Andy Kindler Quotes: top 67 famous quotes about Andy Kindler

Andy Kindler Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Andy Kindler quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

From 1987 to 1992, I was on the road for 40 weeks a year playing comedy clubs, and that was during the 'comedy boom.' — Andy Kindler

Alexander Graham Bell was the first person to ever sarcastically say hello. Hellooo, I invented the telephone! — Andy Kindler

Whenever I watch the beginning of Jimmy Fallon, I feel like I should sue the Roots for bait and switch. — Andy Kindler

Some of my stuff, I realize is just rage. — Andy Kindler

My big fear is that I'll put down so many people, I'll have to leave show biz. — Andy Kindler

I'm on a show called Wizards of Wavery Place, and I like it, but I'm unable to convince my Tivo that I wouldn't also like iCarly. — Andy Kindler

I've never been paid as a prognosticator. I don't get a lot of work as a mentalist. — Andy Kindler

I do have insecurities. I don't know if you can tell. I'm not brimming with confidence. — Andy Kindler

Milk should be refrigerated even before opening. — Andy Kindler

I'm sorry and ashamed to report that I'm not actually a Jew. I was pretending to be a Jew to minimize the holocaust. — Andy Kindler

I don't like any nastiness on tv unless it's coming from me. — Andy Kindler

The saddest day in Pixar history was when some guy said 'get Larry the Cable Guy on the phone. — Andy Kindler

I'm not really in Louis CK's circle. It'd probably be harder if we were really close and I went off on him. — Andy Kindler

I will say that I wasn't susceptible to Tony Robbins-like pitches, even as a younger man. — Andy Kindler

BJ Novak gets the Perseverance Award for graduating from Harvard and being unemployed for the entire plane ride to Los Angeles. — Andy Kindler

Dave Rath is recovering. A month ago he had hip pocket replacement surgery. — Andy Kindler

Entertainment Weekly said that Parks and Rec is the smartest comedy on tv. Call me when it's the funniest. — Andy Kindler

You can't go wrong with pizza, unless it's terrible pizza. — Andy Kindler

I wanted to like 'Up in the Air' - I like Jason Reitman - but Vera Farmiga left me cold. — Andy Kindler

Can we all admit that 'Parks and Recreation' is horrible? Is this something we would all know, but don't say? Maybe everything should not be improv'd. — Andy Kindler

There are so many people who just want a flashy object in front of their eyes and don't want to think at all; I find that disturbing. — Andy Kindler

Kevin James is going to do a couple of specials. One's called It's Getting Muggy In Here. — Andy Kindler

Comedy Central made their own awards show. They were named best comedy channel. — Andy Kindler

There's a lot of controversy online, some people say i'm a genius and other say i'm hugely talented. — Andy Kindler

I always had a tremendous amount of rage about the business, and I thought turning that into comedy was healthy. — Andy Kindler

Larry the Cable Guy has signed a deal with Cracker Barrel. Not the store. He signed a deal with a barrel full of angry rednecks. — Andy Kindler

I don't know what Tracy Morgan does onstage, but I can assure you, it's no act. — Andy Kindler

George Lopez does so much mugging, I'm surprised he's not up on charges. — Andy Kindler

I don't really know what's wrong with Jay Leno. I don't have the training to make a professional diagnosis. — Andy Kindler

My cat's fully capable of speaking, but he says he's afraid of me turning it into a Kevin James vehicle. — Andy Kindler

I did not sell Amway, but I sold Shaklee, which was an Amway-type product sold through multi-level marketing. — Andy Kindler

I believe at the end of my career I'll be retired into the recurring character hall of fame. — Andy Kindler

Maybe Bill Maher should just practice his monologue a few times before the show, so he wouldn't find it so hilarious. But I kid the asshole. — Andy Kindler

I'm not a confrontational person in real life, so I really don't wanna get into arguments or fistfights with people I'm making fun of. — Andy Kindler

If everything was good, maybe I wouldn't have a career. I wouldn't have anything to make fun of. — Andy Kindler

My goal is to be exactly how I am offstage - although I realize I'm supposed to punctuate it with jokes. — Andy Kindler

Jimmy Fallon is handsome. This is an indisputable fact. — Andy Kindler

I'm not trying to do anything except entertain America. — Andy Kindler

Now we have two choices in life: have sex with the same person forever or risk a terminal disease. Either way, your life is over. — Andy Kindler

CNN has a thing called You Choose the News. Y'know what CNN? I'm turning you on because I don't know the news. I was hoping you could help me. — Andy Kindler

My wife and I want to try swapping. We want to go to one of those key parties where you put your keys in a bowl. But we just want to upgrade our car. — Andy Kindler

Some of my inventions didn't take off. I invented a url lengthener. — Andy Kindler

I'm tired of demographic appeal being more important than talent. I want to fight against that. — Andy Kindler

I try to go out for everything. I go out for any acting stuff that comes up, and voice-over stuff. — Andy Kindler

When did I start comedy? I came out of the womb and did 10 minutes. — Andy Kindler

I am the smartest comedian in the history of the world. — Andy Kindler

I've given myself permission to say whatever's on my mind when I'm on stage. — Andy Kindler

I get some acting jobs. I like it other than the constant slipping in and out of character. — Andy Kindler

I believe conspiracy theories are part of a larger conspiracy to distract us from the real conspiracy. String theory. — Andy Kindler

I don't hate Dane Cook, but I am trying to go after people I think are capable of more. — Andy Kindler

I was recently voted best standup never to win a major. — Andy Kindler

Pixar has announced Larry the Cable Guy will be starring in Cars 3 thru 6. Howie Mandel will be playing his sidekick, Mopey the Moped. — Andy Kindler

I've sold a lot of different product. Very briefly, I sold Time Life Books on the phone. — Andy Kindler

I came out to L.A. in '78 to be a musician. I didn't get into comedy until the mid-Eighties. — Andy Kindler

Tracy Morgan apologizes for his homophobic rant, still no apologies for the sketch about the guy living under the street. — Andy Kindler

Ever since I've switched to the clean syringes, I've never felt better in my entire life. — Andy Kindler

My favorite comedians are basically themselves onstage. — Andy Kindler

'The Graduate' should have won best picture over 'In the Heat of the Night.' — Andy Kindler

I don't consider myself a political comedian because it's so hard. It takes time away from me saying terrible things about TV. — Andy Kindler

'Ambulatory' is my favorite word to use because it never gets a laugh. — Andy Kindler

I can open up any can of worms and get people upset. — Andy Kindler

I would like Albert Brooks to have received the Oscars for best actor, best director and best screenplay for 'Modern Romance.' I love that movie. — Andy Kindler

Adam Carolla is like Hitler if Hitler wasn't funny. — Andy Kindler

I don't think there's anything Craig Ferguson could say that would make me laugh. Ad-libbing is not the same as entertainment. — Andy Kindler

I'm on a mission. If I can make even one person not enjoy something they're currently enjoying, it's all worth it! — Andy Kindler

My goal isn't to wake up in the morning and hurt people's feelings. — Andy Kindler

Very unique: I was a singer-songwriter-guitarist. Very unusual in the late Seventies to find a singer-songwriter, and on top of that, a guitarist. — Andy Kindler