Karl Pilkington quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Karl Pilkington

Karl Pilkington Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Karl Pilkington on Wise Famous Quotes.

This is the problem with over-crowded inner-city schools there aren't enough parts for everyone in the nativity story.

I don't think I've ever felt this lost, even in Wales.

The Tudors, I don't even know if I had a family back then.

Pigeons: They've got wings, but they walk a lot ...

I'm not invited to any exciting parties and my life hasn't really changed.

Kids are like farts in that way. They never seem to bother the owner as much as they bother everyone else.

[Jellyfish] are 97% water or something, so how much are they doing? Just give them another 3% and make them water. It's more useful.

Classes teaching you how to breathe. I'm 32, I think I've got the hang of it.

I don't really like surprises. Not big ones anyway. Just having a pack of Revels holds enough of a surprise for me.

You never see an old man eating a Twix

Could the world fall?

A slug is always on its own. It is a lonely insect.

I think people would live a bit longer if they didn't know how old they were. Age puts restrictions on things.

I never buy a piece of art. I don't see the point in buying something because I know my eyes will get bored of it eventually.

If you'd have told me five years ago that I'd have done all this - two books, some television and everything - I'd panic, I'd be scared.

I know when I was a kid I ate a beetle. I ate a beetle because I thought it was licorice.

Neil Armstrong, that spaceman, he went to the moon but he ain't been back. It can't have been that good.

My brain's just full of passwords.

Stop looking at the walls, look out the window.

If you don't sleep you get run down. Sloths never get a flu, cos its good innit thats when your body's replemishing

I've never thought about it before, but I suppose bad people might need someone to pray to, too.

Stay green, stay in the woods, and stay safe.

I don't know what I'm meant to do. I'm not important, am I? I'm not doing anything that makes a difference.

There's a lot of idiots in the world, so live with it.

I don't think I'd be a very good parent. I'd be too honest.

I'd heard street food was a big thing here in Mexico but I didn't think it meant the creatures that lived on the street.

A life without death would be like a day without sleep.

I could eat a knob at night.

Honestly, all the trouble Noah went to saving the animals two by two and now we're making handbags out of them. I

I'd rather live in a cave with a view of a palace than live in a palace with a view of a cave.

With identical twins, you always get a little snidey one.

I've always wanted to kick a duck up the ass.

Well I'm trying to think what I put in ... I think I put in 'why?' to see if I'd confuse the computer.

It is hard eating a little kangaroo knob.

I don't want to go about offending people; that's not my plan.

I don't know why small chocolates are called fun-sized; I mean, if I called a midget fun-sized, they'd kick off.

With evolution, things are always changing, so I sort of think: Should we all be growing three heads?

You don't have to do it straight away, but just do it before it gets really bad

The only reason you don't go on holiday, is 'cause you have to spend money.

There is someone for everyone, i'nt there. That's always my thing. And it's reassuring I think.

By 78 you've done everything you're going to do. If you haven't bungee-jumped by the time you're 78 you're not going to do it.

At what point is a wasp ever going to have a chat with a spider?

If an animal is named after what it eats, how interesting is it?

Me in a one-man tent crouching over carrier bag. It's not just the lowest point of the trip. It's the lowest point ever. In 38 years.

I know who I am. Bloody hell, I'm getting enough bills for Karl Pilkington so I hope I am him, 'cos if I'm not, I have no idea who I'm paying for.

If you don't have a plan, you can end up doing some interesting things.

If you are living the dream, how do you know if you are asleep or awake?

I was still using my eyes even though I had them shut

People moan about drugs being tested on animals. I sort of think it depends innit. If the drug's aspirin and the monkey's got a headache, is it right?

A single vision is more perfect than a committee vision because with everyone having their say, it becomes compromised.

I found that being with happy positive people annoys me.

That impresses me more, inventin' electricity.

Apparently you're not allowed to lick a toad's back.

Being honest with you, it's not the 'great' wall of China. It's an all right wall. It's the 'All Right Wall of China.'

It would be spiteful to put a Jellyfish in a trifle.

We came from the sea originally, now we're going back in it. Don't go in it, unless you're in a boat.

Well ... like, when you're born, you're a little baby, you're wrinkly and stuff, when you get older you sort of morph into a baby again ...

If you sit in a bath of pineapple chunks, it can kill you. That's well documented.

When i was younger i remember once i went to bed and i was so happy that i laughed myself to sleep ...

The great pyramid is overrated. It's a bad design. The lounge is going to be huge, but the bedroom is going to be tiny.

It's like there's some unwritten rule that if you're mates, you can say what you want to each other, and you don't really get that annoyed about it.

And we've got a toaster and everything. So there is no reason for the wedding.

It's 2006, why are they still using the index finger?

The cafe was called Tattoos. The fella who owned it didn't have any tattoos ... but we never saw his wife.

Yesterday, I did some painting then went out to buy an onion and came home and watched 'University Challenge.' The onion was probably the highlight.

If you're not happy looking a knob in the face, there's something wrong.

I'm useless in water. I wake up at night drowning in my own saliva.

How would I know which one I was?

The reason there are so many gyms in London is because the amount of gay people who are here now.

A block of blood should not have the word "cake" after it ... they might as well say "shite gateau

the bus was running late, but in truth this was no surprise. Delhi probably got its name from the word 'delay'.

At some point, some insect has had sex with a leaf.

We're just a weed in the universe

A dog has got human eyes.

Who'd have thought the Frisbee would have caught on?

I'm not a proper traveler. I don't like to be challenged or have too much of a change and prefer a week away just to relax.

Cat food. It stinks a bit, but if you don't put up with the smell, the little kitten will die.

You never get an angry man suddenly breaking into a whistle.

I came up with a good idea ... see-through skin.

It wouldn't happen ... There hasn't been one publication by a monkey

From someone whose dad buys him a spade for Christmas, I thought you'd be grateful!

Knowledge is annoying

It's easier to have a go at something again when you failed at it as you've got nowt to lose.

Why is it alright to be going around, going mental with a gun, shooting all the monkeys and killing them? Because one day we're going to run out.

Comedy's really subjective, you know; that's why it's so hard.

Why didn't evolution make a giraffe good at carpentry so it could build a ladder?

Parrots have gone a bit quiet since pirates have gone.

The Chichen Itza is just a pyramid with four sides, with stairs on each side leading to some kind of bungalow on the top.

What happens if someone else has my eyes, and they start looking at stuff I don't like? I don't like the idea of that.

I've never worried about life's big questions.

I've never been touched by such an old man.

People who live in glass houses ... have to answer the door.

Chinese people age overnight.

People who live in a glass house have to answer the door.

What's that plate that's above a saucer but below a plate?

We've invented most of the stuff that we need and now we're just messing about

You know, when you're a producer, you're a bit of a lackey. You're just making cups of tea and making sure they've got newspaper, stuff like that.

Blind people can stay up longer than someone with eyes.

I'm really happy. I just don't choose to show it.

We all just want to sit on our ass.