Bar Humor Quotes: top 33 famous quotes about Bar Humor

Bar Humor Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Bar Humor quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

When you go to a bar that has a black light, everybody looks cool. Except for me, because I was under the impression that the mustard stain came out. — Mitch Hedberg

Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no arm in it' — Tommy Cooper

I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough. — Rodney Dangerfield

Complaining that a comic is drunk is like going to a titty bar and complaining because your lapdancer is a communist. — Doug Stanhope

Taking me out to robberies, bar fights, and wraith houses isn't enough for you anymore? I though we were happy."
"Only the best for you, my lady. — Jodi Meadows

Your trash can is full of energy bar wrappers."
"You were looking through my trash? — Rainbow Rowell

A literary academic can no more pass a bookstore than an alcoholic can pass a bar. — Carolyn G. Heilbrun

If your shoes stick to the bar floor, you may need to re-think using the bar bathroom. — Kimberly J. Dalferes

To us," she said. raising her glass. We both sucked back the sweet drink as if it were nectar. — Elle Klass

I didn't want to be DRUNK. IN. PUBLIC. I wanted to be drunk in a BAR. I was THROWN. into. public. — Ron White

Word of advice - never ask a terrorist the question 'What would you do for a Klondike bar?'. — David C. Holley

You would think there is a higher bar than having a Facebook page to run for president. — Bill Maher

One popular saying was, The boy who goes into medicine is too lazy for farm or shop, too stupid for the Bar, and too immoral for the pulpit. — Volney Steele

You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name
and you've never been to that bar before. — Zach Galifianakis

On our second date, she kissed me in a bar. I invited her home. We just caught the F train, which seemed like a good omen. — Alison Bechdel

When I pass the bar, you'll be barred from bars but put behind them. — Natalya Vorobyova

All we can hope for is that he will fall into the ocean with a bar of soap in his pocket. — Eoin Colfer

I have always understood that money made in the patent medicine business is a practical bar to social success. — George Presbury Rowell

Two peanuts walk into a rather rough bar, not looking for any trouble. Unfortunately, one was a salted. — Tommy Cooper

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?
There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar. — Drew Carey

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The barman looks at them and says: "Is this some kind of a joke?" — Frank Carson

The Kit Kat candy bar has the name Kit Kat imprinted into the chocolate. That robs you of chocolate! That's a clever chocolate-saving technique. — Mitch Hedberg

When a Dragon, an Elf, and a Human walk into a bar, the Human is always going to be the punch line. — Bryan Fields

Reggie, you wrapped your sports car around a telephone pole after drinking a bar."
"Yeah... But I was wearing my seatbelt. — Daniel Younger

Never approach a crying woman entering a sports bar carrying a harpoon gun. — George Carlin

A Corsai, a Malchai, and a Sunai walk into a bar -
Everyone groaned, including August. — Victoria Schwab

A jump lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." — Tommy Cooper

I escape disaster by writing a poem with a joke in it:
The past, present, and future walk into a bar - it was tense. — Kelli Russell Agodon

A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road. — Tommy Cooper

The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense. — Lex Martin

A good story should provoke discussion, debate, argument ... and the occasional bar fight. — J. Michael Straczynski

Life is like a game of limbo in reverse. The bar keeps rising higher and we need to keep rising to the occasion. — Ryan Lilly

Kid, I've only known you two days and I've seen you plastered three times." He shook his head. "A bar would not be a good career move for you. — Jennifer Crusie