Greg Giraldo quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Greg Giraldo

Greg Giraldo Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Greg Giraldo on Wise Famous Quotes.

If I drive my SUV I'm supporting terrorism. Okay, I'll take a taxi, Is that better?

The reality is I'm not this person with this driving 'get it done' attitude.

There hasn't been a more effeminate Jew in the closet since Anne Frank.

The only reason we're not in Iran now is because we're going alphabetically and George Bush can't spell.

If you spend five minutes with me or watch me try to balance my checkbook, you can only imagine the disaster I would make of anyone's legal issues.

It's something like 70% of American adults are obese, and the rest of them are women on Ally McBeal.

My advice to graduates is to stay positive. Life is short, and you'll be dead soon.

We need more money for schools. We need more money for the kids. Ever think maybe the damn kids aren't worth it?

Why do we need another station where everyone has a gun? We already have BET.

We're a spoiled, lazy culture, full of ethnic pride that has to have a parade for every nationality.

Joke stealing is a big deal to me, but I mean, I'm not going to investigate it if it doesn't effect me directly.

In catholisism we have an entire religion based on a woman who really stuck to her story

"You're an old man who dresses like a Hooter's waitress."

Ice-T is so old that the first thing he bought with the money from his album sales was his freedom.

If being a gangster were a prerequisite to being a musician, there'd be a lot less cello music, for example.

I've always had real trouble knowing what my actual desires and goals are. I've just been dragged along by fate.

If you're going to dedicate your career to ranting about the excesses of American capitalism, you probably shouldn't weigh 450 pounds.

How many of you text message? It's a great way of not communicating.

I like when people give up chocolate for Lent. Ooh, just like being nailed to a cross.

Edible underwear? ... even during sex, we can't stop eating.

All the evidence we need that God is angry with us is Justin Timberlake's career.

Do you know how short you have to be to have a Napoleon complex in North Korea?

The hardest part, for real, is probably when you just don't feel like going on stage and being funny.

It's hard to distinguish when I was actually struggling from when I only felt like I was struggling - which was pretty much always.

The reality is I'm not a 'get knocked down and come back harder' kind of guy.

Americans are not gonna conserve. We're not gonna shift to smaller cars. We can't - we have big, fat kids.

Look at the insane things the Jews believe. The Jews believe that Barbra Streisand is worth $1,000 bucks a ticket.

Even before the kids are born, you've go to make these decisions. If it's a boy, do we get him circumcised? If it's a girl, do we keep her?

People come to this country from all over the world to pursue their dreams of driving a taxi or selling hot dogs or working in a sweatshop.

There are more whipped guys on television than there were on the Amistad.

There are no black people in Iraq, so how will they know who to shoot at?

People always want to compare their dogs to having kids. That's insulting. First of all, nobody has a dog because they were too drunk to pull out.