Believe Funny Quotes: top 84 famous quotes about Believe Funny

Believe Funny Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Believe Funny quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

I don't believe in an afterlife, but I'm taking an extra pair of underwear just in case. — Woody Allen

Believe it or not, there are twice as many eyebrows in the world as there are people. — Tim Vine

If life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade ... — Ron White

A scarlet flame suffused her face. 'You are very insolent,' she said, lamely. 'I've often been told so. But I don't believe it. — Rafael Sabatini

If you really believe death leads to eternal bliss then why are you wearing a seatbelt? — Doug Stanhope

Hitler: Thank you, whoever you are. I think you just saved my life.
The Doctor: Believe me ... It was an accident. — Steven Moffat

I believe great things are ahead for each of us. Now we just have to go ahead and create them. — Tom Althouse

I always believe that funny is serious and serious is funny. You don't really need a distinction between them. — Trevor Noah

Funny how people that don't believe in nothin' are so quick to believe every crazy story about people like us. — Dean Koontz

I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us. — Kinky Friedman

Brightness ... I believe you stray into sarcasm."
"Funny.I thought I'd run straight into it,screaming at the top of my lungs. — Brandon Sanderson

Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the few people who believes it was the blacks. — Sarah Silverman

Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present. — Publilius Syrus

Life is better than death, I believe, if only because it is less boring, and because it has fresh peaches in it. — Alice Walker

I do like to believe there is no stupid and or funny question because in fact if we don't ask than we don't learn. — Kai Greene

I never use a napkin on my lap at a restaurant ... because I believe in myself. — Hannibal Buress

Don't believe what you hear about those penguins. A species of lazy waddlers. Their extinction is immanent. — Benson Bruno

That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. — George Carlin

Believe in yourself and don't care about haters. — Perrie Edwards

Love has the power of making you believe what you would normally treat with the deepest suspicion. — Honore Gabriel Riqueti, Comte De Mirabeau

I can't believe he's making you wait till January for an appointment."
"I could threaten to bomb the school. That'd get me in quicker. — Jeannine Garsee

You have a choice in this world, I believe, about how to tell sad stories, and we made the funny choice. — John Green

Hope is a funny thing when you think about it. It's something you always have. You just have to believe you do. — Laura Miller

Funny how morality, which always seems so black and white can be influenced so completely by what you were raised to believe. — Neal Shusterman

Bringing a pot plant to the office, I believe, is a sign of quite serious commitment. — Danielle Wood

Sometimes they laugh at things I don't think are funny, but I believe if they're laughing at me, it's a good show. — Mike Tyson

I don't believe in failure. I'm perseverant - I believe in failing. — Bauvard

Funny how you can know something and yet not believe it's possible. — Alex Flinn

Some nice lady came over here with food for us all. She claimed to be your mother. I don't believe it
you're an asshole, and she's good people. — Amy Lane

I don't believe in God, I only believe in Al Pacino, and that's the truth. — Javier Bardem

I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren't any rules, how could you break them? — Leo Durocher

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand. — Mark Twain

Funny how we believe our own lies. — Anonymous

I'm a Leo. Leos don't believe in this astrology stuff. — Tom Neff

It is a sign of immaturity to believe that being older than someone (automatically) makes you more (mentally) mature than them. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Isn't it funny how we live inside the lies we believe? — A.S. King

How am I supposed to believe you when you're obviously carrying a fake monogram Gucci Bag? — Madi Brown

Of course I do, Jack! You have to beLIEve me! — Raymond Benson

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic. — Woody Allen

Friday and Saturday nights have a funny way of revealing what we really believe on Sunday mornings. — Mark Hart

I've done all the dumping, which is not a good thing. It's funny, because I married someone who has always done it as well. I believe I met my match. — Josh Holloway

He'd never been shy, but he'd always been a little uncertain around girls. He just couldn't believe they liked him. — Robyn Carr

I believe our differences are the little pinches of salt that can make the marriage seem more flavorful. — James E. Faust

I believe in evolution in the sense that a short-tempered man is the successor of a crybaby. — Criss Jami

Always keep a smile. I attribute my long life to that. I believe I will die laughing. That's part of my program. — Jeanne Calment

I have a friend. He keeps trying to convince me he's a compulsive liar, but I don't believe him. — Ben Bailey

Rappers on their sophomores ... actin' like they boss lords.
Fame's such a funny thing for sure when niggas start believing all those encores. — Pusha T

I did. I did see Bigfoot when I was a kid and I still believe it to this day. I saw a big furry man outside my window. It's not funny! It was real. — Barry Watson

If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the beginning of the day. — H. L. Hunt

Posting dramatic charts or funny pictures is good and giving people smart reasons to believe what they already think is great. — Derek Thompson

You have to really believe not only in yourself; you have to believe that the world is actually worth your sacrifices. — Zaha Hadid

I believe in loyalty. When a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick with it. — Eva Gabor

No way!" I yelled, taking it from him.
"I can't believe I made a pink knife."
"It's so cute! I love it. Finally, a companion worthy of Tasey. — Kiersten White

But its not funny. Not to people who've been told they're losers their whole lives and believe they will never be anything else. — Julie Anne Peters

Relaxed Empiricism
I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened. — Bill Bailey

I no longer believe that just about everything is funny, if viewed from the proper angle. — Tom Perrotta

Funny ... I still can't believe in God." "Does that matter now?" ... "He believes in you. — A.J. Cronin

Those who believe they can do something and those who believe they can't are both right. — Henry Ford

I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe - I believe what I believe is right. — George W. Bush

Funny how you can think that the world is ending but still believe things will work out. We always think there's going to be a happy ending somewhere. — Lorna Jane Cook

Yes, I believe blue material is funny, but if that's all you've got, you're dead in the water. It's not good. — Howard Stern

I have tried ... believe me, I have tried to like rap music. It makes me feel so very, very old. I have tried to get home with the downies. — Dylan Moran

I don't believe in magic. — J.K. Rowling

I may not beleive in God, but I believe in guilt and no one wants to dick around with eternity, even if it isn't there. — Jonathan Tropper

I didn't believe in reincarnation in my past life, and I still don't. — Woody Allen

I firmly believe that if you can't fool all of the people all of the time you should start breeding them for stupidity. - Weisshaupt — Dave Sim

I never lie. I believe everything I say, so it's not a lie. — Mark Wahlberg

My aunt Marge has been so ill for so long that we've started to call her I can't believe she's not better — Milton Jones

But I also happen to be someone who believes in tithing
the giving of a tenth . — Ronald Reagan

If there is a god maybe it rewards those who don't believe on the basis of insufficient evidence
and punishes those who do. — Peter Boghossian

Simon gave her a startled look. 'I don't believe I have ever been condescended to by a woman before.' She shrugged. 'It was probably past time. — Julia Quinn

I love being funny! I started in the theater when I was 9 and, believe it or not, always played the funny part! — Robert Knepper

I think religion is a funny thing because, when you see somebody who can really break it down, sometimes it feels foolish what you believe. — Kevin Costner

I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends. — Walt Whitman

Don't believe everything you read on the Internet. — Abraham Lincoln

I can't believe I've missed this sport. It's all about fingering holes and caressing balls. — K.A. Mitchell

I do not believe in any religion, I will have nothing to do with immortality. We are miserable enough in this life without speculating upon another. — George Gordon Byron

When nobody practices what they strongly believe in, that day will be a triumph of prudence. — Bauvard

You should tell the truth as often as you can, but in such a way as people don't believe you or think that you're being funny. — Auberon Waugh

I don't believe in God, don't believe in the devil. Unless you want to count my mother. She might be Satan's sister, I suppose. — Ellen Hopkins

I believe in eight of the ten commandments. I believe in going to church every Sunday ... unless there's a game on. — Steve Martin

I don't care if I'm funny. I just want people to believe I'm that guy. — Jim Piddock

I couldn't believe it. That was the first time I had ever seen somebody celebrate for a whole 40-second clock. That was ridiculous. — Charles Woodson

Jeffrey to Felicia - Given your peculiar fashions over the past four years, I'm afraid you've caused people to believe you're a little insane. — Jen Turano