Bill Maher quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Bill Maher

Bill Maher Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Bill Maher on Wise Famous Quotes.

The shame would be if Democrats get thrown out of office without ever having tried Democratic policies.

It's not that we don't care
it's just that that we'd prefer not to get involved.

A flu shot is the worst thing you can do.

The Republicans proved they are not the party of 'no.' They're the party of 'f**k, no!'

The jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says they just want to introduce one last-minute load of crap.

This is America. We don't call an election before we know who won. That, after all, is the job of the Supreme Court.

When the enemy gets to your citadel, your prided epicenter, everything's in play.

I feel like I'm wearing orthopedic shoes, because I stand corrected.

Because of the Republicans, I'm not ashamed of being an American. I'm embarrassed!

Not doing anything is doing something and choosing to look away is a passive but no less mortal sin.

Republicans are obsessed with abortion ... if they really wanted to protect the weakest, most helpless people, wouldn't they protect the Democrats?

Ebola has arrived in New York City. And I say, 'if it can make it there ... it can make it anywhere!'

More astronauts have been to the moon than farmers who paid the inheritance tax in 2013.

I think Mitt Romney is a symptom. I think the problem is the Republican Party

I hate religion. I think it's a neurological disorder.

If somebody asks if you tweeted your penis and your answer is anything other than "No," you tweeted your penis.

Eell there always is a tendency in human nature to deify.

Republicans: 'we fought the good fight' - yeah, it woulda been worth it if we could have prevented just one poor kid from getting a free inhaler.

Fake it. We know you can do that. We've seen your sex tape.

Atheism is a religion like abstinence is a sex position.

Recognition is one of the three big elements of comedy.

Stand-up is great because I can get everything off my chest.

What Democratic congressmen do to their women staffers, Republican congressmen do to the country.

Sarah Palin should not be on vacation. She should be in summer school.

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.
(The Decider, July 21, 2007)

It just seems like the culture war is over, and the gay kissers won.

The Drug War is an addiction, really.

I'm for the death penalty, I'm pro-abortion, I'm pro-assisted suicide, I'm pro-regular suicide. Anything that'll get the traffic moving.

You talk about 'Obama is going to herd us into FEMA brainwashing camps.' Maybe your brain needs a little washing.

The President said that Gold told him to invade Iraq. You see that's what happens when you mix New Testament and Old Milwaukee.

Religion is detrimental to the progress of society.

This is America. We don't have adult discussions. We have Twitter.

In ancient times they sacrificed the virgins. Men were not about to sacrifice the sluts!

Don't vote for Republicans or Democrats until they clean up the open system of bribery that we live under.

This party is just full of children, and someone needs to leave them in a hot car.

When sex is good theres nothing better, when its bad its not bad.

Paul Revere was warning the British about gun control, and George Washington apparently was crossing the Delaware to bomb an abortion clinic.

Fascism is when corporations become the government.

If there is such a thing as karma, let's hope that Sarah Palin comes back as a wolf being shot at from a plane.

Maybe a president who didn't believe our soldiers were going to heaven might be a little less willing to get them killed.

Love does not conquer all.

You know, we do a lot of complaining here in America. And that itself is something they can't do in a lot of other countries.

When you tolerate intolerance, you're not really being a liberal.

Why are there so many puritans in this country, and why can't the rest of us make them go away?!

Why are the patriots the ones who don't want to spend money on trains?

The car bomb was fertilizer, gasoline, fireworks and propane tanks ... still safer than a Toyota.

Germs do not have a political party.

There's a phrase we live by in America: "In God We Trust". It's right there where Jesus would want it: on our money.

But females in even the most advanced Muslim countries are simply, by law, not the equal of men.

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid. Girls got pinned, not nailed.

When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.

If you have a few hundred followers and you let some of them molest children, they call you a cult leader. If you have a billion, they call you Pope.

Guys you have way too much invested in sport. Guys you are not the tenth man. You're a machine for turning beer into piss that's what you are!

Whatever good religion has done, it has come at a terrible price.

What we don't know is about Jeb Bush and cocaine. But we do know that he did once had his brother Florida on a silver platter.

Why is the AMA for 'Obamacare'? If this is going to hurt doctors, why are they for 'Obamacare'?

Arnold Schwarzenegger has come out against gay marriage. He said marriage is a sacred union between a groupie and any number of body builders.

Donald Rumsfeld also lost his gig last week. When asked what his future plans are, Rumsfeld said, 'What's a plan?'

That's ended, that's over. I want you to meet my pimps. I thought, I'm a show-business ho already, so I might as well be a real ho.

Hollywood isn't your cesspool, America. It's your mirror.

What does it take for Republicans to take off the flag pin and say, 'I am just too embarrassed to be on this team'?

BP today finally managed to almost completely stop the flow of information.

Republicans look to find the future and they find radio.

I used to stay at the Trump [hotels] and I just wouldn't now. The people were great, but I wouldn't stay at a 'birther' hotel.

New Rule: The people of America who were most in favor of the Iraq War must now go there and fight it.

My personal savior is common sense. And as far as God goes, I prefer to believe in one that would want me to use the excellent brain he gave us all.

Be out of the mainstream. I'm out of the mainstream. I enjoy it, who wants to be in the mainstream?

Fame has sent a number of celebrities off the deep end, and in the case of Michael Jackson, to the kiddy pool.

Men are only as loyal as their options.

If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away.

If you send more than one news van to cover Dancing with the Stars, then you have to change your name from Eyewitness News to Guess What, You Guys?

Only cowards push a button from thousands of miles away, or tens of thousands of feet up, to kill people who can't possibly fight back.

I always say to my religious friends, if a pool had even one turd in it, would you jump in?

New rule: Tulips aren't flowers. They're some kind of gay onion.

As you go down the path of life, ask whats true. Not who else believes it.

Don't you miss the days when America was just MORALLY bankrupt?

When you want to make it clear to the rest of the world that you are not an imperialist, the best countries to have with you are Britain and Spain.

I just don't think a lot of Republicans like it when single women have sex.

I never thought I'd say this: what Obama needs in his personality is a little George Bush.

There is no debate here, just scientists and non-scientists. And since the subject is science, the non-scientists don't get a vote.

First they didn't believe in evolution. Then they didn't believe in global warming. Now the debt ceiling. What I call 'the moron trifecta.'

Not a lot of people know about Tunisia. Sarah Palin thinks it's the name of one of Obama's kids.

Your fuselage shouldn't open more easily than your pretzel bag.

The difference between a GOP convention and Comic-Con is that the people at Comic-Con have a much firmer grasp of reality.

I like groaning. That means that you're not pandering to their already settled prejudices.

The country has become much more conservative, partly because it's been taken over by the religious right.

It's a little strange when you have never been to war, and you eye-roll about a guy who's got shrapnel still in his body, as Chuck Hagel does.

I was out at the HBO party, these are liberals, I imagine, and a lot of people came up to me and said, "Keep giving it to the president."

Beating Newt Gingrich in a popularity contest is like beating Stephen Hawking in 'Dancing with the Stars.'

Nobody sees people as people. It's all how they relate to my little group.

If it makes you feel any better we will be happy to attack a country that had nothing to do with it.

Rick Santorum has come out against contraception and against college. He wants us literally to be f**king stupid.

Stupidity is not another form of knowledge.

The difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull: At some point, a pit bull does stop whining.

I think America causes cancer, longevity is less important than fun, and young people should be discouraged from voting.

Curious people are interesting people; I wonder why that is.

Denying racism is the new racism

Let us not become so tolerant that we tolerate intolerance.

Curious people are intersting people, I wonder why that is.