Jeff Dunham Quotes

Top 37 wise famous quotes and sayings by Jeff Dunham

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Jeff Dunham quotes: I've got an answer to where Osama bin Laden is and I know, he's dead and living in my suitcase with my dummies.' I've got an answer to where Osama bin Laden is and I know, he's dead and living in my suitcase with my dummies.'
Jeff Dunham quotes: I always try and do everything I can to the best of my abilities, single aspect has to be perfect. I always try and do everything I can to the best of my abilities, single aspect has to be perfect.
Jeff Dunham quotes: Silence! I kill you! Silence! I kill you!
Jeff Dunham quotes: The roadwork is just rehearsal for that DVD you're going to film a year later. The roadwork is just rehearsal for that DVD you're going to film a year later.
Jeff Dunham quotes: As humans we like to laugh at our fears, we like to whistle in the dark. As humans we like to laugh at our fears, we like to whistle in the dark.
Jeff Dunham quotes: Most people when they have autobiographies, they're not autobiographies, they're biographies written by a ghost writer. Most people when they have autobiographies, they're not autobiographies, they're biographies written by a ghost writer.
Jeff Dunham quotes: Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Knock, knock.Jeff Dunham: Who's there?Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Me, I kill you! Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Knock, knock.
Jeff Dunham: Who's there?
Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Me, I kill you!
Jeff Dunham quotes: There are not that many ventriloquists out there who build their own characters. I love that because they are uniquely mine. There are not that many ventriloquists out there who build their own characters. I love that because they are uniquely mine.
Jeff Dunham quotes: Achmed: Two Jews walk into a bar... Jeff: No no no no no Achmed: You don't let Jews in your bar? You racist bastard. Achmed: Two Jews walk into a bar...
Jeff: No no no no no
Achmed: You don't let Jews in your bar? You racist bastard.
Jeff Dunham quotes: Jeff: There's a lot of history in this city...Peanut: Translated: Old. As. Shit. Jeff: There's a lot of history in this city...
Peanut: Translated: Old. As. Shit.
Jeff Dunham quotes: That afternoon I ordered an information packet. That afternoon I ordered an information packet.
Jeff Dunham quotes: I've always said that instead of watching a guy juggle seven things amazingly I would rather see a really bad juggler who's really funny. I've always said that instead of watching a guy juggle seven things amazingly I would rather see a really bad juggler who's really funny.
Jeff Dunham quotes: The kids who come backstage that have cancer or whatever, make them laugh and smile for a little while, what's the problem with that? There isn't any. The kids who come backstage that have cancer or whatever, make them laugh and smile for a little while, what's the problem with that? There isn't any.
Jeff Dunham quotes: Math? Forget about it. If I add four plus eight plus six, I have to count on my fingers. I guess I'm hooked up differently. Math? Forget about it. If I add four plus eight plus six, I have to count on my fingers. I guess I'm hooked up differently.
Jeff Dunham quotes: You're the other white meat! You're the other white meat!
Jeff Dunham quotes: I'm a geek to the bone. I'm a geek to the bone.
Jeff Dunham quotes: Growing up, I thought it would be great if I could do big theaters. Now we're doing arenas. Growing up, I thought it would be great if I could do big theaters. Now we're doing arenas.
Jeff Dunham quotes: There's nothing better for a comedian than adversity. There's nothing better for a comedian than adversity.
Jeff Dunham quotes: Peanut: Come here puppet boy... make your daddy talk! Peanut: Come here puppet boy... make your daddy talk!
Jeff Dunham quotes: Walter: Do you see this lovely young lady sitting right here in the front row? Do you see her? Do you see her?Jeff: Yeah.Walter: Oh well! Walter: Do you see this lovely young lady sitting right here in the front row? Do you see her? Do you see her?
Jeff: Yeah.
Walter: Oh well!
Jeff Dunham quotes: I used to pick Priuses out of the grill of my Hummer. I used to pick Priuses out of the grill of my Hummer.
Jeff Dunham quotes: jose jaliopinio on a stick" do you like bmw's (big mexican weman) jose jaliopinio on a stick" do you like bmw's (big mexican weman)
Jeff Dunham quotes: Stand-up comedy is tough right now. Anybody can come to a concert, tape you, and put you up on the Internet. You either fight it or embrace it. Stand-up comedy is tough right now. Anybody can come to a concert, tape you, and put you up on the Internet. You either fight it or embrace it.
Jeff Dunham quotes: Family time was very difficult when my girls were little, but I never missed a birthday; I was there for every major event. Family time was very difficult when my girls were little, but I never missed a birthday; I was there for every major event.
Jeff Dunham quotes: Shut up or i'll kill you by Achmed the dead tarries. Shut up or i'll kill you by Achmed the dead tarries.
Jeff Dunham quotes: You never know how long your fifteen minutes of fame is going to last. You never know how long your fifteen minutes of fame is going to last.
Jeff Dunham quotes: If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
Jeff Dunham quotes: I try to make the majority of my audience laugh. That's my audience. They'll laugh at the dead terrorist. I try to make the majority of my audience laugh. That's my audience. They'll laugh at the dead terrorist.
Jeff Dunham quotes: When a bad experience happens, you just chalk it up to the great fact that you just got five more jokes in the show. When a bad experience happens, you just chalk it up to the great fact that you just got five more jokes in the show.
Jeff Dunham quotes: Look, I know I didn't finish school but that frickin' says 'Sa ntah ah nah! Look, I know I didn't finish school but that frickin' says 'Sa ntah ah nah!
Jeff Dunham quotes: I'm a pretty good ventriloquist, but it's the entertainment value and the laughs that keep people sitting there and wanting more. I'm a pretty good ventriloquist, but it's the entertainment value and the laughs that keep people sitting there and wanting more.