Jenny Lawson Quotes

Top 100 wise famous quotes and sayings by Jenny Lawson

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Jenny Lawson Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Jenny Lawson on Wise Famous Quotes.

Jenny Lawson quotes: Don't sabotage yourself. There are plenty of other people willing to do that for free. Don't sabotage yourself. There are plenty of other people willing to do that for free.
Jenny Lawson quotes: When life gives you lemons you should freeze them and use them to throw at your enemies using some sort of trebuchet. When life gives you lemons you should freeze them and use them to throw at your enemies using some sort of trebuchet.
Jenny Lawson quotes: I want my pockets to be like a TARDIS, or Mary Poppins's carpetbag. I want my pockets to be like a TARDIS, or Mary Poppins's carpetbag.
Jenny Lawson quotes: Five vans of chicks took off to visit wineries for wine tasting. Only four came back.1 Five vans of chicks took off to visit wineries for wine tasting. Only four came back.1
Jenny Lawson quotes: DAY 2: Start intentionally breaking things so you have a reason not to wrap and pack them. DAY 2: Start intentionally breaking things so you have a reason not to wrap and pack them.
Jenny Lawson quotes: Australia is really a lot like Texas if Texas were mad at you and drunk and maybe had a knife. Australia is really a lot like Texas if Texas were mad at you and drunk and maybe had a knife.
Jenny Lawson quotes: No " Grandlibby replied. "Hail comes from hell. The devil sent it because he's happy that you're reading evil garbage. No " Grandlibby replied. "Hail comes from hell. The devil sent it because he's happy that you're reading evil garbage.
Jenny Lawson quotes: In short? It is exhausting being me. Pretending to be normal is draining and requires amazing amounts of energy and Xanax. In short? It is exhausting being me. Pretending to be normal is draining and requires amazing amounts of energy and Xanax.
Jenny Lawson quotes: No. I can't have sex with you today because there aren't enough spoons. No. I can't have sex with you today because there aren't enough spoons.
Jenny Lawson quotes: I very much own the fact that I'm a misfit. The Internet makes everyone realize they're screwed up. I very much own the fact that I'm a misfit. The Internet makes everyone realize they're screwed up.
Jenny Lawson quotes: Every time I get scared or feel like I'm not going to be good enough at something, I say that mantra to myself. "Pretend you're good at it." Every time I get scared or feel like I'm not going to be good enough at something, I say that mantra to myself. "Pretend you're good at it."
Jenny Lawson quotes: Are asparaguses just artichokes that haven't grown properly? Like they started smoking and got really skinny, like supermodels? * Are asparaguses just artichokes that haven't grown properly? Like they started smoking and got really skinny, like supermodels? *
Jenny Lawson quotes: Cannibals say that we taste like pork, and bacon is my spirit animal, so we're probably delicious. Cannibals say that we taste like pork, and bacon is my spirit animal, so we're probably delicious.
Jenny Lawson quotes: Maybe that's why people overschedule their kids now. Maybe it's to avoid driving your lawn mower over a small cliff made by gopherlike children. Maybe that's why people overschedule their kids now. Maybe it's to avoid driving your lawn mower over a small cliff made by gopherlike children.
Jenny Lawson quotes: This place is very bushy," I said, using words to describe things. This place is very bushy," I said, using words to describe things.
Jenny Lawson quotes: Oh my God, calm down, Darwin. Don't get all crazy just 'cause I threw a vampire monkey wrench in your faulty Jesus-zombie logic. Oh my God, calm down, Darwin. Don't get all crazy just 'cause I threw a vampire monkey wrench in your faulty Jesus-zombie logic.
Jenny Lawson quotes: I try to be honest about the shame that I feel because with honesty comes empowerment and also understanding. I try to be honest about the shame that I feel because with honesty comes empowerment and also understanding.
Jenny Lawson quotes: You don't have to go to some special private school to be an artist. Just look at the intricate beauty of cobwebs. Spiders make them with their butts. You don't have to go to some special private school to be an artist. Just look at the intricate beauty of cobwebs. Spiders make them with their butts.
Jenny Lawson quotes: We all get our share of tragedy or insanity or drama, but what we do with that horror is what makes all the difference. I We all get our share of tragedy or insanity or drama, but what we do with that horror is what makes all the difference. I
Jenny Lawson quotes: Depression is like ... when you don't want cheese anymore. Even though it's cheese. Depression is like ... when you don't want cheese anymore. Even though it's cheese.
Jenny Lawson quotes: The world always looks nicer when it's a little blurry - that's why so many of us have a second glass of wine at dinner. The world always looks nicer when it's a little blurry - that's why so many of us have a second glass of wine at dinner.
Jenny Lawson quotes: I just realized that men get stiletto knives and women get stiletto shoes. This whole thing is fucked. I just realized that men get stiletto knives and women get stiletto shoes. This whole thing is fucked.
Jenny Lawson quotes: Which sort of shows why my body is an idiot, because forced narcolepsy is pretty much the worst defense ever. Which sort of shows why my body is an idiot, because forced narcolepsy is pretty much the worst defense ever.
Jenny Lawson quotes: I am caught in a Mark Twain shame spiral. I am caught in a Mark Twain shame spiral.
Jenny Lawson quotes: The only person you need to be better than is the person you were yesterday The only person you need to be better than is the person you were yesterday
Jenny Lawson quotes: I whispered to the girl next to me that I was very excited about having my first cheese tasting because I love cheese. I whispered to the girl next to me that I was very excited about having my first cheese tasting because I love cheese.
Jenny Lawson quotes: Why would I want to do more when I'm already doing so well at nothing? Why would I want to do more when I'm already doing so well at nothing?
Jenny Lawson quotes: This is the same reason I listen to a lot of uber-conservative Republican radio. Because I want to know what is on the minds of my enemies. This is the same reason I listen to a lot of uber-conservative Republican radio. Because I want to know what is on the minds of my enemies.
Jenny Lawson quotes: Plus, I won't have to feel bad for eating too many egg rolls because if I suddenly get skinny that's going to be hard to explain. Plus, I won't have to feel bad for eating too many egg rolls because if I suddenly get skinny that's going to be hard to explain.
Jenny Lawson quotes: I'm not sure I have the words to describe that moment but if there's a word that means the exact opposite of "ladylike", that would be a good start. I'm not sure I have the words to describe that moment but if there's a word that means the exact opposite of "ladylike", that would be a good start.
Jenny Lawson quotes: I'm not overweight. I'm simply overgravitated. Spell-check I'm not overweight. I'm simply overgravitated. Spell-check
Jenny Lawson quotes: That raccoon is my goddamn role model. He is the worst and best Patronus ever, and I want to be just like him when I grow up. That raccoon is my goddamn role model. He is the worst and best Patronus ever, and I want to be just like him when I grow up.
Jenny Lawson quotes: Because money can't buy the happiness of a good and understanding spouse. Because money can't buy the happiness of a good and understanding spouse.
Jenny Lawson quotes: I can feel other people's emotions. Their life force, maybe? Something. It's uncomfortable but in a way that's hard to define. I can feel other people's emotions. Their life force, maybe? Something. It's uncomfortable but in a way that's hard to define.
Jenny Lawson quotes: It is an amazing gift to be able to recognize that the things that make you the happiest are so much easier to grasp than you thought. It is an amazing gift to be able to recognize that the things that make you the happiest are so much easier to grasp than you thought.
Jenny Lawson quotes: I am the Wizard of Oz of housewives (in that I am both "Great and Terrible" and because I sometimes hide behind the curtains I am the Wizard of Oz of housewives (in that I am both "Great and Terrible" and because I sometimes hide behind the curtains
Jenny Lawson quotes: IIlike your skin because it keeps your organs from falling out onto the carpet. IIlike your skin because it keeps your organs from falling out onto the carpet.
Jenny Lawson quotes: Meanwhile, I was doodling pictures of vampiric cougars. Meanwhile, I was doodling pictures of vampiric cougars.
Jenny Lawson quotes: So I'm standing there, holding a googly-eyed can of beans as it shakes and loudly farts the birthday song to me in a gas station. So I'm standing there, holding a googly-eyed can of beans as it shakes and loudly farts the birthday song to me in a gas station.
Jenny Lawson quotes: I had no idea how complicated and solitary it could be to write a simple book. I had no idea how complicated and solitary it could be to write a simple book.
Jenny Lawson quotes: What I want you to know: Dying is easy. Comedy is hard. Clinical depression is no fucking picnic. What I want you to know: Dying is easy. Comedy is hard. Clinical depression is no fucking picnic.
Jenny Lawson quotes: Luckily the god of How-Did-Children-Survive-in-the-Seventies was looking out for us Luckily the god of How-Did-Children-Survive-in-the-Seventies was looking out for us
Jenny Lawson quotes: There will be moments when you have to be a grown-up. Those moments are tricks. Do not fall for them. There will be moments when you have to be a grown-up. Those moments are tricks. Do not fall for them.
Jenny Lawson quotes: No one ever expects vaginal arthritis. (Or the Spanish Inquisition). No one ever expects vaginal arthritis. (Or the Spanish Inquisition).
Jenny Lawson quotes: They should change "like finding a needle in a haystack" to "like finding a pen that works in that drawer filled with pens that don't work. They should change "like finding a needle in a haystack" to "like finding a pen that works in that drawer filled with pens that don't work.
Jenny Lawson quotes: I'd eat a human foot if it was smothered in enough cheese and butter. I'd eat a human foot if it was smothered in enough cheese and butter.
Jenny Lawson quotes: It's how people fish when they've run completely out of bait, dynamite, and any common sense whatsoever. There It's how people fish when they've run completely out of bait, dynamite, and any common sense whatsoever. There
Jenny Lawson quotes: Today an applicant who couldn't pass the typing test blamed it on me for giving her a trick keyboard because the keys weren't in alphabetical order. Today an applicant who couldn't pass the typing test blamed it on me for giving her a trick keyboard because the keys weren't in alphabetical order.
Jenny Lawson quotes: Lick David Tennant's face. Lick David Tennant's face.
Jenny Lawson quotes: Don't compare your insides with someone else's outsides. Don't compare your insides with someone else's outsides.
Jenny Lawson quotes: Call me 'that-weird-chick-who-says-"fuck"-a-lot'" is probably more accurate, Call me 'that-weird-chick-who-says-"fuck"-a-lot'" is probably more accurate,
Jenny Lawson quotes: Pretend you're good at it." It seemed too simple, but it was all I had so I scrawled the words on my arm and repeated it as a mantra. Pretend you're good at it." It seemed too simple, but it was all I had so I scrawled the words on my arm and repeated it as a mantra.
Jenny Lawson quotes: You are defined not by life's imperfect moments, but by your reaction to them. You are defined not by life's imperfect moments, but by your reaction to them.
Jenny Lawson quotes: I rented sloths by the hour. I rented sloths by the hour.
Jenny Lawson quotes: When our brains declare war on our very existence. When our brains declare war on our very existence.
Jenny Lawson quotes: I'd convinced myself that girls are like small bears: cute to look at, but far too dangerous to have lunch with. I'd convinced myself that girls are like small bears: cute to look at, but far too dangerous to have lunch with.
Jenny Lawson quotes: Everyone is born with extra fingers. God expects you to cut a few off during your journey. Otherwise he wouldn't have made power tools so awesome. Everyone is born with extra fingers. God expects you to cut a few off during your journey. Otherwise he wouldn't have made power tools so awesome.
Jenny Lawson quotes: he looked at me and Jean Louise with disgust. he looked at me and Jean Louise with disgust.
Jenny Lawson quotes: One of the best things you can do as a parent is to realize that your child is nothing like you, and everything like you. One of the best things you can do as a parent is to realize that your child is nothing like you, and everything like you.
Jenny Lawson quotes: Then I yelled through his door, It's an anniversary gift for you, asshole. Two whole weeks early. FIFTEEN YEARS IS BIG METAL CHICKENS. Then I yelled through his door, It's an anniversary gift for you, asshole. Two whole weeks early. FIFTEEN YEARS IS BIG METAL CHICKENS.
Jenny Lawson quotes: (Editor's note: Start over. Sound less ludicrous.) (Editor's note: Start over. Sound less ludicrous.)
Jenny Lawson quotes: Don't compare your behind-the-scenes look to everyone else's highlight reel. Don't compare your behind-the-scenes look to everyone else's highlight reel.
Jenny Lawson quotes: I'm not rewarding unrequested, lazy singers with their aggressive pudding demands. I'm not rewarding unrequested, lazy singers with their aggressive pudding demands.
Jenny Lawson quotes: Pretend you're good at it. Pretend you're good at it.
Jenny Lawson quotes: Just cheer up is almost universally looked at as the most unhelpful depression cure ever. Just cheer up is almost universally looked at as the most unhelpful depression cure ever.
Jenny Lawson quotes: If you'd like to quickly round up a whole lot of assholes all in one spot I suggest going to the airport. If you'd like to quickly round up a whole lot of assholes all in one spot I suggest going to the airport.
Jenny Lawson quotes: That's the good thing about hanging with bloggers. Most of them are kind of fucked up in the same way you are. That's the good thing about hanging with bloggers. Most of them are kind of fucked up in the same way you are.
Jenny Lawson quotes: The dark side always seemed very organized and vaguely Republican. The dark side always seemed very organized and vaguely Republican.
Jenny Lawson quotes: I almost never use B.C. and A.D. to describe time periods. I use BKCWC. Before Kirk Cameron Went Crazy. That's how I judge time. * I almost never use B.C. and A.D. to describe time periods. I use BKCWC. Before Kirk Cameron Went Crazy. That's how I judge time. *
Jenny Lawson quotes: No really. What exactly did you do today, Jenny? Quantify it for me.""It's not quantifiable. There aren't even metrics for the shit I do. No really. What exactly did you do today, Jenny? Quantify it for me."
"It's not quantifiable. There aren't even metrics for the shit I do.
Jenny Lawson quotes: There is such freedom in being able to celebrate and appreciate the unique moments that recharge you and give you peace and joy. There is such freedom in being able to celebrate and appreciate the unique moments that recharge you and give you peace and joy.
Jenny Lawson quotes: I've had chronic insomnia for as long as I can remember. These are the things that eventually happen when you're alone at two a.m. often enough. * I've had chronic insomnia for as long as I can remember. These are the things that eventually happen when you're alone at two a.m. often enough. *
Jenny Lawson quotes: I don't have arachnophobia (irrational fear of spiders) because fear of spiders is perfectly rational so I refuse to recognize it as a "disorder. I don't have arachnophobia (irrational fear of spiders) because fear of spiders is perfectly rational so I refuse to recognize it as a "disorder.
Jenny Lawson quotes: It's okay to keep a broken oven in your yard as long as you call it art. It's okay to keep a broken oven in your yard as long as you call it art.
Jenny Lawson quotes: So just to clarify, I always have my vagina with me. It's like my American Express card. So just to clarify, I always have my vagina with me. It's like my American Express card.
Jenny Lawson quotes: Even when everything's going your way you can still be sad. Even when everything's going your way you can still be sad.
Jenny Lawson quotes: Someone has to be the worst ninja in the class. That's just basic math. Someone has to be the worst ninja in the class. That's just basic math.
Jenny Lawson quotes: Be as visibly fucked up as you want to be because being unique is already taken Be as visibly fucked up as you want to be because being unique is already taken
Jenny Lawson quotes: Some days are good, and some days are bad, and some days are the days you get a dead dog in the mail. They can't all be winners. Some days are good, and some days are bad, and some days are the days you get a dead dog in the mail. They can't all be winners.
Jenny Lawson quotes: That's the thing about my father. You never know when he's hiding a giant surprise giraffe head from you. That's the thing about my father. You never know when he's hiding a giant surprise giraffe head from you.
Jenny Lawson quotes: Sometimes the depression is mild enough that I mistake it for the flu or mono, Sometimes the depression is mild enough that I mistake it for the flu or mono,
Jenny Lawson quotes: If you enjoyed high school, you were probably a psychopath or a cheerleader. Or possibly both. If you enjoyed high school, you were probably a psychopath or a cheerleader. Or possibly both.
Jenny Lawson quotes: On the other side of fear is freedom. And usually fewer fingers than you started with. On the other side of fear is freedom. And usually fewer fingers than you started with.
Jenny Lawson quotes: Then I realized I hurt too much to use Twitter and that's when I knew I was dying. Then I realized I hurt too much to use Twitter and that's when I knew I was dying.
Jenny Lawson quotes: My rule is "Enjoy the non-shitty things now because shitty things are coming. My rule is "Enjoy the non-shitty things now because shitty things are coming.
Jenny Lawson quotes: It (her wedding dress) was the kind of dress that both Scarlett O'Hara and Princess Diana would have deemed 'over the top'. It (her wedding dress) was the kind of dress that both Scarlett O'Hara and Princess Diana would have deemed 'over the top'.
Jenny Lawson quotes: Have you ever been homesick for someplace that doesn'tactually exist anymore? Someplace that exists only in yourmind? Have you ever been homesick for someplace that doesn't
actually exist anymore? Someplace that exists only in your
mind?
Jenny Lawson quotes: I wish for her to have love, and just enough heartbreak to appreciate it. I wish for her to have love, and just enough heartbreak to appreciate it.
Jenny Lawson quotes: And whenever I had menstral cramps, I could just pretend that Voldemort was close. And whenever I had menstral cramps, I could just pretend that Voldemort was close.
Jenny Lawson quotes: everything in the world either is or isn't pandas everything in the world either is or isn't pandas
Jenny Lawson quotes: Everyone gets caught accidentally sneaking weird stuff through security sometimes though. Everyone gets caught accidentally sneaking weird stuff through security sometimes though.
Jenny Lawson quotes: Mentally ill. It's a phrase that once scared me, but now I wear it like an old jacket, comfortable but ugly. Mentally ill. It's a phrase that once scared me, but now I wear it like an old jacket, comfortable but ugly.
Jenny Lawson quotes: Your Pants Are Bragging at Me Your Pants Are Bragging at Me
Jenny Lawson quotes: I try to be appreciative of what I have instead of bitter about what I've lost. I try to be appreciative of what I have instead of bitter about what I've lost.
Jenny Lawson quotes: Call me Ishmael. I won't answer to it, because it's not my name. Call me Ishmael. I won't answer to it, because it's not my name.
Jenny Lawson quotes: *Spoiler alert: Bambi's mom doesn't make it. *Spoiler alert: Bambi's mom doesn't make it.
Jenny Lawson quotes: My grandmother used to say, "Into everyone's life a little rain must fall---rain, assholes, and assorted bullshit . My grandmother used to say, "Into everyone's life a little rain must fall---rain, assholes, and assorted bullshit .
Jenny Lawson quotes: Lady, you have the wrong number. Our cat isn't even in the hospital. He doesn't want pajamas. Lady, you have the wrong number. Our cat isn't even in the hospital. He doesn't want pajamas.
Jenny Lawson quotes: Sometimes stunned silence is better than applause. Sometimes stunned silence is better than applause.
Jenny Lawson quotes: Most people don't have poisonous tap water in their house. Most people don't have poisonous tap water in their house.

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