Frank Carson quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Frank Carson

Frank Carson Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Frank Carson on Wise Famous Quotes.

Frank Carson quotes: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a poodle peeing on your leg? You let the Rottweiler finish.

What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a poodle peeing on your leg? You let the Rottweiler finish.

Frank Carson quotes: I said to the waitress, "There's a fly swimming in my soup." She said: "You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle."

I said to the waitress, "There's a fly swimming in my soup." She said: "You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle."

Frank Carson quotes: Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: "Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?"

Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: "Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?"

Frank Carson quotes: There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: "You can't eat your own food in here." So they swapped sandwiches.

There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: "You can't eat your own food in here." So they swapped sandwiches.

Frank Carson quotes: A man up in front of a judge says "I don't recognise this court." "Why not?" "It's been redecorated since the last time I was here."

A man up in front of a judge says "I don't recognise this court." "Why not?" "It's been redecorated since the last time I was here."

Frank Carson quotes: I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.

I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.

Frank Carson quotes: My idea for peace in the Middle East is to go back to the 1966 line, but to build even more houses for the Palestinians, who are a poor people.

My idea for peace in the Middle East is to go back to the 1966 line, but to build even more houses for the Palestinians, who are a poor people.

Frank Carson quotes: People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads; it is ridiculous.

People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads; it is ridiculous.

Frank Carson quotes: I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.

I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.

Frank Carson quotes: Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?

Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?

Frank Carson quotes: My wife went into the butchers and said: "You've a sheep's head in your window." The butcher said: "That's a mirror."

My wife went into the butchers and said: "You've a sheep's head in your window." The butcher said: "That's a mirror."

Frank Carson quotes: America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.

America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.

Frank Carson quotes: An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband wanted to know who the other man was.

An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband wanted to know who the other man was.

Frank Carson quotes: What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.

What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Frank Carson quotes: It's never occurred to me to worry about my health, or that I'll get old, or that people will stop laughing at me.

It's never occurred to me to worry about my health, or that I'll get old, or that people will stop laughing at me.

Frank Carson quotes: Someone threw a petrol bomb at Alex Higgins once and he drank it!

Someone threw a petrol bomb at Alex Higgins once and he drank it!

Frank Carson quotes: I asked a shop owner if he could help me out. He said: "What way did you come in?"

I asked a shop owner if he could help me out. He said: "What way did you come in?"

Frank Carson quotes: I'm staying in a lovely hotel, dressing robe behind the door, lovely fluffy sheets - took me a half an hour getting my suitcase closed.

I'm staying in a lovely hotel, dressing robe behind the door, lovely fluffy sheets - took me a half an hour getting my suitcase closed.

Frank Carson quotes: An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The barman looks at them and says: "Is this some kind of a joke?"

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The barman looks at them and says: "Is this some kind of a joke?"

Frank Carson quotes: A man says to his mate: "My wife is a twin." His mate says, "How do you tell them apart?" The man says: "Her brother has a beard."

A man says to his mate: "My wife is a twin." His mate says, "How do you tell them apart?" The man says: "Her brother has a beard."

Frank Carson quotes: Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?

Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?

Frank Carson quotes: My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.

My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.

Frank Carson quotes: My wife said to me: 'If you won the lottery, would you still love me?' I said: 'Of course I would. I'd miss you, but I'd still love you.'

My wife said to me: 'If you won the lottery, would you still love me?' I said: 'Of course I would. I'd miss you, but I'd still love you.'

Frank Carson quotes: I come from a family of musicians. Even the sewing machine is a Singer.

I come from a family of musicians. Even the sewing machine is a Singer.

Frank Carson quotes: I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.

I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.

Frank Carson quotes: I've been married to my wife for 60 years but it feels just like yesterday, and you know what a bloody awful day yesterday was.

I've been married to my wife for 60 years but it feels just like yesterday, and you know what a bloody awful day yesterday was.

Frank Carson quotes: I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.

I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.

Frank Carson quotes: The thirties were troublesome in Belfast, and then of course there was no work for people, and it was terribly religiously divided.

The thirties were troublesome in Belfast, and then of course there was no work for people, and it was terribly religiously divided.

Frank Carson quotes: So I rang up British Telecom, I said 'I want to report a nuisance caller', he said 'Not you again'.

So I rang up British Telecom, I said 'I want to report a nuisance caller', he said 'Not you again'.

Frank Carson quotes: Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.

Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.

Frank Carson quotes: My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.

My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.

Frank Carson quotes: Men only go for skinny women because they're too weak to argue - and salads are cheap.

Men only go for skinny women because they're too weak to argue - and salads are cheap.

Frank Carson quotes: The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.

The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.