Dov Davidoff quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Dov Davidoff

Dov Davidoff Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Dov Davidoff on Wise Famous Quotes.

The world treats beautiful people like they're good at something, which makes it so that they almost never get good at something.

Is it a bad sign when someone asks you about the person your dating and a tear falls from your eye as you leap into oncoming traffic?

Fountains are more romantic when you don't hate the person you're with.

I have emotional needs that I didn't know I had, and I have physical needs that I didn't know weren't really needs.

I'd put my faith in god, but I haven't met him, and I've been hurt before.

Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.

Perhaps being hated in the right way is preferable to being loved in the wrong one.

Comedy is rarely funny.

A high percentage of vegan men look like lesbians.

I spend so much time alone that whenever I see my shadow I feel crowded.

Why hasn't anyone opened a night club named 'No Drugs Allowed, Wink, Wink'?

I wonder if anybody ever decided to commit suicide, then thought; but first I'm going to stop by that taco place I like so much.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

The Middle East is America's 'champagne room'. No matter how much you spend, you will still never get what you want.

Comedy is a cruel mistress, especially if you're already seeing a really cruel mistress.

Thinking about the fathomless cruelty with which man has treated his fellow man, but also ice cream.

Whoever said life without love isn't worth living didn't own an iPhone. These things are great.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

I find anger so comforting. It's like a blanket made of unresolved issues, but it's a blanket none the less.

Dating a white girl is like dating a black girl if she were really passive-agressive.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Vegas; one of the few places still encouraging men in their fifties to dress like their in a boy-band from the 80's.

No one understands the way I feel about things I don't understand.

Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.

Most people that commit to a life of celibacy weren't leaving that much on the table in the first place.

Few things interest me more than the things people don't say.

How come the term 'threesome' is always used in a sexual context? What, nobody plays string instruments any more?

Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.

People who say life is precious don't spend much time on line at the airport.

The entertainment business is to business what plastic flowers are to flowers.

MTV has turned more young women into whores than poverty.

Cheerleaders are simultaneously everything that is right and wrong with the world.

The next actor I meet that uses the term 'courageous' to describe another actor's performance is getting punched in the face.

I've always wanted children ... not of my own, but for yard work and reaching into tight places to get things I've dropped.

People would be so much more interesting if they'd behave like who they are, and not like what they think others expect them to be.

Fear can be a great motivator, just not during foreplay.

It's difficult to feel silly and depressed at the same time, but I manage.

People shouldn't take my lack of interest in what they're saying personally. I don't really care about what I'm saying most of the time.

When rappers call each other son it leads me to believe they don't take fatherhood very seriously.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Just saw a t-shirt at the gym said, body by torture. That's a lot less ironic if you're a political prisoner in the Middle East.

Drugs in a disco are great for white people because it allows them to feel more Puerto Rican while dancing.

Mirrors at the gym only serve to remind me that I'm less of a man than I'd like to be.

Was thinking of taking a yoga class, then realized I wasn't gay. Whew. Close one.

I can always tell when a girl comes from a good family because she's what's known as not at all attracted to me.

Sex sells, unless you're dehydrated in which case you'd be much more likely to purchase water.

Perhaps depression is a perfectly natural reaction to the human condition.

The Nazis were well dressed. Today's racists are a rag-tag bunch with no sense of style or panache.

I'm neither professional fighter nor physicist, therefore on some level I will always consider myself a failure.

I would imagine that not having any potential could be less difficult than not fulfilling it.

If only St. Valentine was around to see his memory celebrated through the mindless marketing of whipping cream and lingerie.

Is it cynical to assume that anyone smiling is a liar and a criminal?

Being proud of your nationality is like congratulating yourself for inheriting money.

Many television weather-women were one abusive parent away from prostitution.

My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle.

Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys.

Laughing at ones own attempt at humor while saying things just come to me should be punishable by death.

Being anti-social can also mean that you're aware of how annoying it is to be social.

If you love sleep, you'll really enjoy death.

Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding.

Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness?

Trannies dress up like women, then try to bang straight guys. They're the adrenaline junkies of gayness.

All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.

Homemade' sounds much better when not referring to tattoos.

Headphone aren't big enough these days. Why not just throw a couple of stereo speakers in a full face motorcycle helmet.

Whenever I'm around people it causes me to feel nostalgic for the loneliness that drove me into their presence in the first place.

Is it a bad sign when you see the person you're dating and get the same feeling as if you just saw police lights in you're rear view mirror?

A lot of people in a LA need to take a break from taking a break.

I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.

Brain damage and stupidity are very different things, but can have similar effects on the wearer.

I have a sneaking suspicion that leading an examined life and being really tan aren't consistent with one another.

Gay men greet each other just like straight guys do ... If one of the straight guys saved the other one's life.

The language of love may be universal, but it's not one of the options on an ATM machine.

If I were a gynecologist, I'd say things like, Okay, enough of the small talk. Let's check under the hood.

Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It's like a tattoo that yells at you.

Anyone who says I would never hit a woman hasn't met my x girlfriend.

If you carry a paperback book in your back pocket, but spend more time on your hair than you do reading it, you're probably a bad actor.

I've decided to hire a 'food taster', not because I think anyone is trying to kill me, but because I want to make sure it's not to salty.

Facebook is great for getting upset about things people say even though you haven't seen them in 12 years.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

At the gym; I've given up trying to get in really good shape, and re-committed myself to not getting any worse.

Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight.

Money can't buy happiness, unless you're favorite hooker's name is 'Happiness'.

Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.

Everybody wants to be more wanted, until they are ...

False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.

We're in this together usually means I'm here for you, unless it requires me getting into my car anywhere near rush hour.

If I ever move in with a woman, she'll have to be really comfortable with unhappiness.

I'd find myself more interesting if I weren't with me all the time.

White people set goals, rappers 'chase paper', and the Chinese are too busy doing both to talk about either one.

You're pregnant? Congratulations, the world needs another mindless, semiliterate consumer.

Standup comedy is fun. I mean other than having to experience the excruciating lonlieness and unacknowledged sadness that results in funny.

If procrastination were a marketable skill, I'd be a real hot commodity.

I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself.

I'm endlessly amazed by what people are capable of, and incapable of.

If no-eye contact sex were a sport, I'm not saying I'd make it to the Olympics, but I like my chances.

My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.

People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat.

Health food would seem healthier if the people that sold it looked less unhealthy.

Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.