Dylan Moran quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Dylan Moran

Dylan Moran Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Dylan Moran on Wise Famous Quotes.

I thought The Office was good, though I didn't think of it as a sitcom, just as a very good programme.

Yeah, I think Michael has had to deal with that label of being Michael Caine for a long time.

One thing that's coming up a lot is: are you as grumpy as you appear from this Black Books thing.

Shame is one of the greatest aphrodisiacs in the world, anyway, built into religion.

Idioms are a big thing in Ireland. They want to fill the time, to show how good they are at talk - it's a talk-off

He could dismiss several schools of philosophy by shifting slightly in his chair or toting his whisky glass.

Your mind is a hive of worms. And worms don't live in a hive, so it already feels unnatural.

America is this incredible mosaic of immigrants, so people really want to be anchored in some kind of culture as well as the one they are living in.

I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks like a likely candidate.

I don't have lungs anymore! Just two spare bags that flew in under a bridge one day.

Wow this place is really big isn't it? They must do proper stuff here, like opera and all that ... shite.

What's the weather like? ... It's fierce mild!

Maybe this is just me, but as time goes by, I'm more bewildered by modernity. It gets more unfathomable with every passing year.

EGGS! They're not a food, they belong in no group! They're just farts clothed in substance!

I'm very drawn to Eastern Europe, so I like a Hungarian writer who wrote in French called Emil Cioran; he was always good for giving me such a stir.

We all know smoking is bad. I know I'm going to quit someday, if I thought I wasn't I'd quit now.

Black Books adheres to a more old fashioned, traditional sitcom format, which I think works, because in its own way, it's quite theatrical.

Showing off seemed to me to be a highly valuable and necessary activity when I was 20.

Men look at breasts the way women look at babies. 'Aw, isn't that lovely.'

You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic.

Women are like canoes, full of soup. At first everyone is suspicious but then everyone wants one.

Don't you DARE use party as a verb in my shop

I think you should, yeah. You should wash your beard, then shave it off, nail it to a Frisbee and fling it over a rainbow.

I'm actually about as famous as a fourth division footballer from the 70s.

If I hadn't done this I might have ended up digging the roads.

I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but then I thought, well, what if I crash into a lake?

I'm just trying to understand what's around me as much as anyone else is, really. To draw a bead on a moving target.

The trend now is to get away from stage bound sitcoms.

I can't relax here. These people have no pubic hair anywhere. We have pubic hair on the ceiling.

The truth is that I'm constitutionally incapable of doing an ordinary job.

I do not walk around imaging myself to be intimidating or smart.

It probably says something really clinically terrible about my character that I need to get up on a stage and go 'Ra ra ra' in front of people.

You're not really an adult at all. You're just a tall child holding a beer, having a conversation you don't understand.

Have I had therapy? I went to a yoga class once.

Paper acts as an eraser on the mind, as soon as you look at what you've written.

If you covered a broom handle with oil and shoved it up my arse, then put me on a trampoline, in a lift, I could write a better song on the walls.

[Adulthood feels like] walking around in the desert with a bag over your head, being bumped into by people who rob you as they bore you.

You can't please everyone, nor should you seek to, because then you won't please anyone, least of all yourself.

Its not easy being a man you know. I had to get dressed today ... and there are other pressures.

The characters can't be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be character witty.

I'm a quitter. I come from a long line of quitters. It's amazing I'm here at all.

I'd be hard-pressed to think of anybody who's made me laugh, who's funny, but who's also relentlessly positive.

Two young, fit, healthy attractive people in love? There's nothing worse to look at in the world.

It's easy to smile when you have a squirrel's intellect.

All the shy people are doomed! Natural selection favors the loud and the aggressive

Lots of comics try stuff out all year round, which is very sensible - I don't.

You're supposed to eat the cows. They're great big lumbering stupid things - they'd be everywhere if we didn't eat them.

You should be as alive as you can, until you're totally dead!

You know it's a sad day when your child looks at you and asks 'Daddy, are these organic?'

A man does not know how he came by the half a pie he is holding in his hand!

I quite fancy the 1940s. I like the trams and the trousers.

Tequila? It's not even a drink. It's a way for having the cops around without using a phone.

I was lucky in the sense that I was never blessed with an overly reflective nature.

I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I'm not expecting it.

In the same way, there is some creature gnawing away inside of me, urging me to do things in different ways.

Nothing can make me feel better now, except cocaine.

Organic? I grew up on Angel Delight. We didn't have anything in the house if it wasn't neon!

I think a lot of the time you just parody yourself.

I don't know what I want but I know that I want it now.

Cooking? Oh we were great, you'd take anything and melt cheese on it, and the one who could guess what it was didn't have to wash up!

I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.

We are both drawn to surreal situations so the writing was a joy.

I need a healthy injection of cynicism right now.

I can't get involved in all the murders you need to commit to get this shit out of your system.

I'm organised in some ways, but not in others.

You look like a horse in a man costume

Money can't buy you love, but it can get you some really good chocolate ginger biscuits.

You exaggerate your own reactions.

I don't go to different countries to criticise their political system and tell them what they should be doing - what do I know?

Why do I even dare to think I could dream I could imagine I could hope?

The East is very mysterious to Westerners. Even post-Cold War, it's still an unknown entity.

Children are the most honest critics. They will say 'You're funny', but also 'You're pathetic - go away.'

I have tried ... believe me, I have tried to like rap music. It makes me feel so very, very old. I have tried to get home with the downies.

I don't go around thinking of myself as a great anything.

Look at his face. I bet his cornflakes try to crawl out of the bowl.

He looks like a horse in a man costume!

I wish I was like you! You know startled by direct sunlight.

I don't really think of myself as an actor.

You know what you are? You're a beard with an idiot hanging off it.

You're not going to learn anything if you're not prepared to go flat, so I'm very happy to go flat.

When did you ever hear of a child not in need? 'Oh that's enough jam tart for me, I'll just go now and clean the toilets.'

It should not be an act of social disobedience to light a cigarette. Unless you're actually a doctor working at an incubator.

Do your own thing. Speak in your voice.

You learn very very quickly that it is mostly about swearing, actually. That's all you're doing, swearing, in a box with wheels.

Vodka! That's a child's drink, why am I drinking this stupid drink, oh and why am I on a traffic island?

Don't clap I'm not a jazz band for Christ's sake.

It's true that I have spoken about doing a book before, but then everyone you speak to is planning to write a book.

Fruit ... it's just God showing off. "Look at all the colours I know!"

I do pauses, pauses work for me

I'm not a fighter, I'm a bleeder.

Vodka is a very deceptive drink. You can't taste it, you can't smell it.

People will kill you over time. And how they'll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases like 'be realistic'.