Baby Humor Quotes: top 69 famous quotes about Baby Humor

Baby Humor Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Baby Humor quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Your baby is crying, says the driver to Taiwo, the Ghanian way of saying your cell phone is ringing. — Taiye Selasi

That's so typical. You won't steal a baby, but you're too lazy to conjugate. — Jim Butcher

You know how sometimes you see a really sexy baby? Wait that sounds fucked up. — John Green

We have to actually choose a name," Kane murmured above her head. "We can't keep calling him 'baby.' When he's fifteen he might resent it. — Christine Feehan

Baby girl, five minutes alone with me and you're gonna be begging me to taste your pie. — Carmen Jenner

I mean that it's all right to go to bed with an asshole but don't ever have a baby with one. — David Gilmour

It's often said when a baby is born so is a grandparent; well, for me it turned out that when I was born it was also the birth of a Ding Dong. — Lisa A. Tortorello

When men and women produce a baby together for the first time, it's an absolute festival of mutual incompetence.
From The Wife Drought — Annabel Crabb

I've seen a baby born. And, ahem, I know what made it. But I'm not telling, you'd never believe me. — N.D. Wilson

Nine people can't make a baby in a month. — Fred Brooks

He's more how Satan would look if he needed to seduce you into drowning a baby. — Eve Dangerfield

Sweetheart, the baby keeps you up all night , it's definitely a boy. He winks. — Samantha Towle

But then again, they
were like baby Einsteins on crack. — Jennifer L. Armentrout

Goodnight baby, sleep in peace. After you kill that bitch!"
"Goodnight mom! — Sherrilyn Kenyon

Oh baby", Madoc groaned to the girl next to him. "Snickers ain't the only thing king sized. — Penelope Douglas

The baby dove into the room, transforming grotesquely as it landed on the floorin a deft sumersault — Brandon Mull

Where's your instruction manual?" I asked him. "What's the baby
customer-service number? — Lisa Kleypas

Men look at breasts the way women look at babies. 'Aw, isn't that lovely.' — Dylan Moran

Sex is all right, but a hot fudge sundae don't never ask if the baby's really his. — Lois Greiman

He was afraid to pick up the baby. If he touched it, it might bond with him or something. Or he might leave fingerprints all over it. — Judith Arnold

The best way to learn Japanese is to be born as a Japanese baby, in Japan, raised by a Japanese family. — Dave Barry

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant. — Steven Wright

Lillian looked around the room.
"Where are the others? The Prescott girl and the good-looking one?"
"Baby," said Rusty, "I'm right here. — Sarah Rees Brennan

By the way, don't you think shoving a light bulb up baby Jesus' butt and plugging it in is just a little sacrilegious? — Dana Marie Bell

Red cross donation, baby! the ghost yelled. — Serpent's Shadow Rick Riordan

It is a sign of immaturity to believe that being older than someone (automatically) makes you more (mentally) mature than them. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Stephen ... you know how, when a baby is first born, it just cries at the sheer horror of being alive? — Bryan Lee O'Malley

Baby, you're so much of a woman, you turn me off when I hold you. — Rhys Ford

Hey baby, do you want to hold my Whopper? — N.M. Silber

Little baby Hanuman was hungry. — William Buck

Basically I'm pretty sure my mom thinks a well-thought-out list has the power to make time her personal bitch. — Susan Ranelle Amari

So you're the guy who did the no-no cha-cha with my baby sister. — Lish McBride

Good morning, baby. You know that the government has a responsibility for their own actions. — Zechariah Barrett

I would let you hold him," Jane said, "but I'm pretty sure letting-ghosts-hold-my-baby is not on Abby's approved list of things to accomplish in life. — Allie Burke

I want to attend a Pampered Chef party about as much as I want to go to a used auto parts party where you can win a baby monkey as a door prize. — Carol Maloney Scott

Yeah baby, give me some of that rancid yak milk. — Anthony Kiedis

Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess. — Lemony Snicket

You look about as trapped as a piglet at a baby back ribs cookoff. — Colleen Houck

Bobby Tom: You're supposed to be my assistant, not a baby-sitter!
Gracie: One and the same. — Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Your church is a baby-house made of blocks. — Henry David Thoreau

Guitar makes even have a word for these baby-boomers-who-alwyas-wanted-to-be-great-guitarists-and-now-have-the-money-to-indulge-those-dreams: dentists — Tim Brookes

You aren't afraid of needles. I see one, and I start crying like a baby."
"I've never seen you cry."
"It's on the inside. — Gena Showalter

I live for a woman who scratches, just make sure to keep it on the back, baby, I dont like scars." ~Otto Carvalletti — Sherrilyn Kenyon

How's the world treating you this morning?'
'Like a baby treats a diaper. — Biyi Bandele-Thomas

Fuck you . . . you fucking body-dysmorphia porn-addict trust-fund-baby compulsive-masturbation motherfucker. — Warren Ellis

I was sleeping like a baby - waking up every three hours screaming and crapping my pants. — John Swartzwelder

I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby ... — Erma Bombeck

I have a question. Is it okay to drink while you're pregnant ... if you're planning on giving the baby up for adoption? — Chelsea Handler

Want me to flex my magic for you, baby? — Sarah Rees Brennan

Baby, your rhymes get me going. — Rick Remender

He was already thinking about the videos he was going to make to teach his baby about calculus when he climaxed. — Neal Stephenson

Is this the baby?" I said.
Ma turned on me again.
"What do you think it is?" she said. "A midget that can't talk? — George Saunders

Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry, you can't have a baby brother, because that would mean that Daddy had sex, and that's never going to happen again. — Christopher Moore

Kids are baby goats. They're cute and they have redeeming social value. You are definitely not kids. — Rick Riordan

Our parents would not be 'The best parents in the world' (to us) if they were not our parents. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Have a baby shower, then an abortion. Now you just have to lose a little weight to squeeze into all your skimpy new outfits. — Bauvard

Baby, I could watch you watching paint dry, and I still wouldn't be bored." Garrett Graham, my own personal sweet-talker. — Elle Kennedy

I joked with the anesthesiologist for a while, and then a nurse handed me a baby. — Matthew Amster-Burton

If olive oil comes from olives, then where does baby oil come from? — Jane Wagner

Daddy is jive talking
and showering the stripper
Mommy is sleepwalking
while changing baby's diaper — Casey Renee Kiser

If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland. — Dave Barry

Wait until you see my socratic method, baby. — Cherrie Lynn

I hope you have a miscarriage on a Walmart floor and have the baby's room already decorated. — Jim Norton

Oh, dear God and baby Jesus in the manger, my eyes!" Dee shrieked. "My eyes! — Jennifer L. Armentrout

That's one small step for a man ... but a really big step ... for a baby. — Harlowe Pilgrim

She gave me money to buy condoms, and instead I bought a book of baby names. That's life. That's love. That's fiscally irresponsible. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

A bambiraptor is a savage baby dear. — Alan Davies

Do you know how much a freaking baby costs? A million dollars. — Gemma Halliday

No other formula gives your baby a better start in life except that stuff that comes out of you for free. — Tina Fey