Fran Lebowitz quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Fran Lebowitz

Fran Lebowitz Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Fran Lebowitz on Wise Famous Quotes.

Humility is no substitute for a good personality.

Cheese that is required by law to append the word food to its title does not go well with red wine or fruit.

People always say "pop culture." As if we have some high culture to distinguish it from.

polite conversation is rarely either

I never had a typewriter. I never had any machines.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

The girl in your class who suggests that this year the Drama Club put on The Bald Soprano will be a thorn in people's sides all of her life.

In Rome people spend most of their time having lunch. And they do it very well - Rome is unquestionably the lunch capital of the world.

I am alternately very gregarious - very sociable - and then very solitary.

Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.

Chocolate is an excellent flavor for ice cream but both unreasonable and disconcerting in chewing gum.

The great thing about New Jersey is that it's close to New York.

Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

If I lived in another country, like a country that was, say, an enemy of the United States, I would be more amused than I am.

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.

Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.

I don't like the kind of country living where you have to help. I like country living where there is help.

Telling someone he looks healthy isn't a compliment
it's a second opinion.

London: A place you go to get bronchitis.

Those who use the word 'lifestyle' are rarely in possession of either.

If you live in New York and you have a guest room, you have guests. So I think it's best not to have a guest room.

You don't have to lay an egg to know if it tastes good.

One [New York] eatery is a remodeled diner that looks like what Busby Berkeley would have done if only he hadn't had the money.

Television turned out to be exactly as bad as the most irritating and pedantic intellectuals of the '50s said it was going to be.

My dream writing room would be the Imperial Library in Vienna.

New Yorkers, we've seen Donald Trump for, like, 30 years; we know who he is. So he wasn't a surprise to me.

Marriage entitles women to the protection of a strong man who will steady the stepladder while they paint the kitchen ceiling.

Writing pornography is deadly, nothing duller. I mean a toll-taker has a more exciting life than a pornographer.

The Italians are the most civilized people. And they're very warm. Basically, they're Jews with great architecture.

I do not believe in God. I believe in cashmere.

Sarcasm: what they have in New York instead of jacuzzis.

Without these tourists, New York would be fantastic. I don't want them to come. Stay home!

Spilling your guts is just exactly as charming as it sounds.

For the movie review columns, I always knew exactly what I was going to write about - the movies.

In New York we have zillions of different kinds of people, many of them hate each other, but violence based on that hatred is really uncommon here.

There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.

I am not ... totally unreceptive to colour providing it makes its appearance quietly, deferentially, and without undue fanfare.

I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?

The first step in having any successful war is getting people to fight it.

I hate all jobs. I've never had a job I liked.

I'm like the laziest person who ever lived. It's amazing to me I even sit up.

Inhabitants of underdeveloped nations and victims of natural disasters are the only people who have ever been happy to see soybeans.

A salad is not a meal, it is a style.

There are some short essays that are very grave, and most contemporary novels are lighter than air.

What's the point of being young if you're not going to make new things, I wonder?

When Toni Morrison said 'write the book you want to read,' she didn't mean everybody.

All of television's appalling, but this is hardly a new statement.

New York City is filled with the same kind of people I left New Jersey to get away from.

Do not approach with anything even resembling assurance a restaurant that moves.

There's no such thing as advice to the lovelorn. If they took advice, they wouldn't be lovelorn.

Large, naked, raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who live in hutches eagerly awaiting Easter.

I hate academic mysteries. As soon as I come across the word 'don' and it's not someone's first name, I close the book.

[On not reading newspapers:] If something important happens, your mother calls you.

I've never seen the Kardashians; I'm not sure who they are. But I know a lot about them because it's impossible not to.

A hobby is, of course, an abomination, as are all consuming interests and passions that do not lead directly to large, personal gain.

Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure.

If thine enemy offend thee, give his child a drum.

Communists all seem to wear small caps, a look I consider better suited to tubes of toothpaste than to people.

I hate money. It is boring and it is arithmetic. The two things I hate the most.

Children are much less annoying [than adults] and they never start trends.

The second I learned to read in first grade, when I was 5, I preferred it to life. And I still do.

Generally speaking, the poorer person summers where he winters.

Donald Trump is not my fault. You can blame certain things on me, but not Donald Trump.

To me the outdoors is what you must pass through in order to get from your apartment into a taxicab.

In fact, we live in a culture where intelligence, exceptional or not, is reviled.

The thing you love right away, don't do it, because that's the very thing that's going to be your addiction for the rest of your life.

Commercials and sometimes other guests - it's the down side of TV. Other people - it's the downside of life in general.

I, unfortunately, take the subway a lot. It's not my preference, but it is my lot in life.

Sleep is death without the responsibility.

I always liked people who are older. Of course, every year it gets harder to find them.

If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no longer be fantasies.

Magazines all too frequently lead to books and should be regarded by the prudent as the heavy petting of literature.

American women think that clothes fit them if they can fit into them. But that's not at all what fit means.

Civilised adults do not take apple juice with dinner.

Writers have problems writing sex scenes, because writing one really well is pornography.

You can be nasty when you are young, but you really have to be older to achieve bitterness.

Scientists - the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set.

When someone asks, 'Why do you think he's not calling me?' there's always one answer - 'He's not interested.' There's not ever any other answer.

Do not have your child's hair cut by a real hairdresser in a real hairdressing salon. He is, at this point, far too short to be exposed to contempt.

The 3 questions of greatest concern are:, 1) Is it attractive?, 2) Is it amusing?, 3) Does it know its place?

Being offended is a natural consequence of leaving the house.

China is not a great idea: capitalism and a dictator. It's like the two worst possible things you could imagine together. It's a very bad idea.

Will power is not telling anybody you quit smoking.

Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.

I am not the type of person who wants to go back to the land I am the type who wants to got back to the hotel.

Things that people will say to me, mostly, is that you shouldn't have all these books. It's too expensive.

All style is personal - that's what distinguishes it from fashion.

Any artist who has that quality of timelessness has that quality because they tell the truth.

I love being in love. I don't think anything compares with it, though I consider it very disruptive.

To lose yourself in a book is the desire of the bookworm. I mean to be taken. That is my desire.

Once you go outside your natural audience, there are tons of people that don't like you.

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

If there had been a job of being a reader, I would have taken that, because I love to read and I don't love to write. That would be blissful.

If you read a lot, nothing is as great as you've imagined. Venice is - Venice is better.

Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.

When I saw a phone on a plane for the first time, I panicked ... I thought people were going to call me.

If you feel the urge to write, just lie down and read a book: it will pass.

Never allow your child to call you by your first name. He hasn't known you long enough.