Fred Allen Quotes

Top 84 wise famous quotes and sayings by Fred Allen

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Fred Allen Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Fred Allen on Wise Famous Quotes.

Fred Allen quotes: What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement. What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
Fred Allen quotes: An actor's success has the life expectancy of a small boy about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match. An actor's success has the life expectancy of a small boy about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.
Fred Allen quotes: He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument. He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
Fred Allen quotes: If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race. If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race.
Fred Allen quotes: You only live once. But if you work it right, once is enough. You only live once. But if you work it right, once is enough.
Fred Allen quotes: Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs. Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
Fred Allen quotes: He was so narrow minded that if he fell on a pin it would blind him in both eyes. He was so narrow minded that if he fell on a pin it would blind him in both eyes.
Fred Allen quotes: Three million frogs' legs are served in Paris - daily. Nobody knows what became of the rest of the frogs. Three million frogs' legs are served in Paris - daily. Nobody knows what became of the rest of the frogs.
Fred Allen quotes: Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
Fred Allen quotes: It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips. It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
Fred Allen quotes: Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars. Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
Fred Allen quotes: All that the comedian has to show for his years of work and aggravation is the echo of forgotten laughter. All that the comedian has to show for his years of work and aggravation is the echo of forgotten laughter.
Fred Allen quotes: All I know about humour is that I don't know anything about it. All I know about humour is that I don't know anything about it.
Fred Allen quotes: Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure. Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
Fred Allen quotes: Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent. Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
Fred Allen quotes: An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer. An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
Fred Allen quotes: Imitation is the sincerest form of television. Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
Fred Allen quotes: Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut. Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.
Fred Allen quotes: Television is a medium because anything well done is rare. Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
Fred Allen quotes: Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done. Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.
Fred Allen quotes: Television is the triumph of machine over people. Television is the triumph of machine over people.
Fred Allen quotes: Condensed milk is wonderful. I don't see how they can get a cow to sit down on those little cans. Condensed milk is wonderful. I don't see how they can get a cow to sit down on those little cans.
Fred Allen quotes: A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done. A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.
Fred Allen quotes: He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone. He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
Fred Allen quotes: I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there. I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.
Fred Allen quotes: A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself. A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
Fred Allen quotes: California is a fine place to live, if you happen to be an orange. California is a fine place to live, if you happen to be an orange.
Fred Allen quotes: A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal. A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
Fred Allen quotes: The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference. The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference.
Fred Allen quotes: If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it. If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
Fred Allen quotes: The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a friend who owns a beret. The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a friend who owns a beret.
Fred Allen quotes: My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama. My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
Fred Allen quotes: My hometown was so dull that one time the tide went out and never came back. My hometown was so dull that one time the tide went out and never came back.
Fred Allen quotes: A group of people who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done A group of people who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done
Fred Allen quotes: A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it. A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
Fred Allen quotes: My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches. My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.
Fred Allen quotes: The world is a grindstone and life is your nose The world is a grindstone and life is your nose
Fred Allen quotes: He writes so well he makes me feel like putting my quill back in my goose. He writes so well he makes me feel like putting my quill back in my goose.
Fred Allen quotes: Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station. Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
Fred Allen quotes: In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises. In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
Fred Allen quotes: My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense. My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
Fred Allen quotes: Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange. Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.
Fred Allen quotes: An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission. An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
Fred Allen quotes: The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi. The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
Fred Allen quotes: She used to be a teacher but she has no class now. She used to be a teacher but she has no class now.
Fred Allen quotes: I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap. I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.
Fred Allen quotes: An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt. An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
Fred Allen quotes: The last time I saw him he was walking down Lover's Lane holding his own hand. The last time I saw him he was walking down Lover's Lane holding his own hand.
Fred Allen quotes: To a newspaperman, a human being is an item with skin wrapped around it. To a newspaperman, a human being is an item with skin wrapped around it.
Fred Allen quotes: He's so small, he's a waste of skin. He's so small, he's a waste of skin.
Fred Allen quotes: A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on. A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.
Fred Allen quotes: A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done. A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Fred Allen quotes: I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me. I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me.
Fred Allen quotes: Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making. Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.
Fred Allen quotes: I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man. I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
Fred Allen quotes: Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play. Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
Fred Allen quotes: Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners. Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
Fred Allen quotes: I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy. I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.
Fred Allen quotes: If criticism had any power to harm, the skunk would be extinct by now. If criticism had any power to harm, the skunk would be extinct by now.
Fred Allen quotes: There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes. There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
Fred Allen quotes: Televisio is a vehicle that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything. Televisio is a vehicle that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
Fred Allen quotes: California is a great place to live if you're an orange. California is a great place to live if you're an orange.
Fred Allen quotes: The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed. The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
Fred Allen quotes: It was once rumored that fledgling executives walked around their offices backwards so they wouldn't have to face an issue. It was once rumored that fledgling executives walked around their offices backwards so they wouldn't have to face an issue.
Fred Allen quotes: I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is. I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.
Fred Allen quotes: Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great. Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.
Fred Allen quotes: The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.
Fred Allen quotes: If children could vote, Jesse Jackson would be our next president. If children could vote, Jesse Jackson would be our next president.
Fred Allen quotes: English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve. English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
Fred Allen quotes: The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle. The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.
Fred Allen quotes: I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars. I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
Fred Allen quotes: I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement. I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.
Fred Allen quotes: When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat. When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
Fred Allen quotes: The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners. The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
Fred Allen quotes: I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin. I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.
Fred Allen quotes: After quitting radio I was able to live on the money I saved on aspirins. After quitting radio I was able to live on the money I saved on aspirins.
Fred Allen quotes: Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year. Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.
Fred Allen quotes: Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission. Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission.
Fred Allen quotes: On ships they call them barnacles; in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents. On ships they call them barnacles; in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
Fred Allen quotes: During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk. During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk.
Fred Allen quotes: A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to be well-known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to be well-known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
Fred Allen quotes: I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.
Fred Allen quotes: A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better. A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
Fred Allen quotes: He has no idea what it was like to grow up in the South, where you had to hold your head down. He has no idea what it was like to grow up in the South, where you had to hold your head down.

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