Maureen Lipman Quotes

You know the worst thing about oral sex? The view.

Did you ever meet a mother that complained that her child phoned her too often? Me neither.

What does a Californian make for dinner? Reservations.

Jewish Alzheimer's is forgetting everything except a grudge.

As for blondes having more fun, well, let me dispel that rumor forever. They do.

Chutzpah' is best defined as a small boy peeing through someone's letter box, then ringing the doorbell to ask how far it went.

My idea of a good work-out is two hours spent worrying about the bags under my eyes.

Are you sitting comfortably? Then get up. This is no time for sloth.

A tortoise is, I suppose, a Jewish pet. It knows its place. Out on the lawn. It doesn't bark. It doesn't tear the Dralon.

I've discovered over the years that if my hair is all right, then generally speaking, so am I.

I suppose the nearest equivalent to a bar mitzvah in terms of emotional build-up would probably not even be one's wedding day, but one's coronation.