jon Stewart: It's harder to eat meat when you know

It's harder to eat meat when you know the animal's name ... I have found. — Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Jon Stewart: I don't care about wealth. What seems to

I don't care about wealth. What seems to be upsetting is institutionalizing the advantages that wealth gives you. — Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Jon Stewart: When you are actually powerful, you don't need

When you are actually powerful, you don't need to be petty. — Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Jon Stewart: Every generation has their challenge. And things change

Every generation has their challenge. And things change rapidly, and life gets better in an instant. — Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Jon Stewart: I was born with an adult head and

I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character. — Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Jon Stewart: I want to look back on my career

I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. — Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Jon Stewart: To have not shot his friend in the

To have not shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak. — Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Jon Stewart: Apparently the only time the press gets it

Apparently the only time the press gets it right is when the White House illegally leaks it to them. — Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Jon Stewart: If the world does need to repopulate at

If the world does need to repopulate at some point, the announcing team of Rob Lowe and Sofia Vergara, I think, would make very pleasant children. — Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Jon Stewart: The problem with the Tea Party is they're

The problem with the Tea Party is they're all ignorant hillbillies who drink moonshine and ride around on mules. And they believe in stereotypes too. — Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Jon Stewart: McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which,

McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done. — Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Jon Stewart: Liberal and conservative have lost their meaning in

Liberal and conservative have lost their meaning in America. I represent the distracted center. — Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Jon Stewart: No one is better at not beating America

No one is better at not beating America than England. — Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Jon Stewart: I really like to put my name on

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that. — Jon Stewart

Best Jon Stewart Quotes By Jon Stewart: When did fact checking and journalism go their

When did fact checking and journalism go their separate ways? — Jon Stewart