Darynda Jones quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Darynda Jones

Darynda Jones Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Darynda Jones on Wise Famous Quotes.

Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that.
- T-shirt

Uncle Bob answered, his tone brusque. "What have you got?"
"Besides great boobs?" I asked.
"On the case."
He was so testy.

On a scale of one to stepping on a LEGO, how much pain are you in?

Surely my macking on some guy in an insane asylum wouldn't hurt him. He'd been living with his stalker, for heaven's sake.

Friends don't let friends get killed by serial killers

Signs you drink too much coffee: You don't sweat. You percolate.
Internet meme

He was leaving my stepmother for a sailboat. Not that I blamed him. A sailboat would at least be useful.

Time to make today my bitch.

I knew dating the son of Satan would turn out badly

Welcome back. I see the assassins have failed.

Where do writers get their ideas from? Anywhere and everywhere.
Nothing is sacred.

Man, I want to be someone's forbidden fruit."
"Well, you are pretty fruity.

I was more than willing to put aside the Charley Davidson Book of Etiquette and Mud Wrestling if it resulted in earth-shattering orgasms.

That boy needs a hobby."
"Stalking is a hobby."
"So is serial killing.

There is a fine line between freedom and slavery.

Being an adult means never having to show your work on math problems. - T-SHIRT

Whoever is in charge of making sure I don't do stupid shit is fired.
- T-SHIRT

Holy shit, are you positive?"
"As a pregnancy test a month after prom.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure. - T-SHIRT

Any said by "Charley Davidson" is my favorite!

So, was it good for you?" I asked him.
He shook his head. "I faked it."
"Really? So did I. I guess we'll have to try again.

You're the reason I breathe

He's helped me a lot over the years."
"I'm sure he has. You scratch his back. He scratches yours."
"I have skin allergies. I'm itchy.

GPS. I tracked your phone. PIs can do shit like that. That's how we roll."
"That's so wrong."
"And yet it feels so right.

There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

Crazy chicks are usually pretty tough.

I did that thing where you scratch your eyebrow and flip someone off at the same time. I'm good at multitasking like that.

You're the reason I get up in the morning. That, and I need to pee. - E-CARD

Death via extreme pleasure was a serious concern.

Men were weird. Especially men made of tempered steel and fire and perpetual darkness. Or men with penises. Either way

You do have a tendency to severe spinal cords."
"Only for you.

Laughing was like Jell-o. There was always time for Jell-o.

Just remember," Reyes said, "anything you do to my daughter, I do to you.

Better to see dead than be dead.

there is nothing to fear more in life than fear.... and spiders

I don't understand your specific kind of crazy, but I do admire your commitment to it.

The asshole slipped Peggy a five-spot to bring him his burger first. Never trust a man with a penis.

Are you ready?" she asked, whispering. "Ready as a drunk virgin on prom night.

Having Reyes so near is painful. I think it has apoplexy."
"Do you even know what that means?"
"No, but it sounds serious. Like Ebola. Or hives

Suddenly I'm that chick from Fatal Attraction. Next thing you know, I'll be boiling rabbits.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. -T-Shirt

I got an almost clear peripheral look at the guy's left fist. I might could recognize his pinkie." *

Love New York." I nodded my head. "I only like New York as a friend, but I'm in.

I already know I'm going to hell. At this point, it's really go big or go home. - T-SHIRT

I may not look like much, but I'm an expert at pretending to be a ninja.

I may not have any skeletons in my closet, but I do have a little box of souls in my sock drawer. - T-SHIRT

Ask me about my complete lack of interest. (T-shirt)

I have seen things. Awful things. Empty coffee cup things.

I was growing on him,I could tell.I was a lot like mold that way.

I would lose you forever, and I've only ever wanted you.

IF IT HAS TIRES OR TESTICLES, IT'S GONNA GIVE YOU TROUBLE. - BUMPER STICKER

Closure, good or bad, is not overrated.

When fighting clowns, always go for the juggler.

IRONY: THE OPPOSITE OF WRINKLY. - T-SHIRT

Never trust a man with a penis.

I caused more trouble than gonorrhea.

I'm a virgin.
But this is an old shirt.

--T-SHIRT

NEVER BE AFRAID TO DART AROUND IN PUBLIC, HUMMING THE MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE THEME SONG.

It isn't the fall that will kill you, but the sudden stop.

Whichever you choose, you're the one who has to deal with the consequences. So make your decision wisely,

jealousy was in a whole category by itself. One that sat right between instability and insecurity.

Don't expect everything to be handed to me. Just set it down wherever. - T-SHIRT

Winching was apparently a guy thing. As was wenching.

One day, I'm going to get to the bottom of you, Charley Davidson."
I had no idea she was into anal.

Brownies were like spare batteries. One could never have too many in the house.

How would you like your eggs?"
I tried. I really did. But I glanced at his crotch and it came out anyway. "Fertilized?

I'm currently unsupervised
It frisks me out too but the possibilities are endless

DON'T GO BUYING TROUBLE.
IT'S FREE AND IT KNOWS WHERE YOU LIVE.
- T-SHIRT

Because I don't deserve your touch.

He was angry with me once again. Men and their mood swings. Women had nothing on them.

If I'm upset, hold me and tell me how beautiful I am.
If I growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate.
- BEST. ADVICE. EVER.

I could hardly be responsible for my actions when everyone around me gave me every opportunity to sink to their low expectations.

Dude," I said, leaning over the desk, "I'm about as psychic as a carrot.

Yeah, but what happens if life hands me pickles? - Bumper sticker

The fact that there's a Highway to Hell and only a Stairway to Heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers. -

Damn it. Reyes could be such a butthead. Freaking Antichrists.

Showers were God's reward for working hard enough to get dirty.

Dear Santa, WTF...

Don't think I get enough credit for the fact that I do all of this unmedicated.

In three hundred feet, turn right, Darth Vader said. The Darth Vader. I felt like we were friends now. Like I could tell him anything.

For the first time in my life, I was in a shoot-out. A real, honest-to-goodness shoot-out with a bad guy. And, apparently, we both sucked.

I often question my sanity. Occasionally, it replies.

It takes thirty-three days to write a book
only thirty-three days. remember, writers lie for a living.

And that most people would never understand the devastating need of those left behind, the need to know the truth.

Holy water may fend off demons, but spiders were completely unfazed by it.

Have they even seen the Winchester boys? Sammy and Dean's existence proves there is a god and she is a woman.

No, no, no, no, no. Anything but murder. Or rape. Or kidnapping. Or armed robbery. Or indecent exposure, 'cause that's just creepy.

WHILE writing, just try to have fun with your ms. Enjoy the process, but push on. Always push toward the finish line!

Damn it, I needed The Idiot's Guide to Grim Reaperism.

Life ain't all burritos and strippers, my friend. - TRUE FACT

Even from a distance you burn, you scorch anyone who gets too close.

ANXIETY GIRL! ABLE TO JUMP TO THE WRONG CONCLUSION IN A SINGLE BOUND. - T-SHIRT

Developing your voice takes ...
time and practice.

There should be one line at every store for people who have their shit together. - TRUE FACT

Sometimes I crave pickles. Other times I crave the blood of my enemy. Weird. - CHARLEY DAVIDSON

dead guys?" "No," I said, watching Dad and Uncle Bob

Glitch was about as wild and unpredictable as a carrot stick.

That Reyes Farrow boy.

I meant to behave. There were just too many other options.
T-SHIRT

The only thing I hated worse than cleaning my apartment was torture, though the two were a hairsbreadth away from neck-and-neck. I