Augusten Burroughs Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Augusten Burroughs

Augusten Burroughs Quotes & Sayings

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I saw a monkey walking on a leash and thought it was an ugly foreign child. — Augusten Burroughs

How could something have no end, and if it had no end exactly where did it leave us? — Augusten Burroughs

There's never a false note in a Berg novel. — Augusten Burroughs

You would be amazed by what you can give up, lose, or break, and yet still be a person who gets happy over brownies. — Augusten Burroughs

It terrified me to consider: What if, as a grown-up, I craved another body beside me as still as this one? What then? — Augusten Burroughs

Love is a helium-based emotion; Love always takes the high road. — Augusten Burroughs

I would borrow the microphone and stuff it down the front of my pants, examining myself from every angle in the mirror — Augusten Burroughs

Didn't every new thing you did become a part of you, one of your bricks? — Augusten Burroughs

I discovered the bleeding when he licked my hand and left a swath of blood behind, death's autograph. — Augusten Burroughs

Like cubic zirconia, I only look real. I'm an imposter. The fact is, I am not like other people. — Augusten Burroughs

This is what happens when you go against the grain of truth: you get splinters later on. — Augusten Burroughs

It's neat how money smells nothing like anything in the world except money, just like cardboard. — Augusten Burroughs

I made very good money and spent all of it every week. I lived paycheck to paycheck ... — Augusten Burroughs

And I hope she does not live in a dark world. Because even the most terrible loss doesn't have to make you darker; it can make you deeper. — Augusten Burroughs

I slipped on a turtleneck, laughing when my head became stuck in the turtle part. If they weren't called turtlenecks, I wouldn't have worn them. — Augusten Burroughs

Even when we lose an arm or a leg, there's not less of us but more. Human experience weighs more than human tissue. — Augusten Burroughs

My subconscious does the writing; I don't have control over that. — Augusten Burroughs

He's a really nice guy, if only I weren't me. — Augusten Burroughs

Hope and God were buddies. Theirs was not a formal relationship steeped in ritual and tradition. It was more of a close yet casual friendship. — Augusten Burroughs

I am tired from having lived seventeen different lives, compressed into the space of one. — Augusten Burroughs

Because all of us are made not only of what we have but what we lost. And loss is not a subtraction. As an experience, it is an addition. — Augusten Burroughs

We're all going to die eventually so why not have some fun. — Augusten Burroughs

I think you're healthy in certain ways, and I think you're a pathetic disaster in others. — Augusten Burroughs

If you hate your life, you haven't seen enough of it. If you hate your life, it's because your life is too small and it doesn't fit you. — Augusten Burroughs

Like somebody who was just happy because there was macaroni and cheese in the world. — Augusten Burroughs

My thoughts seem thick, ketchup stuck in a bottle. Like trying to feel someone's face while wearing goosedown mittens. — Augusten Burroughs

The horrible thing about being sober is you lose your excuse for being so fucked up. — Augusten Burroughs

I suppose home is, for me, more of a state of mind. It's really more of about being where I want to be with people I care about. — Augusten Burroughs

I'm always prepared for the worst. — Augusten Burroughs

Everybody in recovery smokes. If you don't like smoking, don't even bother trying to get sober. Just stay drunk. — Augusten Burroughs

You weren't heavy at all ... the only weight you carry is on your shoulders. I wish I could carry it for you. — Augusten Burroughs

Despite evidence to the contrary, I hated drinking to the point that I misplaced really big slabs of time. — Augusten Burroughs

I did not consider him to be any kind of a genius. I considered him deeply lacking in the area that mattered most in life. Star quality. — Augusten Burroughs

We tried to everything right, now we were forced to do everything wrong and it was working. — Augusten Burroughs

It turned out I had always been a smoker. I just hadn't had any cigarettes. — Augusten Burroughs

Applause is a constant thing in AA. It's how we buy drinks for each other. — Augusten Burroughs

If you loathe your job, the situation is improved if you can do it in your underwear. Drunk. — Augusten Burroughs

How many of the things I fear or dread are actually things that I want? — Augusten Burroughs

I understand why sometimes people speak in cliches because sometimes there is no other way to describe something. — Augusten Burroughs

My window fogs and this makes me feel like there is no world outside of the car. — Augusten Burroughs

[My brother] shaped my young life. First, he taught me how to walk. Then, armed with sticks and dead snakes, he chased me and I learned how to run. — Augusten Burroughs

I thought, This is how it feels inside the right decision. — Augusten Burroughs

A big, friendly-looking man approaches me. "Hey, I'm Bobby," he says with a thick Baltimore accent, " ... and I'm an alcoholic. — Augusten Burroughs

You know, American alcoholics are pretty fucking hard to insult. — Augusten Burroughs

Bookman isn't a stable man. He has a lot of problems that run very, very deep.
But he was really good at giving head. — Augusten Burroughs

If willpower is required to achieve this goal, that's how you know you don't want it enough on a deep, organic level. Mechanical — Augusten Burroughs

Where there is nothing, absolutely anything is possible. — Augusten Burroughs

We did not pass one other Mercury Merkur XR4Ti the entire way. — Augusten Burroughs

Awe, I discovered, was my favorite feeling. It was a rare experience, but when it happened, it was like an orgasm for the mind. — Augusten Burroughs

The unfairness of your current status is unimportant. What matters is, can you do what you need to do? If — Augusten Burroughs

He was furious that the music house wanted forty grand. He wanted us to Jew them down — Augusten Burroughs

She was a rare psychotic-confessional-poet strain of salmonella. — Augusten Burroughs

When you have a blueprint for what happiness is, lay it over your life and see what you need to change so the images are more aligned. — Augusten Burroughs

I really look at my childhood as being one giant rusty tuna can that I continue to recycle in many different shapes. — Augusten Burroughs

And of course, the answer came to me in the same way Jesus comes to those who drink in trailers: as an epiphany. — Augusten Burroughs

He continues to smile expectantly. I take a step back. I don't want to catch whatever he has. He is a disturbing out-of-uniform Santa. — Augusten Burroughs

I will please shut the hell up the day you please drop the hell dead — Augusten Burroughs

So if you think the job really suits you, be you. — Augusten Burroughs

Your mind is like an unsafe neighborhood; don't go there alone. — Augusten Burroughs

You manufacture beauty with your mind — Augusten Burroughs

Life would be fabric-softener, tuna-salad-on-white, PTA-meeting normal. — Augusten Burroughs

I realized I'd only seen him at night in dim, flattering restaurant lighting. The sun was not his friend. — Augusten Burroughs

The most I would do was use the shadow tool in Photoshop to bring out the muscular rips in my stomach, which were honestly there. Beneath the fat. — Augusten Burroughs

You must hang onto the scraps of the bucking moment as if your sanity and life depended on it - because actually they do. — Augusten Burroughs

His laugh is made of porch swings and lemonade. — Augusten Burroughs

You cannot be a prisoner of your past against your will. Because you can only live in the past inside your mind. — Augusten Burroughs

In spouse, I mostly hear "S.mouse," the name of Chris Lilley's blackface teenage rapper in Angry Boys. And — Augusten Burroughs

Nobody's trying to kill you, Deirdre. You're killing yourself. — Augusten Burroughs

His laugh is made if porch swings and lemonade — Augusten Burroughs

If you hate life, you haven't seen enough of it. If you hate your life, it's because your life is too small and doesn't fit you. — Augusten Burroughs

I remember, no matter how impossible it seemed that any given day would end, it always did. This one would, too. — Augusten Burroughs

I like it when she's shiny, like a star, like a guest on the Donnie and Marie Show. — Augusten Burroughs

Loss creates a greater overall surface area within a person. You expand as a result of it. Though it may very well feel like the opposite. — Augusten Burroughs

I always tried to learn Greek, but all I got out of it was, "poulaki mou." ["My little chicken."] — Augusten Burroughs

But I am not here ironically; I am here sincerely. — Augusten Burroughs

Being an unhappy person does not mean you must be sad or dark. You can be interested instead of happy. You can be fascinated instead of happy. — Augusten Burroughs

There are times in life when logic and reason and probability must be recognized, but then ignored. — Augusten Burroughs

Memorization is not the same as remembering. — Augusten Burroughs

I never listen to music when I write. — Augusten Burroughs

Although I was able to maintain a pleasant expression, I was mentally throwing up in her face. — Augusten Burroughs

My mother is from Cairo, Georgia. This makes everything she says sound like it went through a curling iron. — Augusten Burroughs

Will I end up in Hell along with the Hamburger Helping Hand, Joe Camel and Wendy, the Snapple Lady? — Augusten Burroughs

And in my mind, this settles the issue. I would never drink cologne, and am therefore not an alcoholic. — Augusten Burroughs

Red hair is great. It's rare, and therefore superior. — Augusten Burroughs

Perfectionism is the satin-lined casket of creativity and originality. If — Augusten Burroughs

The events of the past cannot be fully understood when you are the only element of the past actively engaged in reliving it. — Augusten Burroughs

Part of me believes that love is more valuable when you have to work for it. — Augusten Burroughs

Being busy is not the same as being focused. Being focused means being here. — Augusten Burroughs

And she's a nurse. do you know how hard nursing school is? it's like medical school. so she's obviously smart. — Augusten Burroughs

Other people sound flat to my ear; their words just hang in the air. But when my mother says something, the ends curl. — Augusten Burroughs

I knew that he was as reliable as a mathematical formula. — Augusten Burroughs

All of us are richer and more fascinating and more complex than we can ever know. — Augusten Burroughs

Handsome people are always interesting to watch. But a handsome person in crisis is riveting. — Augusten Burroughs

It was so extraordinarily out of the ordinary. — Augusten Burroughs

I wouldn't want to waste any of my brain cells on forgiving if it's holding me back. — Augusten Burroughs

At that moment it would have been easier for me to spontaneously grasp quantum string theory — Augusten Burroughs

Signs with missing letters can only mean bad things. — Augusten Burroughs

People believe in god because they can't think to be alone. — Augusten Burroughs

In some ways, blogging is like drinking - it gives a person permission to be a total asshole. — Augusten Burroughs

My attraction had been immediate and profound. And it had nothing to do with the way he looked. My attraction was to what resided between his lines. — Augusten Burroughs